Today i was supposed to do upper body day, but i didn't get any sleep last night. I went to bed and just couldn't sleep. At some point my roommate woke up to go to work and i still couldn't sleep. I got up at some point and my head felt so hazy, so i gamed a bit and then became really tired around 11-12 so i went to bed and slept till like 3. I didn't feel like doing anything today, so today is rest day!
And uhh i just wanted to say that i am really happy how things are going so far, although i am dreading going to the gym again on Friday. Usually once i am there i am fine, it is just before i go. What i did realize is that i feel better when going alone, cause i can go whenever i want. If i want to sleep in a bit in the morning i can do that. If i want to go at 2 but i still have to stretch? I can take my time and stretch. Now i constantly have to hurry and be done at a certain time and i hate it (when i have appointments with my PT that is). Having this "vacation" feels so nice. I also started cleaning my apartment, something i also feel like i can't do often cause i have my weekly meetings at my house so i feel like everything always has to be cleaned up. Now i have a 2 week break from those appointments so i can do whatever i want!!! My house looks like a mess right now AND THAT'S GOOD! It's a mess for a reason! I am cleaning everything up. Let it be a mess for a while. It feels nice and freeing.
I do think this "vacation" was really needed for me. I realize now that i just don't do well with others, especially when it is time constrained? Like if i had a gym buddy and i would tell them "i'll be there at 2" and i arrive at 02.15 they wont care. They can just work out on their own, they don't need me. But when you are tied to someone who was hired to "train" you (even though he isn't doing that at all), then you have an obligation and responsibility and i just don't vibe with that apparently.
Also when it comes to training i am kind of annoyed that my PT doesn't help me more. When i went to the gym for my first try out lesson last year i got a "try out training" from a dude there and he was very helpful. He asked sometimes if he could touch me to let me know what muscle i should be feeling and that was super useful. I thought my PT would do something alike but he doesn't. Very often i do a workout and i feel like i am doing it wrong but he never corrects my posture (this mainly has to do with upper body workouts) which is really frustrating. When i did lat pull downs for the first time with that gym dude i did it wrong a few times and he corrected me until i got it right. To test the PT i did the pull downs wrong for a few reps and he never corrected me. I then even asked "am i doing it right?" and he was like "yeah, yeah you are doing great!". It's so tiring :(
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