Today was a shitty day for a ton of reasons; i went to sleep early yesterday, fucked my sleeping schedule, got up at like 6 in the morning, had to take a nap, my legs still hurt, had to go to my grandparents, more stress, i want to pick up smoking again... uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.
- 5x5 bodyweight squats
- 5x5 romanian deadlifts (4kg)
- 5x5 hip thrusts (4kg)
So yesterday we had band practice. It was alright. We tried to write a new song, but it didn't go as well as i had hoped. Our first song came together pretty easily, but our drummer had some weird feedback for our guitarist. I just don't think his drumming is advanced enough to keep up with weird time signatures. It is kind of annoying.
After band practice (we were home at like 10.30PM) i made food for us. I was sooo hungry. Afterwards my roommate went to sleep and i also laid in bed and then i just fell asleep too... when i woke up it was 6AM. Whoops. So i just scrolled around on the internet and at 7AM my roommate got up and i went to the nearby store to get us some fresh bread, so i guess that was nice. I played a video game and drank some tea and then at around 11AM i felt tired again so i went to sleep until 2PM. I then got up and cleaned my room a bit, did some laundry and did my workouts. I actually ended up doing my workouts a bit later (around 5PM), but i got a text from my roommate that he was gonna be home late anyways so i didn't feel like i had to rush which was nice. I didn't do a lot, but still. I wanted to dead hangs but i forgot lol. I might do them tomorrow before i go to the gym. I promised my PT that i would be there earlier to do cardio, and since i skipped on cardio today i think it will be good if i go on the stepper thing for like 10 minutes and sweat my ass off and then do lighter cardio on the treadmill until he comes in. That is my goal anyways.
When it comes to the exercises i did today... as i said, my legs still hurt from last week, but it actually felt kind of nice to do my workouts. It was like i was stretching my muscles. Because i used low weights i didn't really warm up which also took away a lot of pressure. Since usually warming up takes up a lot of time. I actually did some short warmups for like 2-4 minutes maybe. It wasn't that extensive. Just small stretches. I did my bodyweight squats with the couch. So when my butt touched the couch i raised up. Since my legs weren't 100% yet i felt like it was better to do that and not immediately do a deep squat.
The romanians and hip thrusts were way too low weight, but because i don't want to rush i am not sure what i want to do on Wednesday. I'm thinking to maybe do 5x6 squats and then 5x12 deadlifts/thrusts. But i don't know if that is too much. I mean if i keep the weight this low i think it wont be an issue, and i think it is better to keep the weight low this week, to build up my muscles properly. Okay so
Wednesday
- 5x6 bodyweight squats
- 5x10 romanian deadlifts (4kg)
- 5x10 hip thrusts (4kg)
I don't know yet what i want to do on Friday, i will see how it will go on Wednesday. I will probably just do more reps. Although, i will probably be mega sore on Wednesday again eh.
After my roommate came home we hung out a bit and talked about our drummer, and then we got ready to go to my grandparents cause my grandpa kept calling me about his laptop and to print stuff out and also my grandma's radio wasn't working. My grandpa had a heart attack less than a year ago or so and ever since he is very forgetful and kind of annoying. Also, my sister's boyfriend fried my grandpa's old laptop and now he has a new one with Windows 11 and it is so frustrating to work with Windows 11 tbh. When i wanted to make a shortcut for his Outlook Email app it took me about 15-20 minutes to figure out how to do that (my roommate ended up finding a solution and it was very convoluted) (i dont even remember it anymore). In windows 10 you can just drag and drop any program you want on your desktop and you are good LOL. The minute i am forced to start using windows 11 because Microsoft refuses to update windows 10 i will probably just log out from the internet. A bunch of bullshit.
So yeah, anyways, that made me very anxious and annoyed. Also, my uncle and niece fucked with my grandpa's laptop again so all his bookmarks were gone? And he wasn't logged into his email. Even when my dumb younger sister goes on my grandpa's laptop she has never fucked it up (except for once, when she somehow managed to put a colorblind mode on it and i have no idea how she even figured that out or why she did that LOL). But she never messed with his chrome settings or whatever (he can't work in any other browser, i made him try, but he just can't do it). One time i had to go to my grandpa's place cause, somehow, my niece WHO BTW IS STUDYING TO BECOME A DOCTOR/SURGEON changed his primary browser to Microsoft Edge? So my grandpa couldn't log into anything cause all his passwords were stored on Chrome and he was freaking out. I had to cancel two appointments i had that day for that. It worries me to know that our future doctors are this stupid LOL.
Once we got home i felt uneasy. I had this phantom pressure on my stomach; urging me to exhale deeply, but no matter how much i tried, the relief remained lost and the pressure is still there (it is now almost 2AM). Apparently it is going to freeze tonight, and all i want to do is go outside in the cold with my dog and smoke a cigarette. I don't know if i wrote about that here, but last year, around the same time as now, i would go outside at night to walk my dog and smoke. It was the best thing ever. Such a good stress reliever. I wouldn't do it every night, usually only when it was hair wash day (so i wouldn't smell like smoke). I know smoking is a bad habit, and the weird thing is that i usually never crave smoking. I used to smoke when i was younger at concerts, my part-time job, or at college, because it was cheaper to smoke 3-5 cigarettes a day than to buy lunch/dinner. Smoking kept me from eating. I would spend like 5-8 bucks on a pack of cigs and it would last me a week, sometimes more. For 5-8 bucks i could maybe buy 2 meals. I didn't have a lot of money back then so it helped with saving money (isnt that weird lol). I was never addicted to smoking. I never smoked at home. I never craved smoking at home. And i stopped once i didn't go to college anymore and i quit my part-time job. I would only sometimes smoke at concerts, but that was about it.
And i still have never smoked at home. I just developed this "at night smoking while walking the dog" last year. My anxiety levels have been rising every year and i really felt that was the only time i felt calm, collected... i don't know. I think it has to do with the fact that at night here, in my town, it is super quiet. You will maybe see 1 or 2 cars at most, doesn't matter where you are in town. So the silence feels really serene. But i realized that usually when i would walk the dog at night my brain would start racing. I would think about things a lot instead of just enjoying the silence. One time i had a cigarette left over from a concert and i decided to smoke it during my night walk (mainly also cause i don't want anyone in my neighborhood to think that i smoke, cause i don't, not like some of my neighbors do anyways) (and plus they would probably preach dumb shit to me that i am too young to smoke or whatever even though i am older than they think i am) and i realized that for the first time in a long time i felt so calm during my walk. Like i could properly empty my head without racing thoughts. I think it has to do with the fact that i am actively doing something while i am walking the dog; smoking. So all my body has to do is focus on walking - not falling - the dog, and smoking. At that point it doesn't have time for racing thoughts. And if anything, i really need it right now. My roommate is still stressing me out. I still have issues with cleaning my house. I feel like i am trying, but nothing happens. I don't know, it feels tiring. And i just need that serenity back. Probably in a few weeks it will be too cold to smoke outside anyways, cause it will properly freeze at night, and my hands will die if i try to do so lol.
Oh and this is a note to self: I HAVE TO LEAVE AT 2 tomorrow. NO EXCUSES. There's no excuse for me not to be ready to go at 2 tomorrow. If i go to bed at around 3.30AM and fall asleep around 4, i can wake up at 11 (i slept for 7 hours). I then have 3 hours to get ready!!!!!!!!!!!
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