PT: Day 19 (upper body)

I was on time at the gym today! And the work-outs went alright. I went up 1-5kg in almost every single exercise which is nice. When i came home i did some short core exercises. I wanted to do more, but i felt really tired and it was at the end of the afternoon and i hadn't eaten all day. I do feel like i work-out better in a fasted state and i feel better overall by not eating early in the day. The only problem is eating all my calories and protein later in the day cause usually i feel full, but at least i'm trying!

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown 25kg
• 3x12 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x12 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

Then at home i did:

• Reverse crunch 3x20
• Planks 30 seconds
• Hanging knee raise 3x10 (per leg)
• Bicycle crunches 3x30 (per leg) 

I am so, so motivated to lose weight, especially cause i know i can easily do it. I did it in 1-2 months when i just started going to the gym. I remember how nice my body looked. I want to get that again, especially knowing that my PT knows what my weight and other stats are and i don't. I told him today i wanted to eat 120g of protein a day and he was like "oh so about double your weight". Excuse me? So i weigh 60kg??? That can't be right lol. I still fit in pants that i wore when i was 50kg. I would no way fit in those at 60kg. Usually when i become pudgier i weigh 53-55kg, so i am going to assume that is where i am at right now. It really threw me off though, cause i was thinking like "what if i am really 60kg". So now i feel that my ed is kind of triggered again and part of me doesn't even mind, which is fucked up. I know my PT didn't mean to trigger me but eh... Like tomorrow is supposed to be my rest day but i am thinking of doing some type of exercise cause i don't want to sit still and that is just constantly bonking in my head. Because i'm scared i will start binge eating or something since i'll be home all day; i have nowhere to go to, i will probably edit... i was thinking about visiting my grandparents but i know they will shove food in my face that i don't want and aaahhhh... life is so annoying.