Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!!! (Update)

Merry belated Christmas and Happy early New Year!!! Sorry for not writing for a while. With the holidays and stuff i've been so busy and tired that i couldn't muster up the strength to write. Not much changed. Every Tuesday and Friday the same ol' same ol'. Slowly going up in weight on the machines. Still not doing anything at home cause of the holidays mainly. Next week i want to start incorporating at home workouts again. 

However, last week and this week on Monday i did 1-2 hour cardio sessions with my new gym pal. I will call him Gym Pal from now on. So that was good. I literally still feel bloated from all the food i ate with Christmas so God knows i need the cardio LOL. I guess he is okay to hang out with although i sometimes get weird vibes from him. I don't think he is overall a bad guy but he is stuck in his own ways. He boasts a lot about how lazy he is and i sometimes just wonder who he is trying to impress with that. I tell him this too, but people like him are just not gonna change you know. Today he also did something disgusting that kind of put me off from him entirely. We were sitting down for a second after our cardio session at the coat area and a woman came down from the stairs and walked past us. And he checked her out. Like he stared at her face and then full on at her butt. It almost felt like he wanted me to see him check out another woman or something. It was so strange and gross. I wanted to throw a chair at him. Unfortunately, i am stuck with this guy for some time, and i yearn for the days that it was just me and my personal trainer alone. If they had not given me that other personal trainer guy and just straight up set me up with this guy i would've already been further ahead and it would've been just me and him for all that time cause he also did not have any interns for some time until now. 

I always talk about wanting new friends but then when i meet new people i always regret it LOL. Sometimes i just want to set the world on fire.

I will probably write again next year/week. I hope everyone had a nice Christmas! And i wish everyone the most wonderful New Years celebration! Until then! 🎆🎇

PT Day 25: Forgot a day!!!

I just realized i forgot to note down day 24. I have it written down in my phone so i will make the post after i am done with this one. Today was okay at the gym. It was a little bit crowded at first and i was only 5 minutes late so that was nice. I also asked if we could maybe meet earlier on Friday because of my best friend's birthday and i said it was mainly cause of the ride that i needed to take, but my new gym buddy told me he can drive me. Super sweet of him! So now i have less stress about that, which is nice. I just have to take with me all the ingredients and stuff for the cake and a change of dress lol. Before i left for the gym i received my image that i wanted to put on top of the cake. I made a little collage of things that my best friend likes and put his favorite actor in the middle of it all LOL. It turned out really nice and am excited for him to see it on the cake. I will also try a new cake recipe (cause he wanted a certain type of cake i've never made before) so i hope it will turn out well, but i am sure it will. I also am sipping on my protein smoothie right now and i made the mistake of putting in the powder first so now it is all lumpy and stuff, so DON'T DO THAT!!! Liquid first!!! My PT wanted us to use higher weights today so for most things i went up in weight slightly. The LAT pulldown was annoying for me cause i could easily do 15 reps with 25kg but then 30kg was too much. I just have to work-out more at home lol. Oh i also asked if my training buddy wants to meet an extra day a week for cardio and he said yes! But i think that will be a thing for next year maybe cause of Christmas and New years.

• 10 minutes elliptical
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown 25kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 7kg
• 3x12 sit up dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x12 shoulder press 6kg
• 3x12 tricep pulldown idk 10kg

Oh and the evaluation meeting went ok as well. We just discussed some things and all was good as per usual.

Struggling & stress!

Ever since December started i have been having stressful weeks. I haven't been able to work-out at home because of it, or do extra gym days, and i can definitely feel the difference. I was really motivated as well which makes it even more of a bummer. I hate this so much!!! I at least feel like next week will be different, but i guess we will see. My roommate's birthday is soon so i am preparing stuff for that too on top of having to prepare for Christmas. Eh. I don't really have much support or people i can lean on which also sucks, but i just have to tough it out. Today i had an appointment at my rental place to talk about my mentally ill neighbor but that didn't really help much. They did mention that i have a new upstairs neighbor who is moving in already, but i haven't seen him yet, but maybe i'll meet him one of these days.

Day 24: Leg day (but im sick) (and it's Friday the 13th)

Writing this on the 17th since i forgot to write here before. I kind of caught a cold and i felt really out of it on Friday. I even overslept because i didn't sleep all night cause i was cleaning my nose and it was horrible. I fell asleep around the time my roommate went to work so lol. I ultimately woke up because my rental place called me, if it wasn't for them i would've not woken up for a few more hours i think HAH. So yeah, i told my PT i would be later, and i was about 15 minutes late. It wasn't that bad. I stayed a bit longer and my PT had to do some paperwork so he did that at the gym and then my new workout buddy stayed with me to keep me company so that was cool. 

• Adductor stretch 2x15 32.5kg 1x12 35kg
• Leg press 1x15 40kg normal 3x12 60kg low
• Abductor 3x12 40kg
• Leg curl 1x12 25kg 3x12 27.5kg
• Kickback hamstring curl 5kg 3x10
• Leg extension 1x12 31.25kg 3x8 35kg 

PT Day 23: Upper body

Yesterday i didn't exercise at home. I had an appointment in the afternoon and had to go to the store after and when i got home it was already 4.30PM and i agreed with my roommate that we would go to a store that had a huge Christmas thing set up. And it's best to go early in the week when you go there cause people from all over go to that place just to check out the Christmas things they set up and it can get really crowded. So when he got home from work we immediately went and we were there for like 3 hours LOL. It was insane though! Really pretty. There were so many Christmas things and they had set up this entire Christmas town that was huuuuge. I made some pictures, i might share them here. But yeah, no time for the gym unfortunately.

But then today i did go to the gym. I thought it was gonna be me and the new dude at 1.45PM alone, together. But then when i got there my PT just arrived and he said he told the new dude that we would meet at 2PM. Soooo... we did warmup and then did warmup again when the dude arrived lol. It was nice working out with him. We use about the same weights which is cool. Makes me feel less self-conscious. We joked around a lot and talked about music and games so that's cool. We also briefly talked about therapy cause he also goes to therapy, so yeah! Cool stuff. Cool dude. And from now on we will always workout together because the PT said it is better for him and his hours. So, that's what we will do!

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown 25kg
• 3x12 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 shoulder press 6kg
• 3x12 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

PT Day 22: Leg day (Weird day)

The gym today was weird lol. My PT's new client was there so i worked out with the intern and the PT worked out with the new guy. I didn't get to meet the new guy at first cause he got there later. When i was working out i realized one of my old "friends" was there. Our history goes back ages, but the dude is weird af. We used to be good friends and then we started developing feelings for each other, but i just got out of a relationship and i told him i didn't think it was a good idea to jump into a new one so quickly. From that point on he decided to hate me LOL. Keep in mind that i was still a teen back then. Weirdest thing is that later on we had contact again briefly, and he said hi to me when he saw me on the street, but then at one point he decided to hate me again. One time i passed him on the street and we were like inches away from each other, he made eye contact with me so i said "hey!" and he just straight up ignored me!!! So petty.

Anyways, he was apparently working out there with his new gf or something i guess. The last time i spoke to him he had a fiancé but this woman was someone else. I know he noticed me cause i saw from my peripheral vision that he was looking at me. I never looked at him or even in his direction cause i just wanted to pretend that i didn't know who he was. At one point i went with the intern near where he was working out and him and the new gf were whispering to each other while looking at me. It was so awkward. Imagine being an adult and then acting like a high-schooler. It made working out kind of uncomfortable. At one point they left though so the energy in the gym was normal again.

I then ended up talking to the new guy cause i realized he was wearing gaming merch and we talked about games. Then at the end of my workout session i talked to him again and i said as a joke that we should workout together next week and make it a competition to see who is stronger. So on Tuesday we will workout together during the one hour session with the PT! Super cool.

• Adductor stretch 2x15 32.5kg 1x15 35kg
• Leg press 1x15 40kg 3x12 70kg
• Abductor 3x12 40kg
• Leg curl 1x12 25kg 3x12 27.5kg
• Kickback hamstring curl 7.5kg 2x8pl 1x10 5kg
• Leg extension 1x12 31.25kg 3x8 35kg

PT Day 21: Upper body

We agreed i would be at the gym at 13.45 and i was there at 13.55 and when i arrived there was a big spider, so i asked for a cup and took it outside. I'm pretty sure everyone at the gym thinks i'm weird already so i am just feeding into their bias hehe. My PT has a new client starting this week who will work-out after me on Tuesdays and will work-out "with" me on Fridays (i will work-out with the intern while the new dude will work-out with my PT). I saw the dude and he looked about my age and he had a space invaders cap on. So i think he is a gamer, he looked the part anyways. Working out today went pretty well. I felt more strong than any other time i think. I usually hate the tricip pulldowns (?) but they went way smoother today. I also realize i need about 2-3 minute rests between sets to get my body to fully recover because my reps were all over the place. I wanted to make sure we were done at 3 stat cause my PT had his new client so i didn't rest properly every single time, eh. But i worked out with 6kg on every single work-out except my shoulder press(?) i believe.

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown 25kg
• 3x12 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 shoulder press 6kg
• 3x12 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

I didn't do anything at home cause i felt really tired today. I have ROMs in my legs so i guess that didn't help either. I really felt like eating pizza and because i did so well last week and also in the gym the last two days i granted myself pizza but i forgot the pizzeria near my house is closed on mondays and tuesdays AH i was annoyed. I ended up making tortellini for me and my roommate. So it was kind of a "cheat day" since that stuff is high in calories and fat. Tomorrow i'll go back to my usual diet.

Also, there are two guys at my gym who always smoke after they are done (which is funny to me). They are like younger; one of them is smaller and the other one is huge. They were next to me on the benches for a little bit and the small one tried to show the bigger one how to properly put up the dumbbells when they are really heavy (pushing them with your legs). They were going back and forth like a married couple and i kept laughing. At one point (cause the bigger dude didnt seem to understand how to do it properly) said "I've got no time for that". I laughed so hard omg. He was also using the highest weight dumbbells we have in the gym so bless his soul and thanks for making me laugh LOL.

Lower body monday

Today i went to the gym alone. I had an appointment early in the day so i had to get up early so i was like "oh i can go to the gym early" but nah i was still only at the gym at 3 or 3.30 i forgot. It wasn't that crowded but i think that might be because of the rain. For some reason everything is dead when it rains. I sometimes think people are just NPCs from a video game.

Gym:

• Elliptical 10 minutes  (5 1min 6 then 7 30secs 8 1min 5cd
• Stairmaster 10 minutes 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 7 8 5
• Adductor stretch 2x12 30kg 1x12 35kg 
• Leg press (low legs) 5x12 (30 > 60 > 60 > 60  > 70)

Home:

• Sumo squat 5x6 (14kg)
• Sumo deadlift 2x8 (14kg) 3x10 (10kg)
• Stiff-legged deadlift 5x10 (10kg)

I remember now how i lost so much fat so fast in the first 1-2 months i went to the gym in the beginning: i did the stairmaster 2-3 times a week. I did it again today; i hadn't been on it for like a year or something. I was SWEATING LIKE CRAZY. The elliptical made me out of breath, sure. But the stairs KILLED me and i was only on it for 10 minutes. I also felt a burn in my calves and it just knocked me out. When i came home i felt like i was still out of breath LOL. Anyways, so i did 20 minutes of hardcore cardio, followed by a small pause, adductors for stretching mainly and then the leg press. I wanted to do 6 sets of leg press by doing two times 70kg at the end but i felt so out of it that i decided not to do it. I also put my feet lower to feel it really in my quads so it burned a lot.

I then biked home and did sumo squats. I was at first not sure if i could do 14kg cause i accidentally loaded up 14kg for my deadlift but i wanted to do squats first so i tried it and i could do it. I just didn't feel comfortable doing full reps so i went with 5x6 and that went pretty well. I then did sumos but felt that 14kg was too high, since it was a sumo deadlift which means i bring the bar all the way down and it was a pain so i went to 10kg and it felt better. Then i ended with the stiff deadlift that i did for the first time. I had a video playing about how to do it by dr. Mike which was helpful as i went through my reps and adjusted myself accordingly. I actually had the bulgarian split squat planed and the hip thrust but i was like "nah" so i went with higher reps for both deadlifts and that worked out pretty well!

Now i will write more about how my weekend was (yesterday i went to a Christmas market) and a little rant about my roommate today regarding support and my apartment.

Nov 25, 2024 - Dec 1, 2024: Weekly Overview

Today i went to a Christmas market and i made a new lady friend which is awesome! I also got some new socks and things for my Christmas tree and a really cool oversized vintage looking jacket/coat that i got from the men's department! But enough about that, i wanted to make an overview of my protein intake of the week + workouts. I only didn't count calories/protein on Sunday.

Weekly Summary for the week of Nov 25, 2024

Monday, 25 November
1,676 calories 
86g protein
Cardio + leg day gym/home

Tuesday, 26 November
1,714 calories
99.6g protein
Cardio + upper body gym 

Wednesday, 27 November
1,484 calories
69.3g protein
Rest day

Thursday, 28 November
1,538 calories
79.3g protein
Short session upper body home

Friday, 29 November
1,062 calories
74.3g protein
Cardio + leg day gym

Saturday, 30 November
1,226 calories
65.8g protein
Rest day

Sunday, 1 December
?????
Cardio (walked a lot)
----------------------------

Total Calories: 8,700 
Total Protein: 474.3g

PT: Day 20 (lower body) (intern)

Had lower body with the intern today. It went alright. I always feel like i can train better when i am alone though, weirdly enough... like i was kind of struggling with the abductor on 45kg while it went pretty easily last time... then when i did 42.5kg i was still struggling. Also the adductor wasn't going too well. Weird stuff. Excited to work-out alone again on Monday lol. I didn't make an agreement with my PT on what i will do but i will figure it out by myself.

• Adductor stretch 2x15 (30 > 35kg) 1x7 (40kg)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg) 3x12 (60kg) 1x12 (70kg)
• Leg curl 1x12 (25kg) 3x12 (27.5kg)
• Abductor 3x12 (45kg) 1x12 (42.5kg)
• Kickback hamstring curl 3x10 (6.25 kg) (per leg)
• Leg extension 4x12 (31.25kg) (+myo reps)

Even though i have been eating pretty strictly this week + additional cardio and workout days, i feel like i am still not losing weight. Maybe i just have high expectations and i am losing weight but it is just going slowly idk.

Yesterday and today (some upper body stuff)

Yesterday and today weren't too good. I got up too late so i couldn't really do anything during the day. Yesterday i barely got out of bed cause my entire body hurt, which is a good thing i guess. It wasn't that bad, but my body just felt exhausted so i didn't do anything. 

Today i did do some things even though i got up late. My roommate had a guitar class/lesson so when he went for his class i decided to do some short workouts. 

• Barbell curl 3x15 (0kg > 2kg > 4kg)
• Barbell row 3x15 (0kg > 2kg > 4kg)
• Overhead press 3x15 (0kg > 2kg > 4kg)
• Side bends 3x12 (7.5 kg)
• Twists 3x12 (2kg > 2kg > 4kg)

With 0kg i mean that i just lifted the bar. I usually don't count the bar as weight and only count the plates i put on it. I also for the first time did an overhead press. I didn't even know if i was doing the exercise correctly, but i felt like lifting the barbell above my head would be a good workout and it was. I had to take like a 5 second break between doing my full reps with 4kg cause it was kind of heavy but i am surprised i got it done anyways. I do feel like i am getting stronger! I looked in the mirror this morning and i feel like i am getting some muscle development in my back which is nice.

PT: Day 19 (upper body)

I was on time at the gym today! And the work-outs went alright. I went up 1-5kg in almost every single exercise which is nice. When i came home i did some short core exercises. I wanted to do more, but i felt really tired and it was at the end of the afternoon and i hadn't eaten all day. I do feel like i work-out better in a fasted state and i feel better overall by not eating early in the day. The only problem is eating all my calories and protein later in the day cause usually i feel full, but at least i'm trying!

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown 25kg
• 3x12 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x12 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

Then at home i did:

• Reverse crunch 3x20
• Planks 30 seconds
• Hanging knee raise 3x10 (per leg)
• Bicycle crunches 3x30 (per leg) 

I am so, so motivated to lose weight, especially cause i know i can easily do it. I did it in 1-2 months when i just started going to the gym. I remember how nice my body looked. I want to get that again, especially knowing that my PT knows what my weight and other stats are and i don't. I told him today i wanted to eat 120g of protein a day and he was like "oh so about double your weight". Excuse me? So i weigh 60kg??? That can't be right lol. I still fit in pants that i wore when i was 50kg. I would no way fit in those at 60kg. Usually when i become pudgier i weigh 53-55kg, so i am going to assume that is where i am at right now. It really threw me off though, cause i was thinking like "what if i am really 60kg". So now i feel that my ed is kind of triggered again and part of me doesn't even mind, which is fucked up. I know my PT didn't mean to trigger me but eh... Like tomorrow is supposed to be my rest day but i am thinking of doing some type of exercise cause i don't want to sit still and that is just constantly bonking in my head. Because i'm scared i will start binge eating or something since i'll be home all day; i have nowhere to go to, i will probably edit... i was thinking about visiting my grandparents but i know they will shove food in my face that i don't want and aaahhhh... life is so annoying.

Monday work-out (legs)

Today i went to the gym on my own. I got up too late cause i wasn't able to sleep, so i got up at like 11.30PM and my appointment was at 12.30PM. After the appointment i walked my dog and send out a message to my renting place and to the cops about my neighbor. I then got ready for the gym. After i came home from the gym i did RDLs and hip thrusts at home and i was just done in time cause my roommate came home. 

• Elliptical 10 minutes  (1min 5, 5min 6, 1min 7, 2min 8, 1min 7>6>5)
• Treadmill 10 minutes (1min 5 incline 4km, 4min 10 incline 4.5>5km/h, 4min 10 incline 5.5km/h, 1min 5 incline 5km/h)
• Leg press narrow feet 1x15 (50kg), 4x12 (60kg), high feet 1x12 (50kg)
• Abductor 1x15 (40kg), 2x12 (42.5kg), 2x10 (45kg)
• Adductor stretch 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (35kg)
• Leg extension 3x10 (30kg), 1xmyo reps (35kg) 6 4 4 3 3 3 3 3 3
• Romanian deadlift 4x12 (12kg)
• Hip thrusts 4x12 (20kg)

Midnight ramblings

I fell asleep earlier and now i am annoyed. I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow and i planned to go to bed earlier, but that's not the case now. Alas... i am drinking a lot of non-caffeinated tea. 

Anyways, earlier today i got to talk to my upstairs neighbors and they told me they were moving (which i already knew). Then they told me they left a plant at my door the other day (which i also knew lol) and i thanked them for it. Then they told me that my schizophrenic neighbor died. Most likely of a heart attack. That made me sad cause i really liked that man. Whenever i saw him he put a smile on my face and we always said hi to each other or we waved at each other. So yeah, that made me sad. Then the upstairs neighbor told me that a bunch of neighbors had been complaining at our renting place about my neighbor being loud, littering, and overall being a menace. My blood was boiling. Earlier today he was being insane again and i called the cops on him AGAIN. This time i called the actual 911. We have another number here that is for non-emergencies, but this time i called the emergency number, but hearing about all these stories that neighbors have been going through... i felt like i have to do something more drastic.

So tomorrow i want to go to the renting place to yell at them. I already called the other day to tell them i wanted an appointment, but i didn't get a phone call or anything the entire week. So i will just go there tomorrow. But before that i probably will just call the cops to see if i can get an appointment with the neighborhood cop to see what he can do for me, cause my neighbor is mainly highly annoying during the weekend. Idk exactly what the cop can do for me, but i wanna see what my possibilities are. Then i also have an appointment tomorrow with the lady. I forgot the time but i think it was at 12 or at 1. Afterwards i have to go to the gym cause i promised my PT. All in all, a lot to do lol. The biggest hurdle being me waking up and actually doing the things. So i just wanted to write it down here to get it out of my head. 

Also, tomorrow i will start with my "diet" and i want to take it as seriously as possible so i might plan out ahead what i will eat tomorrow too in the loseit app!

Plan for tomorrow:

• Wake up at 9 and get ready while calling the cops
• Make sure to talk to the neighborhood cop
• Vacuum
• Once ready go to the renting place to yell at them
• Make sure to be home before 12 cause i have my appointment at 12.30pm
• After the appointment walk my dog
• Get ready for gym
• Probably go to gym around 3-4pm
• That's my day

Also my pc is fixed so in the evening i can edit and continue my Youtube adventures. Let's just hope that nothing is going to throw me off my game.

PT: day 18 (lower body + measurements)

We had to do measurements today again and apparently everything is basically the same. From his words it sounded like it got slightly worse LOL, but i didn't want to know specifics.. I think it might be because i have been eating and sleeping like shit and i don't work-out at home. So all that together... i'm not making a lot of progress, but i really want to change that. I think i'm gonna take a good hard look at my diet and just be really strict for the next 8 weeks. I can easily do that. I am sick and tired of making excuses for myself. I will obviously pig out on Christmas, but that is the only exception (and my roommate's birthday). I will write more about my diet after the read more...

I was late again today. I felt kinda anxious when i woke up idk why. It might be... idk actually. I went to bed early last night cause i felt really, really tired. I fell asleep around 2 or 3, which is early for me. I then woke up at 10 and i felt sooo tired. So i fell back asleep again. Until it was 11.30 i went in and out of sleep. I then finally left my bed at 11.45 and i had to be at the gym at 12.45. So yeah, that didn't happen. The dude had an appointment today at 2PM so he couldn't hang around for long, which was stupid. If he had told me that on Tuesday i would've probably gotten up earlier.

So we weighed me, then we did the walking test, and we did the ab test. It felt useless. How can you even improve with those things if you are already healthy to begin with? Like... everyone has an average walking speed, this can only improve somewhat, unless you train specifically for walking faster. So how can i improve in those things LOL. I think those tests work for someone who isn't fit or healthy and over or underweight and none of those things apply to me, so i find it silly. Then we sat down and we discussed what i will do on Monday since we decided that i will go to the gym on my own on Monday and then he joined me with cardio and then he went to his appointment. So i worked out alone today. The order i did my stuff in is a bit weird cause there was some clueless woman going on the leg machines all the time so i had to maneuver around her.

Oh and most importantly: it snowed today! After i went back from the gym it started raining and it washed away all of the snow :( but it was nice. It wasn't soft snow though which was lame, so i hope we got soft snow for Christmas at least!

• 10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)
• Abductor 3x12 (40kg) 1x12 (42.5kg)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg) 4x12 (60kg) 1x10 (70kg)
• Leg curl 4x12 (27.5kg)
• Leg press narrow 1x15 (50kg) wide 1x15 (50kg)
• Adductor 1x15 (27.5kg, stretch) 1x15 (30kg) 2x12 (37.5kg)
• Leg extension 3x10 (35kg) 3x10 (30kg)

PT: day 17 (upper body + eval)

Today was eval day, and we got the extension, yay!!! Eight more weeks to go. That means that we will end next year in January, which sounds crazy. For the next eight weeks we are going to focus more on me being able to go to the gym on my own, which i know i can do, the question is just, when will it go wrong and when will i stop going. I just realized this means that i have 2-3 months of free gym again since my PT's company pays for it LOL. That saves me so much money!!! Nice. (oh yeah, im on my period)

Today we did the same 'ol same 'ol. I told him what i thought about last Friday, with the intern, and that i didn't like how she made me feel ~different. We also talked about some other stuff, it was chill as always. I also figured out that the intern had some stuff wrong about doing certain exercises (which i already knew but when i told her she was like "no" and i didn't want to argue) (but when i told my PT he was like "yeah... she might've a way that works for her, but my way is better") (LOL). I did tell him i didn't really have DOMs so we both agreed to work harder, with higher weights. I just hate how i have muscle fatigue. I looked it up and it might be "central nervous system fatigue". It basically means that you have two muscle systems and one takes a bit longer to catch up when you are a beginner; once it catches up you wont feel that way anymore. So can't do much about that

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 4x12 rows ??kg
• 4x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 5kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

Some interesting tidbits behind the read more: why i didnt do adds today, something about dead hangs, exercising twice a week, eating and protein intake, why i didn't get cigs, and my neighbors moving away.

Lost

Starting to feel a little bit lost and distracted again, so i want to do that thing again where i basically don't go on my computer to game or watch videos or whatever. Only editing and that is it. I want to daily work-out at home (when i don't attend the gym). Mainly doing shrugs and dead hangs to practice my pullups. And then doing core exercises but we'll see. 

Tomorrow i want to get up early, call my renting place for an appointment cause my next door neighbor is making me lose my freaking mind, walk my dog, work-out, and then visit my grandparents. My roommate will have guitar lessons tomorrow so i was thinking to go to the gas station and get cigarettes while he is away. Because there is no way i will go to the gas station during the day. And since it already gets dark around 5PM now i can go anywhere after that time, but that's when my roommate comes home. So tomorrow when he has his lesson is the perfect time, because i want to start walking my dog at night again. And usually i can't make myself to go, but when i can smoke i will probably go. It's a shitty thing to do, and i know i shouldn't do it, but if it makes me go outside at this point and it makes my dog happy so be it.

PT: Day 16 (with intern) (upper body)

Today i opted for upper body since i worked out alone on Tuesday and i did legs. The intern was there again today and she was the one that was guiding me through the work-outs. I didn't like her as much as the PT, since she is more focused on the therapeutic part of exercise. She also said she did a lot of cross-fit and her record in pull-ups are 18 (impressive). She just talked a lot and tried to make me "aware" of how much i am not aware of my body. I didn't really like that lol. I prefer my PT when he just talks to me about random stuff and encourages me through my workouts. It makes me feel more... normal? Idk. At one point, because she was talking so much about how "i should feel" and whatever, we were close to the end time so we did supersets. Cause she was like "you can do lie down dumbbell thingie and then do sit up dumbbell thingie right after" and i was like "so like a superset?" and she was like "no, just you do x for x muscles and then you do y for y muscles so your muscles can chill and we are done faster". This did work, but isn't that what a superset is? (i just checked and it is read more)

I also didn't push myself that hard on the treadmill cause i was talking to the intern so i walked on a slower speed for some time and i didn't notice so after we were done i went on the adductors to stretch my muscles and since the gym was basically empty i decided to also go on the abductors and i realized i could easily do 42.5kg which was pretty crazy. So next time 45kg? Maybe. And since it was empty i also went on the elliptical to sweat a little bit. And then i went home! 

Next Tuesday we will have the evaluation and as i said before, i hope i will get another 8 weeks with my PT. That is the best outcome. Because it will be just me and my PT i will probably tell him about the fact that i probably do not really like PMT cause it makes me so "aware", and i prefer to feel "normal". I think that has been always my thing though, with therapy too. I sit there and have to talk about all my faults and things i struggle with and it is already something i think about 247. Now i have to go outside and waste my time with someone else who makes me aware of all those things i am already aware about 247??? It makes me more anxious. I already had that feeling with therapy and stuff, but i am glad i am vindicated now, because i actually realize that yeah... this doesn't work. Maybe therapy really isn't for me and i just need a normal person to hang out with lol. So essentially what i need is a friend.

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 4x12 rows ??kg
• 4x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg
• 3x15 adductors (25 > 27.5 > 27.5kg)
• 3x15 abductors (35 > 40 > 42.5kg)
• 10 minutes elliptical (5 - 1min) (6 - 4min) (7 - 1min) (8 - 2min) (7 - 1min) (6 - 1min)

Smile! (legs)

Yesterday i had planned to work-out, but something happened so i basically spend most of the day in bed. A really shitty day. I want today to be better. So i'm gonna work-out!

I btw realized that when i grab my legs i can really feel the muscle definition. My upper legs feel really hard, which is nice! I can't see the progress that much tbh but i can feel it!!!

I did a pretty long stretch of about 20 minutes and then i did bulgarian split squats and then i had to do the rest and i just couldn't get myself to put the weights on the barbell. I think i am going to get my period cause i just feel weaker in general. I did 1 set of bodyweight squats and i did 1 set of romanian deadlifts with my dumbbell and i called it quits LOL. At least i tried :)

• Bulgarian split squats 3x12 (7.5kg) 
• Squats with empty barbell 1x15 
• Romanian deadlifts 1x15 (7.5kg) 

PT: Day 15 (but he isn't there)

Today is gym day! But i have to go on my own cause apparently the dude has some type of coaching day again from his job. So i will train my legs today and then Friday i will do upper body with the PT. A little bit annoyed but at least i can go to the gym earlier now. I even went to bed early so i could get up early!

I will vent a bit under the jump break about my weekend and what i will be doing this week.

• Elliptical 5 (1min) 6 (4min) 7 > 8 > 7 > 6 > 5 (all for 1 minute)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg), 4x12 (50-60kg), 1x10 (70kg)
• Abductor 1x15 (35kg), 3x12 (40kg)
• Leg curl 3x12 (27.5kg), 1x12 (25kg)
• Adductor (stretch) 2x15 (27.5kg), 2x12 (30kg)
• Leg extension 1x12 (30 kg), 3x8 (35kg), 2x4 2x3 (35kg) 1x6 4x4 3x3 (30kg)

Chill day

Yesterday i made a wonderful pasta sauce for lunch, but i had some left over and didn't want to eat pasta again for dinner as well. So i caved and got a fresh french bread at the supermarket bakery. Oof. So good!!! Usually when i want to lose weight i prefer to not eat white carbs like white pasta and bread, but i don't regret it! I ate a little bit under my calorie goal and didn't feel hungry before going to bed. Although, at one point i wanted to eat something so i got a protein pudding i had in the fridge. It was a new one with tropical flavor? It was really nice. It had 164 calories and 15g of protein for 200 grams. So that was pretty swell. 

Today i woke up at a reasonable time but i stayed in bed and kept falling asleep and just lazing around. I felt that my body needed it so i just gave in to it. I usually prefer to do that during the weekend, but since my roommate usually gets up early i don't do that anymore, so i have to do it during the week. Oh well...

Right now it is almost 3PM and i want to do some work and also do some ab exercises. So i'm gonna get to it!

Small update but i almost ate 2,000 calories today :( About 700 of those calories came from bread. So i ate very little in volume overall. That stuff adds up fast!!! I hate it!!! At least on Saturday me and a friend will go to a concert so i will burn some calories there, but i still hate that i ate so much today, UGH.

PT: Day 13 (upper body) (and American elections!)

Today are the American elections. I don't really care that much tbh. I am a little bit burned out by it all. My Youtube frontpage is currently filled with Youtubers who i sometimes watch livestreaming, which is kind of funny. I tuned into all of them and they are all kind of boring so now i had wished i was livestreaming. Oh well... 

Today at the gym it went pretty well. Upper body with dumbbells again. I have no idea half the sh*t i am doing lol. I will have to ask my PT about the exercises that i do so i can properly write it down here. I was also on time today (appointment at 14.30, i am there at 14.15 to do cardio) but my PT was already there. So i asked if he maybe wants to meet earlier? Because today i was ready to go at like 1PM and i was being annoyed that i had to wait for over an hour to go, so yeah, we have now decided that i will be there at 2PM. So at least that.

There was also one of the "bigger men" at the gym there. He always wears shorts lol. He is a bit older than most people there. He's really nice. He gives like a nice vibe energy~ that i like. At one point he was working out next to me and he was huffing and puffing lol. Good for him! 

For the adductors i did at the end i finally got to put the seat at 5 instead of 6 and that helped soooo much. I immediately felt the difference and the stretch in my adductors. It felt so good! I've been having DOMs in my addies ever since. Yay! I also had to go down in weight cause of it, which is good!!!

• 10 minutes elliptical (5 - 6 minutes) (6 - 1 minute) (7 - 1 minute) (8 - 2 minutes) (7>6 - 1 minute)
• 10 minutes treadmill (5/5 - 5 minutes) (6/6 - 5 minutes)
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg
• 4x15 adductors (25 > 30 > 27.5 > 25kg)

Nice weather (leg day)

Today is totally opposite weather of what it was last week! It is a little bit chilly, sure, but the sun is shining and the sky is blue with white clouds! I feel a little bit tired today, even though i slept well. This week i hope to ingest more protein! I also checked out my legs and butt in the mirror yesterday and everything looks so much better, ugh. My butt is nice and round again and my thighs begin to take nice shape. I just have to lose some weight to get the nice definition toned look that i want.

I can definitely go up in weight when it comes to hip thrusts (20kg easy) and Romanian deadlifts i will do 10kg next time. I just want to build it slow so even if the weight is too easy i will just do 15 reps and then when i am finally at a weight where i feel some push back i can lower the reps. I just don't want to go too fast and injure myself.

• Bulgarian split squats 3x12 (7.5kg) 
• Hip thrusts 4x12 (14kg) 
• Romanian deadlifts 4x15 (8kg) 
• Squats 1x15 (0kg) 4x15 (4kg)

PT: Day 12 (lower body)

I forgot exactly what i did today. I only remember i did 4 sets of everything and i mostly went up or stayed the same in weights as the last time. Also the PT brought his intern today. She was really normie, but really nice. At one point, to comfort me, she was like "look, no one in the gym pays attention to you!" and she started flossing LOL. When i came home i still felt like i had some energy so i dead some RDLs with 10kg.

• 10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)
• leg press 1x15 30kg, 3x12 leg press, 1x10 70kg
• abductors 3x12, 35kg - 1x12, 37.5kg
• leg curl 4x12 22.5kg
• leg extension 1x12 30kg, 3x8 35kg
• romanian deadlifts 4x12 10kg

"Rest" day

I didn't work-out today. I only recorded and edited. I got up semi-earlyish and have been busy the entire day. My roommate came back from work earlier today and we went grocery shopping as well which took away some of my time. I'm really tired and might go to bed earlier tonight so i can get up at a decent time tomorrow and finish my work. Regardless of what happens, i want to sneak in a 30-45 minute core exercise routine tomorrow. Friday gym again and i am kind of looking forward to it. Not the PT but just going to the gym. I feel like i am getting some of my motivation back again which feels nice. I think it helps to just focus on working out and going to the gym now. I don't focus so much on food. When i eat i do try to eat high protein foods. When i crave chocolate i will eat a chocolate protein bar etc. but i am definitely not hitting my protein target (yet). I try not to stress over it cause i am already happy that i am back in the gym. Next week i want to clean up my kitchen and defreeze my freezer, so i will make a list of all the foods i have so i can plan out my meals properly. I also have to order some new protein powder tomorrow!!!

PT: Day 11 (upper body day) (but i am too early)

Ah, today is dumb. I didn't get to record yesterday so i wanted to do it today. And in my mind i would have more than enough time today cause i thought i had to be at the gym at 1PM, but that is on Friday... on Tuesdays we meet at 02.30PM. Welp. So i was at the gym at 1PM and I did my cardio and then i checked the actual time on my phone on my calendar and i was like "whoops". So i finished my cardio, went home and walked the dog. I was even annoyed with myself this morning that i got up too late. I woke up at 10PM and fell back asleep around 11PM till 11.45PM so i didn't have much time to get ready. And didn't have time to stretch. But now that i was home early i could stretch. 

My PT called me at 2.20PM asking where i was cause he said that people at the gym saw me and that i left. Well... that was weird. I didn't pick up the phone but i read his message and said i was on my way. I told him i only wanted to do the LAT pulldown and no other machines. Or at least the machines we did last time cause i didn't like them. We did some other exercises and that was nice. I feel it was more in my back now as well, especially the rows were nice. So it was a successful day i guess. I just felt like a little child between all the big guys. At one point i looked in the mirror while i was doing an exercise and my arms are so small lol. At the end i also stayed and did adductors to stretch them. I didnt go too high.

• 10 minutes elliptical (5 - 6 minutes) (6 - 1 minute) (7 - 1 minute) (8 - 2 minutes) (7>6 - 1 minute)
• 10 minutes treadmill (5/5 - 5 minutes) (6/6 - 5 minutes)
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg
• 4x15 adductors (20 > 22.5 > 25 > 22.5kg)

Sad weather // Leg day at home

Today i wanted to do two things: squats and recording. Halloween is coming up so i want to make sure i have a Halloween video ready to go out on that day. And i wanted to do a leg day at home. Since tomorrow i have to work out with my PT again and we will do upper body day. Not very excited about that since i would like to just do my own upper body day at home lol. I haven't done a leg day at home for some time so i am quite nervous but i will build up with weights slowly but surely. I also think i will do squats last, because when something effs up it's always with the squats lol. So i will do them last. Probably with the bar first and then building up weight? I don't know yet. We will see. A very good stretch first tho!

Tomorrow i also want to be at the gym before my PT, so i can do cardio properly. I was thinking the elliptical for 20 minutes. And then the treadmill for 10... The thing is just that when you take cardio away from our routine, there is usually a lot of time left over at the end of our session. Although, with upper body it might be different now cause we have to figure out some things to do with weights, instead of the stupid machines that will break my muscles lol.

• Bulgarian split squats 3x12 (7.5kg) 
• Hip thrusts 4x12 (10kg) 
• Romanian deadlifts 1x15 (4kg) 4x15 (6kg) 
• Squats 1x15 (bar) 4x15 (2kg)

Vacation Day: Day 6 & 7

So this was my vacation weekend. On Friday my roommate and i brought his car to the repair guy and on Saturday we had to pick it up. I slept in like a bear in hibernation. When i woke up i got ready, grabbed the dog, and we walked to the repair guy to pick up his car. When we came back we cleaned. I cleaned up the bathroom and my roommate did some stuff in the living room. In the evening we watched the new Quiet Place movie and it was really underwhelming. At least the cat was cute! On Sunday we both slept in and basically did nothing. I bought us some ice cream in the evening and we played a new couch coop game and that was it. A nice ending to my vacation week i guess. 

I am really sad for some reason that this week is over haha. It was so nice and calm this week. Made some good edits. Workouts went well. My anxiety didn't feel too bad... ugh.

Vacation: Day 5 (legs, gym)

Today i felt better. I went to bed at a proper time and woke up at around 1PM today. Pretty good. I didn't feel like going to the gym though and i started stressing a little bit cause i was like "oh no i will be too late" but i ended up going at 3, so it wasn't that bad.

When i got in both elliptical machines were taken so i did treadmill and elliptical after. I then went to the leg press and felt weaker today. I didn't have this problem with the other machines though. The abductor actually went so well that i think i can do 40kg next week. On the leg curl i also set the chair on 3 instead of 2 and i think i felt it more in my legs but i am not sure, it was like i had better range of motion? But i am not sure how to properly set that machine so i will have to look it up to make sure i do it right. I also did the adductor machine with a low weight to mainly stretch my adductor cause it feels so stiff! It felt nice to stretch it like that. I used very controlled movement to make sure it would stretch properly. I looked up some stretches today that i will have to do daily for my adductors and if it doesn't get better i will probably go to a physical therapist.

• Treadmill 5/5 (5 minutes) 6/6 (5 minutes)
• Elliptical 5 (1min) 6 (7min) 7 (30secs) 8 1.30min)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (50kg), 3x12 (60kg), 1x10 (70kg)
• Adductor (stretch) 1x12 (27.5kg), 2x12 (22.5kg)
• Abductor 4x12 (35kg)
• Leg curl 3x10 (27.5kg), 1x10 (25kg)
• Leg extension 1x10 (30kg), 3x8 (30kg), 4x4 3x3 (35kg)

After the gym i walked with my dog, and then i stretched, and then i also went into town with my roommate, so i was pretty active today. Short but productive day i guess! I also edited last night and i made some pretty good and cool edits that i am really happy with. I hope to finish my video this weekend cause i need to record and edit a Halloween video as well!!!

Vacation: Day 4 (rest)

Today i was supposed to do upper body day, but i didn't get any sleep last night. I went to bed and just couldn't sleep. At some point my roommate woke up to go to work and i still couldn't sleep. I got up at some point and my head felt so hazy, so i gamed a bit and then became really tired around 11-12 so i went to bed and slept till like 3. I didn't feel like doing anything today, so today is rest day!

And uhh i just wanted to say that i am really happy how things are going so far, although i am dreading going to the gym again on Friday. Usually once i am there i am fine, it is just before i go. What i did realize is that i feel better when going alone, cause i can go whenever i want. If i want to sleep in a bit in the morning i can do that. If i want to go at 2 but i still have to stretch? I can take my time and stretch. Now i constantly have to hurry and be done at a certain time and i hate it (when i have appointments with my PT that is). Having this "vacation" feels so nice. I also started cleaning my apartment, something i also feel like i can't do often cause i have my weekly meetings at my house so i feel like everything always has to be cleaned up. Now i have a 2 week break from those appointments so i can do whatever i want!!! My house looks like a mess right now AND THAT'S GOOD! It's a mess for a reason! I am cleaning everything up. Let it be a mess for a while. It feels nice and freeing.

I do think this "vacation" was really needed for me. I realize now that i just don't do well with others, especially when it is time constrained? Like if i had a gym buddy and i would tell them "i'll be there at 2" and i arrive at 02.15 they wont care. They can just work out on their own, they don't need me. But when you are tied to someone who was hired to "train" you (even though he isn't doing that at all), then you have an obligation and responsibility and i just don't vibe with that apparently. 

Also when it comes to training i am kind of annoyed that my PT doesn't help me more. When i went to the gym for my first try out lesson last year i got a "try out training" from a dude there and he was very helpful. He asked sometimes if he could touch me to let me know what muscle i should be feeling and that was super useful. I thought my PT would do something alike but he doesn't. Very often i do a workout and i feel like i am doing it wrong but he never corrects my posture (this mainly has to do with upper body workouts) which is really frustrating. When i did lat pull downs for the first time with that gym dude i did it wrong a few times and he corrected me until i got it right. To test the PT i did the pull downs wrong for a few reps and he never corrected me. I then even asked "am i doing it right?" and he was like "yeah, yeah you are doing great!". It's so tiring :(

Vacation: Day 3 (core)

Today i want to kind of chill. My body doesn't hurt that much (if at all) luckily; no DOMs. I really think that doing a proper warm-up and cooldown stretch really helps with DOMs. Usually with my PT we go on the treadmill, but i think the elliptical is a way better warmup (for me at least). Oh well... today i want to clean my apartment, edit, and i will probably do some core exercises as to not be completely dormant. I am btw also realizing that my thighs have gotten bigger which is nice. Maybe i need to start measuring them to keep track.

I was also thinking cause i want to be able to do a pull-up. I've been talking about this for a while. I even made it known to my PT. There is a machine in the gym that can help you with pull-ups and we have never gone on it. I even pointed it out on our first day. I also clearly said that "i have never done a pull-up and i would like to do one". He said that i should just practice with elastics. Welp. So i think i should start incorporating daily exercises to get myself to do the pull-up. Like just hanging on my pull-up bar daily will already help i feel.

• Bicycle crunches 3x20 
• Reverse crunch 3x20
• Lying leg floor raise 3x20
• Russian twist (7.5kg) 4x10
• Hanging knee raises 4x8

I also haven't felt as hungry the last few days. I think that is a good thing though cause i really need to lose weight. Some of my pants that were too big on me are getting kind of snug, which obviously indicates that i have gotten fatter lol. I usually indicate my "fatness" based on if i bend to the side if there is a big fat roll or not. When i was at my fittest it was just a skin crinkle, now i have a proper fat roll. I know if i would do cardio at least 3-5 times a week i could easily lose this extra weight in less than a month, but that involves me having to go to the gym LOL. Whenever i do eat i try to eat something with protein, like when i crave something sweet i will have a protein bar, and when i crave something salty i will whip up some soy bites or something. I try to at least get 60g of protein a day, which isn't a lot, but it is better than nothing. I will tell my roommate today to order me some new protein powder and some protein chips so i at least have those. I will have to also experiment with making hot chocolate with protein powder cause i feel like that would be nice as the days are getting colder.

Vacation: Day 2 (leg day gym)

I barely got out of bed this morning, so i ended up getting out of bed at like 1PM lol. Got ready for the gym etc. I didn't feel hungry so i didn't eat anything which was a misstep probably but eh. I went to the gym around 3. I believe i was there at 3.15PM. It was pretty crowded. Only zoomers though. I think it might be fall vacation. I wanted to go later anyways cause there is this creepy guy at the gym that is always there every Tuesday and he stares at me and i hate it. He looks like he has autism or something. I prefer a more crowded zoomer gym over an empty gym with him staring at me tbh. They were also doing some construction in the gym and at one point the power went out, but luckily i was on a machine that didn't need power so it was all good.

At some point though i went to the leg curl, which is next to the lat pulldown machine, and there was a girl on it who kept getting up after she did her reps and at one point she just stood in front of me and the guy next to me. Idk if she was watching us or whatever. It was so awkward. I never made eye contact but i thought to myself like "giiirl, do you not realize how awkward this is right now you weirdo?". Guess those people do not know what personal space is LOL

I did the elliptical again and i was sweating so hard again, which was good. I then went on the leg press and did 70kg again. Then i went on to the adductors and i was struggling, mainly cause the adductor muscle didn't seem properly stretched so i need to stretch that, and also cause the tiny weight was on and i didn't realize until my last set. I wanted to go on to the leg curl but there was a broccoli hair on it so i waited 2 minutes and then just did abductors until he was done. I didn't use a high weight. I then went on to the leg extension and when i went home i walked my dog, did some stretching, and did some body weight squats.

• 10 minutes elliptical (1 minute: level 5, 9 minutes: level 6, 1 minute: level 7)
• leg press 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (50kg), 2x12 (60kg), 1x10 (70kg)
• adductors 1x15 (27.5kg), 2x12 (32.5kg), 1x10 (27.5kg)
• abductors 1x12 (25kg), 2x12 (30kg), 1x15 (30kg)
• leg curl 1x12 (25kg), 1x10 (27.5kg), 1x8 (27.5kg), 1x8 (25kg)
• leg extension 3x10 (30kg), 26x1 (35kg) [x3 x5 x4 x4 x4 x4 x2 x3]
• 20 body weight squats

Vacation: Day 1 (upper body home)

Today is my first day of my "vacation". I intended to go to the gym today, Wednesday, and Friday. I think that wont happen though, cause i am not feeling it today. However, i think i will make it an upper body day at home. The muscle in my chest feels a bit better, still a bit stiff, but with a good warm up i think i will manage. The rest of the day i just want to clean up my apartment for at least an hour, edit a bit, walk the dog... will i have time for it all lol. We will see i guess!

• shoulder shrugs on pull up bar 3x6
• bent over rows 4x10 (6kg)
• bar curls 3x12 (4kg)
• dumbbell lateral raise 3x8 (2kg)
• dumbbell shoulder press 3x12 (2kg)
• sitting twists 3x12
• side bends 3x12 (7.5kg)

PT: Day 10 (period)

I got my period. Gym went pretty well.

• 10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)
• 1x15 leg press, 30kg - 1x15 leg press, 50kg - 2x12, 60kg, - 1x10 70kg
• 1x15 abductors, 30kg - 1x12, 35kg - 1x12, 37.5kg
• 1x15 leg curl, 20kg - 2x12, 22.5kg
• 1x10 leg extension, 25kg - 3x8, 30kg

Vacation next week!!!

Well... not really a vacation, but everyone i usually have appointments with wont be there. My PT cancelled cause on Tuesday he has to remove his wisdom tooth, and on Friday he has some course. It's funny cause my PT was like "whoops, not my fault". Even though he could've planned the wisdom tooth extraction on another day?? I'm pretty sure he usually is off on Wednesday or Thursday. And your dentist doesn't force you to come in at a certain day. I feel like he did it on purpose. I can't explain it (probably just my paranoia though).

The lady that i see weekly (who was here today) will have a 2 week vacation so i wont be seeing her for two weeks. She seemed out of it today. She probably already checked out and was thinking about her 2 weeks off from work lol.

I am kind of looking forward to next week. I can go to the gym whenever i want! Whatever time i want! I can warm up as long as i want and i don't have to worry about "being late". I can do a full week of lower body training. I also hope my arm heals so i can do upper body training at home. I don't know why i am looking forward to it so much, but it is so nice to think about doing my own thing and getting back into my own routine. I am almost thinking about checking out the week after from my PT as well. Just cancel. Say i am sick or something lol. And then just go to the gym on my own.

Right now i am going to walk my dog and afterwards go to the store to get a monster energy, do my workouts, and make lunch!!!

Pectoralis Major

In my previous post i talked about the fact that i (probably) pulled my teres minor/major, but i now think it is actually the Pectoralis Major, which is just the pectoris muscle. It is a big muscle so obviously you don't tear the entire thing, and i've only torn the small part of it that borders your armpit. I think this is because last week when we worked out my upper body i did not have time to properly warm up my upper body. My PT let me warm up on the LAT pulldown only with a low weight and that was it. So, result: not properly warmed up. I think that caused a tear. The same problem i usually have when i don't properly warm up with my legs. I think this is because i have lived a pretty stationary life and my muscles are usually in a more "condensed" state, which means that i have to warm them up properly not to injure myself before working out.

It is too bad that my PT does not take warming up as seriously as i do. I remember asking him last week if i should do a proper warm up and, as i said, he just let me "warm up" on the LAT pulldown with a low weight (which doesn't do anything, lets be honest). 

I Googled (as i do) and i found this website: https://sportsclinicnq.com.au/pectoralis-major-strain/

It said on it:

A pectoralis major strain typically occurs when the muscle is forcibly contracted whilst in a stretched position. This can occur during weight training when performing bench press exercises. When the bar is lowered, the pectoralis major muscle is stretched across the chest. In this position, overstretching of the muscle combined with the need to generate high muscle forces to lift and lower the bar may place too much stress on the muscle. The muscle subsequently tears. Collision sports and wrestling are other activities where this can occur.

It then follows with:

The first sensation you feel when the pectoralis major muscle is torn is sudden pain felt in the chest or more commonly, at the front of the armpit. 

Yep, that's me! But the worst thing is that it continues and says to CEASE ACTIVITY cause a FULL RUPTURE can occur. Lol. So i should've not been working out yesterday. That's kind of frightening.  When i checked other websites they basically said that if you have a full tear that you need surgery, and that a partial tear will take 2 weeks to heal. 

On another website:

The muscle normally helps to ‘break’ or slow down the motion, preventing the weight from falling on the chest. If this eccentric contraction (where the muscle lengthens in a controlled fashion) is uncoordinated, either because of muscle fatigue or weakness, the weight is allowed to slip to one side resulting in a sudden contraction of the Pec Major, leading to tear or rupture.

The risk of occurrence of this injury is increased when the elbows are allowed to drop lower than the body during this maneuver.

So i think it happened cause i was just too weak and did an exercise that my body shouldn't have been doing with a weight that was beyond my capabilities. It's weird that i have never had this issue on my own. I honestly feel like the way i was working out last year was already perfect. I did my own thing, moved at my own pace... and i feel with my PT i sometimes go too fast too soon. I also don't think that doing the upper body machines were smart to do. With most of them you start with 5kg!!! And you can't go lower than that. I remember when i first started squatting that it was literally body weight, followed up by a small 3kg dumbbell and then moving up slowly. 

The same also with doing upper body exercises. For a long time i did it with very low weights that basically didn't give me any resistance or made me grow muscle mass but it did make my body adapt to the exercises, so once i went up in weight i was good to go. I would usually also warm up with my very low weight dumbbells. When you are on these machines you cannot warm up with something light, if the lightest is already 5kg. Very frustrating.

I told my PT from the start that my upper body is super weak, and i have never really worked it out. I am also a small woman who is sedentary mainly. So i guess he didn't take all those things into consideration and just let me workout like that. I don't know... it feels kind of irresponsible. Especially seeing how i have never had this issue on my own... So now i can't work out with free weights for the coming weeks or what? 

Anyways, it's obvious i would do better by doing dumbbell exercises, but i digress. I'm gonna take my dog for a late night walk now and go to bed! 🙋🏻‍♀️

PT: Day 9 (upper body) (but im injured)

Today was a whirlwind of crazy stuff happening tbh. Maybe not really, but it felt that way. Yesterday night i was reading through my blog and realized how i have kept my strength weirdly enough. 

Today i did:

• Treadmill 5 minute 5 incline 5kmh / 5 minute 5.5 incline, 5.5kmh
• LAT pulldowns 3x12
• ??????? 3x?
• ??????? 3x?
• ??????? 3x?
• Russian Twists 8kg 3x10
• Adductors 3x12 (25kg)

Work-outish at home / stressed

Today was a shitty day for a ton of reasons; i went to sleep early yesterday, fucked my sleeping schedule, got up at like 6 in the morning, had to take a nap, my legs still hurt, had to go to my grandparents, more stress, i want to pick up smoking again... uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

• 5x5 bodyweight squats
• 5x5 romanian deadlifts (4kg)
• 5x5 hip thrusts (4kg)

PT: Day 8 (Smith Machine disaster)

Today was leg day again and i had like 0 energy. We were supposed to do the smith machine squats today, but it didn't go well and now i am annoyed. They are also "restructuring" the gym to create more space and maybe get more machines. I need to message them about getting a hack squat machine lol. My arms still hurt from Tuesday lol.

• 10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)
• 1x6 smith machine, 2.5kg 
• 3x12 abductors, 35kg
• 1x12 leg press, 60kg - 2x12, 50kg
• 3x12 leg curl, 22.5kg
• 4x8 leg extension, 25kg

PT: Day 7 (Eval day + upper body)

Today was evaluation day! I also did something nice for a kid in the store. And some huge storm/tornado is heading towards Florida!!! I hope everyone there is ok and all the animals will be able to find shelter too. My heart goes out to everyone over there♥

Today was upper body day and i did:

• LAT pulldowns 3x12
• ??????? 3x?
• ??????? 3x?
• ??????? 3x?
• Russian Twists 8kg 3x10
• Triceps something 3x10

Eval tomorrow

I am happy to see that i am taking my personal training days seriously. Even on the days when my PT cancels; i will go to the gym alone. I still struggle with going to the gym alone on other days though. I think the problem is mainly that i feel like i have so much to do still, that i'd rather stay at home and do those things. But then i stay at home to do those things and then i don't do those things either. I procrastinate everything, instead of just focusing on one thing. I think if anything it shows that having accountability for me really works eg. i will go to the gym on the days my PT and i have our appointments. The reason that i still go on the days that he cancels is that he can check at the register if i went or not (since you check in with your key fob, which is in their database). So there is no way for me to talk myself out of it "oh yeah i totally went, the key fob just malfunctioned". It's just not something i want to get into, so it is easier to just go and be honest when i have days that i really can't go. Like i told him that i would go to the gym on Monday (which is today) and i ended up not going since i am out of my ADHD medication and i don't feel comfortable going without taking it.

PT: Day 6

Happy Animal Day! Next time we will do an evaluation. 

10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)

3x12 leg press, 60kg

3x12 abductors, 35kg

3x12 leg curl, 25kg

4x8 leg extension, 30kg

3x12 lat pulldowns

PT: Day 5 (alone, again)

 My PT cancelled!!! ARGH. And also it was way more crowded than last time @ the gym :(

• 10 minutes steps (4 minutes level 6) (6 minutes level 5)
• 3x12 leg curl, 22.5kg
• 4x12 leg press, 60kg
• 1x12 30kg, 2x10 35kg abductors
• 1x10 25kg, 3x10 30kg leg extension

PT: Day 4

Today i did leg day with my PT! He offered me a job as a joke cause he said i was so knowledgeable about sport stuff/gym culture. The work thing was probably a joke, but he did seem impressed with my knowledge? I told him i just got my info from youtube and blogs (which is true) lol. It ain't that deep, bruh.

10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)

3x10 leg press, 60kg

3x10 abductors, 35kg

3x10 leg curl, 25kg

4x10 leg extension, 25kg

I need to start doing something else for my daily routine from Monday on cause i am constantly gaming again and i am neglecting other things i have to do.

PT: Day 3 (alone)

 PT was AWOL today, because he had a day off or something. I did go to the gym! I did:

• 10 minutes steps (3 minutes on 6, 7 minutes on 5)
• 2x12 leg press, 50kg - 2x10 leg press 60kg
• 3x10 abductors, 30kg
• 3x10 leg extension, 25kg
• 1x10 leg curls 25 kg, 3x8 leg curls, 30 kg

Yesterday i didn't do upper body so i guess i will do it tomorrow. I also added some pages to my blog at the top header for my protein smoothie, some clear protein advice, and also a helpful videos section!

Tomorrow (alone)

Tomorrow i am supposed to do upper body day with my PT. Unfortunately, that is not possible, because my PT has the day off that day. Sooo, i have to go on my own. He send me a message asking if "it will work out" and i told him that i don't know... because that is the truth. I did tell him that i would already be happy if i manage to stay an entire hour on my own, regardless of what i do so we made that the goal, but i already know what i am going to do i just didn't tell him lol. I want to do upper body at home today. And then tomorrow i want to do leg day at the gym. So 20 minutes warmup then leg press, ab/dductor, leg extension, and leg curl. I think i will try to go around 12. 

PT: Day 2 (leg day)

Work-out done! Weekend time!!! Today i did:

• 10 minutes treadmill: 5 incline, 5kmh
• 3x10 leg press, 50kg
• 3x10 abductors, 30kg
• 3x10 leg extension, 20kg
• 2x10 cable kickbacks, 7kg
• 3x10 leg curls, 25 kg

The past week

Tuesday night i felt motivated. I don't remember what i did on Wednesday. Today i visited my grandparents. Tomorrow will be my second meeting with my PT. I want to do some things differently next week.

PT: Day 1

Today i met up with my PT. It was a little bit awkward, but it went pretty well. We did some tests and at the end we did 20 minutes of cardio: 5km up hill 5k/mh. I was sweating at the end!!!

Prepping for tomorrow

Tomorrow will be my first work-out with my personal trainer! This weekend i rediscovered an old calorie counting website and i made a post-it wall with goals i want to accomplish. I also applied for a job today! Fingers crossed. Today i ate 1574 calories and 123 grams of protein and i took 3 post-its off the wall.