Getting back to it

Okay so last week after i did my stuff, my friend came by and stayed for almost the whole week which was honestly pretty bad for me, but also a little bit good. We got some yard work in which was nice, and we got pretty far. But i am behind now on my actual work, which is not good. My sleeping schedule is fucked, because often we would hang out the whole day and evening, and then he would sleep and i would work until the early morning. Not recommended tbh. I forced myself today to wake up at 10 AM and now i feel horrible, but i just have to go through it i guess.

I already can tell i've been losing weight over the course of the last 1-2 weeks cause my pants are not as tight anymore. I think this is because i have been focusing more on protein again and i am counting my calories which is good! I actually started to count calories again even before last week, so obviously that is working out for me yay!

Because i feel so shit today, i will only force myself to stretch, and maybe do like a short core routine. Tomorrow i want to try and go to the gym. I have an appointment anyways in the afternoon, so if i can go before the appointment; that would be great! Otherwise i will have to do it at home: no excuses.

I am kind of annoyed that i had such a good start tho and then it kinda got ruined because my friend decided to stay over the whole week, ugh. I need to learn to say no or go away i guess. I tried at one point to work-out with him, but i slept so shittily the whole time that i literally couldn't move my body much, and the yard seemed like a better option.

But hey, gonna get back into it again. And even though i feel like absolute shit today, i will do SOMETHING. This is what i want to focus on: something.

Besides that, i have to finish one of my videos this week. I actually had to get it at the beginning of this month and i still don't have it done, so that sucks. I also have to get my house in better shape cause i have an important appointment coming up soon and it will be at my house, so i can go in cleaning mode i guess. And i have to get through my laundry. It is honestly just mainly my whole sock collection, but it is just such a pain to wash them and then to have to individually dry them since i don't have a dryer. I have two of those octopuses from the IKEA that are honestly great, but it is still such a pain to go through that lol. But the weather has been nice so i can at least hang it out to dry outside. So i should honestly just get on it.

I also am thinking about getting a separate storage closet type of thing for all my gym clothes. I don't know where i want to put it yet or what i want it to look like, but i think it will help me out with keeping things sorted, so i might have to check out the website or Pinterest for inspiration. Ah, i will never be bored!

WE'RE BACK!!!

Today i wanted to go to the gym. Kind of like any other day. Actually, last week on Friday i wanted to go to the gym, but my period was 1 week early and it was pretty heavy, so i decided not to go. Today i also wanted to go as i said, but i apparently had a meeting in the morning i forgot about and then i couldn't focus all my brain power anymore on going to the gym. But i am sick and tired of making excuses, cause let's be honest, anxiety or not, that's all they are. Excuses. Me not going for whatever reason is literally just an excuse to not go. So i got rid of the "i have to go to the gym" part and i just worked out at home. I didn't do anything too extensive. I did try to push the weights somewhat cause i do want to feel a burn, so i did that.

On Thursday (or else Friday) i want to try and go to the gym again. If i again just feel too anxious i will just turn off my brain and work out at home. Cause normally i will just sit around and go like "why am i not going to the gym" and blablabla, instead i can just say "okay, no gym, but still working out!" and then i just do weight stuff at home. It's better than nothing.

One of the reasons i feel so motivated is for a plethora of things but one of the main things is that i am losing the cushion i had on my butt. It was so nice to sit, and now i start to feel bones and stuff again. I think it is bones at least idk? But yeah, i want the fluff back. I also miss when my thighs were thicker and felt stronger. Idk overall my body just felt nicer and i miss it a lot. So i try to keep this feeling in my mind and i try to override the anxiety.

Anyways, enough rambling! This is what i did today. Let's continue this streak! :)

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x8>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 3x12 (10kg)
• Goblin squat 1x8>10>12 (7.5kg)
• (later) 20 minute post-stretch 

The hip thrust and RDL were with the barbell and the goblin squat was with my 7.5kg dumbbell. I also have to keep my protein which i will do on that website. I did some light stretching after my workouts and walked the dog. I will do some more proper stretching later (before bed).

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be core and upper body!

Some changes per April 2026

• my hair is now a white blonde
• still using Finch but i have to reorganize all my tasks
• using/playing an app called Love & Deepspace lol (my fav are Zayne and Caleb)
• 3 cats are now part-timely in my possession (long story)
• got a job coach to help me with getting my own Youtube channel going again
• i am now an official editor for a Youtuber i have been watching since Youtube became a thing basically
• still struggling with anxiety/agoraphobia which makes the gym difficult
• trying to get my yard together + building my own fence!!! (update soon i hope)

Day 7/25

I was depleted of energy again last night, even though i ended up going to bed later (at like 3 or 4). I did end up getting up at 10am, which was pretty cool. Unfortunately, i spend the rest of the day in a semi-anxiety attack about going to the gym. So that wasn't nice. I was fully dressed and all that, but no bueno. I did end up stretching for a good 30 minutes or so, and i might stretch again tonight. I am writing now because i want to do upper body instead of lower and try to go to the gym again tomorrow. And then change my leg day from Saturday to Sunday perhaps. Or maybe try and go to the gym again on Monday. I did realize when i was biking yesterday, and also today with stretching, that i get lactic acid again in my quads only. I still don't know why that happens, but that's why it is important that i do cardio and i stretch i think.

So i was thinking to take my dog on a late night walk a bit earlier today, so that i can come back, stretch, put in a hair mask, and then do upper body.

If i then still feel awake enough i will do some work, cause i am working on some PR material (flyers, posters, mainly) and i'm kinda running behind. Otherwise i will just try and go to sleep so i can get up earlier again tomorrow. I kinda wanna keep that going now tbh.

Today i did:

• stretching 20-30 mins
• more stretching 20-30 mins

Day 6/25

Omg. Yesterday i was so tired. I haven't had that in a while. I wanted to go to bed early regardless, and wanted to work-out and walk the dog before i went to bed, but i literally felt exhausted. I haven't felt that way in a while. So i was in bed somewhere before 1AM, which is super early for me lol. I couldn't even go on my phone. I just pulled my dog against me for warmth and i was knocked out. I briefly woke up at night, but i forced myself to fall asleep again. I also took magnesium, so i guess that helped too. I woke up at like 8.30pm - which was an hour and a half before my alarm was gonna go off. Pretty swell. I took the dog for a long walk and i was also on time at my group. Afterwards i went to my grandparents as i wrote yesterday.

The bike ride to my grandparents was HELL. I took my bike that has a smaller cog, because it is a city bike meant for short commutes, but i had the wind against me. So that wasn't a very fun bike ride. My quads were on fire. But hey, at least i did something active. It felt good. Depending on the weather, i might do it again some time next week.

But yeah, yesterday i didn't do my work-out. It is now nearing 12 at night, and i am pretty beat up, but i think i will at least do some stretching to prepare for tomorrow (legs @ gym) and do my core. If i still feel like it i might even throw in the upper body day i had planned for yesterday, and otherwise i will walk my dog, unless i feel too tired and then i will just KO in bed lol.

Today i:

• biked 10km

Day 5/25

So this "series" isn't going too well lol. I keep sleeping in. I did it again today. I wonder if it is the cold? Cause it is pretty cold the last few days. I was thinking to go to my grandparents today, but then i figured i could go tomorrow after my group perhaps, since i'm outside then already anyways. I just need to go to bed early tonight, so i can get up early enough to take the dog for a walk, since i'll be gone all afternoon.

Because i skipped my upper body yesterday, and i had nothing planned for today, i will do my upper body today. I just have to figure out what i want to do. I have also decided i'll do a juice/fluid fast for like two or three days one of these days, cause i feel so bloated. Going to my grandparents will be nice cause it is additional cardio (cause i will bike). It just sucks that it is so cold.

Day 4/25

Last night my friend and his friend came back to my place and we hung out. His friend stayed till like 2AM. It was fun, i guess. But because it was so late my friend asked if he could sleep over. And i was like "sure, but only if you drive me to the store tomorrow." So then today he woke up and he worked more on his truck, and i slept in a bit more. Once i got up we went to the store and then i made us dinner. I was very tired, so i decided to not work-out. I'm kinda bummed that didn't happen, but whatever. Gonna try and get up earlier tomorrow again so maybe i'll go to bed earlier tonight.

Day 3/25

I was very annoyed with myself today that i didn't clean the bathroom yesterday nor did i do leg day, but i took a bigger dose of my ADHD medication today and i managed to clean the whole bathroom and i felt pretty accomplished. I have been neglecting my bathroom for quite some time. I would clean my toilet of course, cause i can't stand a dirty toilet, but otherwise the bathroom was neglected. The only thing i have to do is clean the wall tiles, cause they have been getting pretty bad, and also the filter, but i'll do that some other time. 

I also cheated a bit yesterday with food. I didn't eat very high protein cause i had left-over sauce from the day before and i ate some cookies. So i hope to do better today, although i do not know yet what i want to eat. I will probably go to the store later, though.

Day 2/25

I woke up late again. Surprise! And then the rest of the day i just stared at the wall basically and i did not do leg day at home either nor did i clean. I think i was overwhelmed with tomorrow. However, i did walk the dog and i did run. I think in total i ran like 10-15 minutes. I didn't really keep time. I would just run until a certain spot and then i would walk back to my dog. I would then start running again after i'd catch my breath, but wasn't entirely rested either. This worked pretty well! 

Also, i have DOMs in my abdominal area so i guess what i did yesterday worked.

Day 1/25

Of course i fucked stuff up with my alarm and i just snoozed it 3 times and i slept in hard. But then again, i fell asleep pretty late as well. Today i was supposed to go to the gym for my leg day, but because i woke up later than i wanted, all my motivation drained and i hated myself. Whoops. So i will just switch it up (i already changed it in the previous post). I will keep all the days the same, except for the starting days. So today i will do core, tomorrow legs at the gym, and on Saturday i will do upper body. I think that that is a pretty decent schedule, and then on Sunday i will still do my legs at home to keep the schedule going. I just have to make sure that when i set my phone alarm that i put my phone far away from my bed. 

The problem is just that i am sleeping like absolute crap the last few weeks, mainly because of my upstairs neighbors. A few times i wasn't able to sleep until 7 in the morning. It feels like torture, but at the same time i don't want them to dictate my life anymore, and i really want to succeed with this. So i am going to try really hard to go to sleep on time tonight and wake up at a reasonable time also.

I also checked the gym and how crowded it will be and it showed that Thursday is basically the least busiest time until like 5-6pm. So now i hate myself even more cause i could've easily gone still. Tomorrow it shows that it is busy all day. This is how i have to repay for my sin of snoozing the alarm.

I also have to go to the store to get all my groceries to start eating more decently and protein dense, but i am ok with doing that somewhere this weekend. I am in no rush.

So today i did:

• 30 seconds Decline front plank 
• 1x12 Crunch with leg raise
• 1x8 Long arm crunch
• 1x15 Dead bug (no arms)  
• 1x12 Dumbbell side bend
• 1x12 Seated barbell twist (4kg)
• 1x20 Bicycle crunch 
• 1x12 Weighted Russian twist 

I just went to the weight training guide website and clicked on core and selected some exercises that i wanted to do. I took about 30-90 second breaks based on feel. I think i finished it in about 15 minutes. I had two longer breaks because i got distracted, so in total it actually took me like 30+ minutes lol.

Brainstorm + schedule

I'm brainstorming right now what to do for food. I am thinking never to eat over 1,200 calories, since this will be for fat loss, so i have to be in a calorie deficit. And then a minimum of 60 grams of protein, but preferably a minimum of 80. 

I checked some of my old food diaries and on the days where i get around 1,200 calories and 100g+ protein i eat oatmeal with protein powder, protein snacks (protein chips/bars etc.), and pasta with seitan. Especially the seitan is only like 164 calories and 30g of protein. Compared to tofu minced meat with 178 calories and 19g of protein. So i think i need to invest in seitan.

Next to that, i was thinking to maybe, at the start of my day, make a protein shake made out of espresso powder + protein powder + cacao powder. It will be less calories than oatmeal, cause the oatmeal is like 166 calories and only gives 11g protein. The protein isn't even my problem in that equation, it is more the calories VS protein problem that i have.

And then i have the protein yogurt i sometimes eat, which is like 56 calories and 9.4g of protein per 100 grams. So i could eat more of that cause the calorie-protein ratio is amazing.

I just need to go to the store and stock up on those products lol. I'm checking online now too to see if i can get some good deals.

And then now for working out... i checked some of my old posts and saw the Will video i posted where he did leg day every 2 days (48 hours). So i will adopt that too. If a day falls in the weekend i will do a leg day at home, if it falls on a weekday i will do my leg day in the gym. Then i want to do upper body as well, at home, and then core days. And then i will run whenever i walk the dog at night. So it will look like this (starting tomorrow): 

Leg day
Fri→ Sun (1) → Wed → Sat (2) → Tue → Fri (3) → Mon → Thu → Sun (4)

Upper body
Sat (1) → Thu (2) → Wed (3) → Tue (4)

Core
Thu (1) → Tue → Fri (2)→ Mon → Thu → Sun (3) → Wed → Sat (4)

I just have to lock in super hard for a month. I know i can do this. And i hope that once i get the ball rolling i can keep going. Aaaaaaaaaaa. I at least want to keep going with the leg days, everything else can die a quiet death for all i care. I need my booty back and i miss my thicker thighs.