AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Last Friday was a fluke cause of my upstairs neighbors. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Read more under the read more tab i guess... TLDR; I didn't go to the gym on Friday and my diet was crappy this weekend so back to it today!!!

• Shallow squats 4kg (3x10)
• RDL 20kg (3x8)
• Barbell hip thrust 20kg (4x10)

I started today with squats. Still scared to do them, but i really want to pick it back up so i have to start at some point. I did more shallow squats and then went lower and lower until i felt tension. That went pretty good. After 3 sets i felt burns in my addies so i was like that is enough.

After that i did my RDLs. I am going up in weight with my RDLs and my arms are going to fail at some point. I do not understand my stupid barbell straps, but i did see Will try out some "tiktok hacks" or whatever in one of his videos where he used those triangle cable machine attachment grips for doing dumbbell RDLs, so why not for barbell? I have to order a pair, pronto. I do think it is already crazy that i can (kind of?) easily do 20kg RDL, as when i was training more i was stuck around 16/18kg and when i worked out with the PT i did around 20kg. I have been out for so long and now i am already back to 20kg??? Maybe my body really needed that long period of rest lol.

After that hip thrusts. During my first set my addies and glutes started to burn after 8 reps lol. So i kept it to 8 reps. I think it is cause i increased the weight so suddenly. I could easily do more, but my muscles aren't used to it yet. That's why i am just following the weight of my RDLs (which is also easier for me in terms of set up lol) (im so lazy).

After the thrusts i wanted to do bulgarian split squats but i ended up not doing them. I'm thinking about doing them on Wednesday together with shallow squats again. I mean... why not?

Hunngyyyy & neighbor update

I am starting to feel the effects of undereating. Last night i felt hungry before i went to bed: my stomach was making sounds even after eating my yogurt. Then this morning when i woke up and also during the day my stomach kept making sounds. I didn't necessarily felt hungry, but i could tell my body was hungry.

Today for lunch i ate a veggie plant-based chycken filet. It doesn't have a lot of protein so i ate 2. They are kind of dense in calories when you look at the protein, but since that's fine i don't feel too bad about it. I made some oven fries with it as well. Not sure yet what i will eat for dinner, but i accidentally opened a chocolate soy mylk pack - thinking it was almond milk - so i need to empty that, so i might make a protein smoothie later tonight.

Also my neighbors left again and today came back? Although i think it is just his daughter. Her electric fat bike (ofc she drives one) was in front of their door i noticed, and i also do not hear the guy (her dad), cause you usually hear him talk or laugh or make weird noises when he is home. I can also recognize her footsteps (yes, the noise is so insane that i can recognize these a-holes by their footsteps). 

The renting org btw finally took me seriously. I first had email contact with a guy from their social unit. I normally always have contact with a woman who handles things, but she is on vacation. And this guy seemed a bit more proactive. So to capitalize on that i wrote him a long email with all the issues that i have been having with them. He gave me his number in case anything is ever up, so i can always reach him (i btw never got the number from the woman. i always had to call their general number and that one closed its lines at like 12PM lol, so absolutely useless).  The day after he was at my door with another guy from the org to tell me what they will be doing. They said they went at their door a few times but they weren't home, so he said he will send them an email cause he wants to check out their vent system.

I am kind of fuming right now cause that means that the vent system issue could've been solved eons ago. I complained about this ages ago to the woman and she kept making excuses, but my other upstairs neighbors also complained about it, but we never were taken seriously. So i am happy these guys are more proactive and i also have 2 different contacts now within the org. I am hellbent on getting them kicked out, as i am sure that they are never going to change their ways anyways.

I also got contacted by the neighbor helping squad or whatever who will help you talk to your neighbor face-to-face. They told me they will call me for an appointment one of these days. So a lot is happening. I just want it to be over. I honestly don't even want them to fix their issues, i just want them to move.

Diet experiment success!

 My diet experiment yesterday went really well!!! I'll show you what i ate:

• Morning: Protein yogurt with soy crispies
• Lunch: Plant-based mini (not-meat) balls
• Dinner: Rice, soy pieces with tandoori, brown rice mix
• Snack: Protein yogurt with soy crispies

I did not feel hungry once during the day and all this together was only 1,173 calories and 108.5g of protein! Isn't that crazy?!?!? I always add extra soy chunks to my dinners wherever i can to up the protein but i could've easily added less, cause i think i added too much to my dish (it made it not taste good). But even if i had left out the extra soy chunks i would've still eaten 99g of protein. That is crazy!

For lunch i actually wanted to eat soy chunks, but i realized i would eat a lot of soy that day and wasn't in the mood for the same type of flavor throughout. So i went through my freezer to see what i had and remembered that i still had left over mini (not-meat) balls from the day before. So i heated some of those up. There were only 9 pieces, 150 calories and 13g of protein. But not every meal has to be high protein and it kept me satiated till dinner.

When i realized how easily it is now for me to get to my protein goal while maintaining low calorie; i immediately ordered more soy crispies and some soy chunks lol. It is mainly the soy crispies that are so wonderful. They are like cereal and love the extra crunch they add to the yogurt. I can even add it on top of ice cream and other sweet things that i like to eat. You also don't need much!

I ended up grabbing a cup from my cupboard and fill that up with exactly 50g of soy crispies with a little scooper and put it on my desk (since i am there most of the day) So i could easily add it to my yogurt. I also ate a bit too much yogurt in the morning, i felt so full. I only ate 155g but maybe have to lower it to 100g. If i eat 100g protein yogurt with the crisps 3 times a day i already am at 71.7g of protein and only 441 calories. Gosh, if i had known this sooner it would've been so easy to follow a consistent high protein diet when i went to the gym more! 

It's nice to know that it is easy now to reach my protein target without having to stress over making meals or whatever. So i am ever so grateful about finding out about the soy crispies omg. 

I did not work out yesterday. I easily could've, but i didn't. The heat was still in the air. It was like a weird moist kind of heat, even though the sun was barely out yesterday. My hands and feet were tingly. This could indicate a b12 deficiency, but i have been taking my b12 pills pretty regularly the last month or so. Same with vitamin D, and i've been sitting more in the sun as well at the end of the day. But i can tell that i probably do have a vitamin deficiency. I am so tired all the time. I probably need to get it checked but i will first try and see if i will feel better by making sure to take my vitamin pills every day.

The heat returns

This weekend my glutes and hammies had some good DOMs. It wasn't bad enough that i needed support to sit down, but it was just about enough that i felt it, which is good! Makes me excited to work out at home again. 

Initially i wanted to do 3 days a week, but i think right now that will be unrealistic. Instead i want to keep going to the gym on Friday, cause i like Fridays, and then do a leg day at home on Tuesdays. I think that will balance things out a lot, and it doesn't have to be perfect... just yet.

On top of that, i have been feeling extremely tired cause the heat has returned and also i am on my period. I might have an iron deficiency or something. I haven't felt this tired during my period for a long time.

I have also decided that i am going to plan out my diet better starting this week. I have to see what i will do, but i either under eat or overeat every day. And i usually don't eat healthy things. I am very often not in the mood to think about what i want to cook or what i want to eat that day and then i usually just wait till the end of the day and then eat something. Or i snack on chocolate peanuts. This has to change, obviously.

I think i want to aim for a 1,200 - 1,500 calorie window. I prefer lower for now cause i think i need to lose the fat, but i'll allow myself the 1,500. Hitting my protein target should be easy now with the soy crisps and the soy pieces. I don't know what i want my protein target to be, but i think minimum 80g.

I already calculated now that if i eat my soy yogurt, protein yogurt, protein crisps (50 grams), and soy pieces (50 grams) i will have almost 80 grams of protein and only 715 calories. I just have to figure out how to make my diet more diverse. The problem is just that if i for example open a small can of idk edamame beans i cannot eat all of them. I get full so quick! So then i have to throw them away? That's a waste! So i have to check if i can maybe freeze them or something. And also make sure i get a full amino profile.

I just think what will be best is to just start the day with my soy protein yogurt and soy crisps. Then lunch with soy pieces and some rice and veggies. Then as dinner eat whatever fits in my calorie profile for the day (potatoes/fries/tators/pasta/rice with a meat replacement, sauce, veggies, whatever) and then as snack or dessert protein yogurt with soy crisps.

I will try and start with it tomorrow. I don't have small soy desserts anymore, but i do have the protein yogurt so i guess that will do for now. I will let you know how it goes!

I will also try and do leg day tomorrow at home, but i can't promise anything cause if the heat persists i am not gonna do anything lol.

Leg day at home?!

Yesterday i only slept for 3 hours and last night i only slept for 5-6 hours. I am so, so tired. On top of that i also got my period, which makes me even more tired. I was trying to get ready for the gym and i felt lightheaded. I just didn't feel too good. To lower my anxiety levels i decided to just not go to the gym. However, i will work out at home. I don't know how it is going to go, but i will try. This way i can take longer breaks if i need to and i can sit down without people asking me if i am okay. And i can work-out in shorts!!!

• Bulgarian split squats 7.5kg (4x8)
• RDL 14kg (3x10)
• Barbell hip thrust 14kg (4x10)
• Squats

I think i did pretty decent. I could easily go up with the RDL and the hip thrust was way too low in weight, but i was too lazy to change the weights and also i haven't done hip thrusts in a while so i think going lower weight was probably a better choice. My glutes are still burning so i guess i did something right. After my work-out i walked my dog as post cardio i guess and stretching the legs a little.

At the moment it seems that my upstairs neighbors aren't home again, so i hope it stays this way throughout the weekend so i can go to the gym maybe on Tuesday. That would be nice.

Neighbors are back home kms

So last week and this week i did not go to the gym on Monday. Last week i didn't go cause i woke up pretty late and i had a doozy day, and this week i wanted to go on Tuesday, but then my friend was going to come over to bring me a cable for my new screen and i didn't have time to go and i was really tired in the evening.

These might sound like excuses, but they really aren't. I am annoyed tho cause i could've worked out at home, or at least work out at home on another day, but i didn't do that either. However, i am trying to remain positive because i have been going to the gym every Friday since i started again, so at least that is progress. I might just have to find a proper time to go on monday or tuesday where i feel more comfortable. I really want to go early in the morning, but that plan can get easily overruled if i do not get out of bed in time, which is why going on Friday evening is so easy.

I also have to find a good time to do my stretches, because i am not doing them. It really effs up my legs. The other day i put on a movie to stretch to and instead of stretching i just sat there like a drooling dog and watched the movie and i did nothing lol.

In bad news... my upstairs neighbors are back home it seems. They were on vacation for like 2 weeks. Yesterday they were back and the first thing they did was open the window and listen to loud tv all night. I had to close my backdoor, which i like to keep open during Summer. Then today they were talking really loud with the window open of course and walking loudly through their house and i left my house for a bit for an appointment and when i came back my whole house smelled like the devil's lettuce. Very cool. I think i am mildly allergic to it cause every time that happens my throat closes up, i get a weird taste in my mouth, and i get a headache.

I swear, if they are going to ruin my progress at the gym i am literally going to the unspeakable things to them. I think i will just see red and just lose control of myself. The anger these people invoke in me is unsustainable. And it will come out one day. And i won't be in control of it.

Lost weight

I was at the gym at 8pm and i swear there are always different people even tho i go at the same time?! The HIIT people were already cleaning up when i got there so i missed out, unfortunately.

• Adductor 1x15 40kg, 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x12 (45kg)
• Leg curls 1x10 (30kg), 2x8 (32.5kg), 1x8 (35kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 1x12 (60kg) 3x12 (70kg)
• Abductor 2x12 45kg, 1x12 47.5kg, 1x10 50kg
• Leg extension 3x8 (40kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

I felt a bit shaky today, probably cause i haven't been eating very well (skipping meals etc.). I realized i've lost some weight. I don't know why i feel less hungry ever since i started working out again. Weird. I also felt out of breath after the leg press for some reason lol. And i did 40kg leg extensions cause all the 5s were gone. It felt fine tho. I could easily do 8 reps but the cramps aaaa.

Anxiety issues & neighbors

[I forgot when i wrote this cause i didn't check the date before opening it, but i am going to assume it was in the days before the neighbors came home, i never posted this but i want it to be on my blog so i will publish it under a random date where i feel like i wrote it]

I was re-reading my blog last night and realized how much i was struggling with going to the gym. I think a lot of it was because of outside factors. Like before, my upstairs neighbors were annoying when they had a kid. Then my best friend moved in and that was just a disaster. Then i got new upstairs neighbors and they made my life hell (im not sure if i wrote about that here), but now that the renting org got involved they are quiet (well, actually, they seem to be on vacation) and now i go to the gym more often.

I think most of my anxiety, purely by observation, is based on external stimuli. And possibly also, whether i can clear my head at home or not. When you constantly have sounds in your home, or people that you have to keep in mind, you can't really live. Because of that i think i could never really let go of all the stressors around me, which meant that my anxiety levels never really went down. I remember explaining something similar to my previous psychologist; and i told him that i could never lower my anxiety, because my base anxiety levels are already higher than the average person. So i need to make my base anxiety lower, but i didn't know how. He didn't either.

I never really connected my base anxiety to be so high cause of all the shit going on around me. It was really bad. I did think obviously that it had an effect on me, but not this badly. I kept beating myself up about not being able to wake up early, not going to bed earlier, not being able to clean my house etc. but now that there is quiet in my home, i can do so many things again! And it just goes easily. I don't have to force anything. I don't get panic attacks when i have to do it; i just do it. Even going to sleep i used to constantly have anxiety "oh no, what if the neighbors are going to wake me up again". But now? I just go to bed whenever i want and i sleep.

I read some of the previous reports psychologists and social workers made on me, and everyone mentioned my neighbors, but no one crossed it off as high on their priority list of things that are fucking me up. Just like "it annoys her". It is actually crazy when no one takes you seriously. When i reported my upstairs neighbors to my renting org i attached audio files that i made to the report and i actually boosted the audio so it sounded really loud. I mean, it was really loud in real life, but i made it louder and also edited other noise out so it sounded clearer, since the audio didn't sound too good anyways. It's funny cause i could literally report everyone in the neighborhood like that LOL. What if my upstairs neighbors were actually not that bad and i was just a Karen? And i boosted the audio to make it seem worse than it was? Pretty funny. The average person is so tech illiterate that they cannot even phantom a person EDITING something lol. 

So yeah, the reason why i am making this post is literally to remind myself that if things are bad; it is most probably cause of external stimuli i have no control over. It is not me as a person. I constantly thought that i was the problem. That i wasn't trying hard enough or whatever. But it wasn't me. It never was. It was all the external factors. And now that they are gone, i am better. I wonder if i had a personal trainer now if i would be at the gym on time. If i would train harder. Do better. Eat better etc. I am sure i would. But now i can't get the funding for one. Blegh.

100kg leg extension?!

I was at the gym at 19.50. It seemed like no one was doing legs except for one guy. 

• Adductor 1x15 (37.5kg), 1x15 40kg, 2x12 (42.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (27.5 kg), 1x10 (30kg), 1x8 (32.5kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 1x12 (60kg) 3x10 (70kg)
• Abductor 2x12 45kg, 1x12 47.5kg
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

And of course when i wanted to do the leg curl there was an old man hogging it with his towel. He went to the bathroom for like 20 minutes and just as i wanted to go to the leg curl he came back... He then seemed to leave the leg curl just as i finished my last adductor rep and when i got at the machine he left the whole curl chair sweaty. Grossss

The weird workout people outside (apparently they are doing HIITT) have a stand-in instructor and there's only 3 people: the woman with the kid, lesbian young woman, and fat guy

In the gym atm there are so many zoomers. I believe the huge guy i saw the other day walked in at around 8.35 but im not sure if it really was him. I skipped the leg extension cause there was a young zoomer doing like over 100kg of leg extension. So i was just like "Ye omg I'm going home". I wanted to talk to him and ask how long it took him to get to that weight, but i chickened out.

Monday Leg day

This weekend i had DOMs. They weren't too bad, but i felt them. Mainly in my quads, hamstrings, and glutes. I suppose that's good! I also found out that i have a plum tree growing in my yard! Super cool!!!

I wanted to go a bit earlier today. I actually wanted to go at around 11AM, but i had some stuff to do and got distracted. So i opted for 03.45PM.

• Adductor 1x15 (35kg), 2x12 (37.5kg), 1x12 40kg
• Leg curls 1x12 (27.5 kg), 2x8 (30kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 3x12 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 47.5kg, 2x12 45kg
• RDL 3x10 (14kg)

The gross foot man was there again, but i think they forced him (probably) to wear sneakers. His gross sandals were at the coat racks. Anyways, i forgot to stretch, but i always do my little cardio warmup. I just for some reason never write that down here. It was a little busy; i can definitely go at quieter times. However, it started to clear out a little at 4, and then significantly at around 4.15.

When i went to my first machine there was a huge guy in his 40s or so at the free weights. His arms were insane. When i wanted to check him later, he was gone :(

I did an extra set on the adductor machine, cause people were at the leg curl. At the leg curl i went higher in weight, cause i wanted to do less reps, cause my right leg was being weird again. I skipped the leg extension. I was sweating and hungry. I did do the RDL at home.  

Sweaty gym day

Today is gym day again. It is hotter today than it was on other days, but not too bad. Tomorrow it will apparently be even hotter, but that's okay cause it will be weekend.

I wanna try some higher weights on some machines and see how that will go, since i didn't go this monday my muscles had extra time to relax, which might help. I was checking how much i used to do on the leg curl and i used to be able to do 40kg. That made me physically cringe... cause compared to now im so weak!!! But also when i check my overall stats, i am pretty close to where i was for a long time (especially when i stopped training with PT). Only when i started to get actually stronger i started hitting more max numbers. I think i'm about 12.5kg away from hitting the max on all of them. I think it should be doable to get back to that if i keep going like this EASILY by the end of the year. Keep in mind that i also want to start doing stuff at home again, which will only maximize my gains (i hope).

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (32.5kg), 1x15 (35kg), 1x12 (37.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 2x12 (27.5 kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 3x12 (60kg), (feet mid) 1x12 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (45kg), 2x12 47.5kg
• Leg extension 1x8 (37.5kg), 3x8 (40kg 1x20 2x10)

I think i will run this basic program one more time next week and then start getting more into the focused program where i will have the glute > quad > full leg day. And then hopefully also do cardio and core, but that will come later.

Today there were a lot of young zoomer men in the gym. They were really loud and annoying, but since they were in groups and because they are boys/men, they were only doing core and arms, so they weren't hogging the machines that i wanted to use. I wanted to go higher on the leg press today, but i was struggling. I was also very sweaty today, so i just skipped it for now.

I also finally felt some actually fatigue in my legs when i left the gym, which meant that i worked out hard, which is good. I forgot to do the RDL though, so i did that later in the evening (oops). Hope that doesn't matter, but i guess not.

Before i left for the gym, and i was dressing up at home i realized how jiggly my thighs are again. When i was more "muscular" my thighs could still jiggle but they were soooo firm as well. Now they just jiggle. It's at least a good indicator to see whether my legs are growing or not i guess.

Since i don't have a lot to worry about next week (unless another heatwave hits us) i might try and do some stuff on Wednesday as well; at least the bulgarian split squat.