Eval tomorrow

I am happy to see that i am taking my personal training days seriously. Even on the days when my PT cancels; i will go to the gym alone. I still struggle with going to the gym alone on other days though. I think the problem is mainly that i feel like i have so much to do still, that i'd rather stay at home and do those things. But then i stay at home to do those things and then i don't do those things either. I procrastinate everything, instead of just focusing on one thing. I think if anything it shows that having accountability for me really works eg. i will go to the gym on the days my PT and i have our appointments. The reason that i still go on the days that he cancels is that he can check at the register if i went or not (since you check in with your key fob, which is in their database). So there is no way for me to talk myself out of it "oh yeah i totally went, the key fob just malfunctioned". It's just not something i want to get into, so it is easier to just go and be honest when i have days that i really can't go. Like i told him that i would go to the gym on Monday (which is today) and i ended up not going since i am out of my ADHD medication and i don't feel comfortable going without taking it.

So yeah, anyways, accountability. I have to awkwardly admit that i sometimes day dream about having someone in my life who just guides me in the right direction. Sometimes it is a love interest, sometimes it is just a friend, sometimes it's a mentor who sees the best in me, but God knows that i am craving stability. I already know that if i had someone who i clean my house with twice a week that my house would be clean. Even if it is just 2 hours a week. I got mad at my roommate (again) because he doesn't really help around the apartment. Every once in a while he grabs the vacuum cleaner but that doesn't mean anything when i have to vacuum once a day EVERY DAY and sometimes two times a day regardless cause of my dog. So that one time means nothing. 

Some time ago i found a lady in my town who helps people clean their house and teaches people how to keep it organized and neat. I might look into getting funding for that so i can hire her. My problem is also that when it is cleaned up that i have issues keeping it that way. When my roommate's family came over my apartment was relatively cleaned up and neat (and my roommate vacuumed every day LOL), but once they left everything became a mess again. It's also tiring cause i am sharing this space with another person now so i end up with less space for my own stuff.

When i think about what i need guidance with it is: working out, keeping my apartment neat/cleaned up, and my editing schedule. I feel like having a gym friend, a spouse, and an editor friend would already get me a long way, but i digress. I don't know how "normal" people do it.

Earlier today i cleaned out my bathroom towel cabinet cause the mouse that is living in my house got in it (i boarded up the hole it came through with cardboard now) so i had to wash all my towels and clean out the towel cabinet. It didn't take me that long to clean it out and add the cardboard (10 minutes tops) and now whenever i walk into the bathroom it is so nice to see the clean cabinet. I want to clean up the rest of my bathroom as well, but again, it is difficult for some reason. The last time i cleaned the bathroom properly was when my roommate's family came over and it took me  hours, ugh. I really need a cleaning lady or something.

Also tomorrow i have my evaluation with the funding guy, my PT, and then myself. The meeting will be at the gym. There's btw interns at the gym. They rotate every 6-8 months or so. They are pretty useless. The last time i asked any of them for help (which was last year) and i asked more in-depth questions about a work out they basically shrugged and said "idk", but overall they were pretty nice. The ones that are there now are straight up bullies. One of them makes fun of me all the time (he whisper talks with the other intern while they look at me) and it is really uncomfortable. Luckily they both have the physique of a pudgy kid i could push in a locker so i don't really care, but it is extremely frustrating. I was talking about this last year, but i really want to check out the other gym that is next door to my current gym. More serious people train there and there's only one guy who walks around for help and you have a reception desk that is outside of the training area. No interns. No bullshit. It is more expensive, but it might be worth it in the long run. The gym is also open for longer (till 12 at night). Although, i just read some reviews and people say there are interns there too WHO DON'T KNOW HOW THE MACHINES WORK. So i guess this problem is everywhere! Cool :). How difficult is it to go through a gym where you have your internships and check out all the different machines so you are familiar with them??? More than half the day they just stand behind the reception desk not doing anything. I can do that job!!! You could do that job from home LOL. So yeah uhh life sucks i guess.