A little break!

No gym today. I am so, so tired. I got my period and if i had nothing else to do today i might've hit the gym, but there is a lady coming tomorrow for my yard and my house is a mess. I need to clean it up. I already did some stuff last week and this weekend, but of course i can't do anything properly until the ADHD stress kicks in. It is going pretty well so far. I am cleaning for like 15 minutes and then take a small break. My ovaries are just killing me and my head hurts. And my head never hurts. Now that i typed that out i will refill my water bottle brb.

The weather has become way more pleasant the last week or so and i hope it stays that way. I was thinking to keep Monday and Friday for the gym and then if i feel like it i do stuff on Wednesday at home. I want to start small and then work my way up. I also really want to work on my cardio again. Sometimes when i walk with the dog i will start running with her, and she likes to go to the field behind my house where she runs around and i often run with her. I do realize my stamina is way better than it used to be when i was younger so i guess that is a pro.

I also ordered my new speakers last week. So that is sorted out too! Now all i need is a new water bottle cause my lid is broken :( (cause i keep dropping it lol). I can still take it to the gym luckily, but i can't put it in my bag cause when it goes sideways it starts leaking.

I also keep forgetting about doing the daily squats so that is totally off the table cause i obviously can't keep myself to it. I also haven't done any ab days. Once my period is over i do want to introduce them. I think it will all also be easier once my house is cleaned up. I will feel like i can breathe again and move around without having to fall over stuff lol.

I will stretch later tonight. When i woke up my legs felt weird and i don't want to get the weird muscle pulls again, so stretching is a must. When i went to the gym last week i stretched in my room (cause i have space again) and that's really nice. Now i can pick where i want to do it, whereas before i was kind of tied to my living room.

I'm excited for the appointment tomorrow about my yard, but not excited about whether i can clean up my mess or not aaaa stress!

Speakers

I didn't go to the gym yesterday 'cause i had two appointments in the afternoon. I wanted to go later, but when i got home i was SO TIRED. Even though i slept well that night. I then remembered that i always randomly got tired once i started working out. So i guess that is coming back lol. Need to keep an eye on my vitamins and stuff! I have been slacking with that lately and because i don't watch my diet that much right now it is definitely important to do so.

I was thinking about going today instead of tomorrow, but i feel like that will ef up my flow. If my brain knows mon>wed>fri then it will be better i think. So i will just go tomorrow.

I haven't been stretching at all tho, and i can really feel it in my legs. My speakers in the living room are broken, and that's where i stretch so i constantly feel like not stretching cause i can't watch anything or listen to movie. I mean... i can on my phone, but it's not the same is it. So it's difficult to get motivation for that. I guess today i will order some new speakers.

Gymgymgym

 Went to the gym today! I don't know why i feel more motivated and less anxious lately. I do think i have to get my period so usually the week before i have less anxiety lol. I at first almost didn't go cause every time when i wanted to leave something else happened; my shirt had a stain, my phone wasn't charged etc. but i made it! Also when i was leaving my cat neighbor (i'll call him that) (it's the neighbor who also takes care of the cats in the neighborhood) was outside so i talked to him about the cats for some time, and then i left to the gym. I was there around 04.40PM or something and it was a little bit crowded. 

There were a lot of women in the gym all doing leg day (of course). So that was kind of annoying. Have to probably go a bit earlier next time on a Monday. Just have to find the sweet spot.

• Abductor 1x12 (42.5kg), 2x10 (45kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 2x10 (25kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 1x12 (50kg) 3x12 (60kg)
• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (32.5kg), 1x10 (35kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

Because most machines were hogged the order of things were a bit chaotic. I wanted to do the leg press, but there were so many men at the weight section (where the leg press is faced towards) that it felt a bit overwhelming so i just decided to go home and do RDLs.

There was also a girl in the gym who did the stairmaster after her workouts and i was like "you can do the stairmaster after your workouts???" means you aren't training hard enough!!! 

I was also sweating a lot today, which is weird cause the temps went down but i was really sweaty. Might be because i ate unhealthily this weekend lol. 

Leg curl felt like a good stretch but had to go down in reps after the first batch cause oof. The weight wasn't too high, it was just right. I could've probably gone a bit higher but the workout itself is just so hard on my legs lol. The leg press felt too easy on 50kg so i went to 60kg. I could've probably easily gone to 70kg but i will keep that for another. At one point i felt it really in my glutes (i put my feet in the middle of the platform). My addies did hurt a lot again and still when i did the adductor. But it's already better vs last week!

Cooled down. Thanks Storm!

Yesterday i wanted to do some core exercises, but my day was a bit weird. I went to the store later in the evening and then we got a crazy ass storm with heavy winds, and insane lightning (i made a video i might post it). Apparently they even warned for a hurricane! That like... doesn't happen here? Lol. My fence almost blew over. I think it is standing crookedly now, but i don't want to assess the damage just yet lol.

I wanted to also do core exercises yesterday, but it was so hot i was like whatever. Luckily it cooled down a lot today, so i might do it tonight. NO. I WILL do it tonight! 

I also said (i believe) i wanted to do daily squats and totally forgot about them yesterday, so oops. My addies still hurt btw.

Today i did 13 squats.

Heatwave Friday

The last time i went to the gym was on a Friday as well and from my notes i went at around 02.40PM and it started to become less crowded around 03.15PM. So today i planned to go around 03.15PM. 

I ended up going at 03.30PM. There were again not many people, mainly men. And everyone was old. But not like elderly. At one point there was a man and i realized he had flipflops on and later on he was next to me doing leg extensions and i saw his crusty feet and toenails and it was so gross!!! I don't understand how he didn't get kicked out of the gym. Later on i saw him praying?! So strange. I live in a white small farmer town and we have one living facility for eastern Europeans who come to work here and then there are some refugee centers scattered around. I'm going to assume he was from the refuge center.

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 3x12 (32.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 1x10 (27.5kg), 1x12 (25kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 3x12 (50kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (35kg), 1x12 (40kg), 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x10 (45kg)
• Leg extension 3x8 (35kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

My addies really hurt today. When i went on the adductor machine i had to put the machine on a lower number (7) so i barely had ROM, but after that i could put it back on 6. I usually have it on 5 i believe. I didn't try to push myself too hard today. I just wanted to get it done. On the leg curls i could do 27.5kg, but my leg felt a bit weird (like i was gonna pull a muscle), so i quickly went back to 25kg. At home i did RDLs. I first wanted to do 14kg, but again, don't want to push myself, so i went to 10kg. 

The gym was overall really quiet as i said, it was the same in May so Friday afternoons are a good time to go! I now wonder what Friday evenings are like.

Melting Core

Last night the upstairs neighbors kept me up until 5AM and then woke me up at 11AM. I want to say things, but i don't want to be on a certain watchlist so i will just keep quiet :) I did walk the dog at night and it was still so hot outside :( I aired everything out all night/morning, and keeping everything closed right now, so it is a bit cooler in my apartment. But the sun will come at the end of the afternoon so we'll see how it will be then... hopefully not horrible.

Today the DOMs aren't too bad, probably cause i skipped the RDLs. Oops. I did make an overview of the workouts i want to do on Mon/Wed/Fri. I made a long version and a short one: in case i don't have energy, i didn't sleep well etc. It's like a glute>quad>full leg day. But i will first do a kind of "intro" month, where i just do some boring stuff to just get back into things and i don't have to overthink anything. The workouts are basically only the leg press, RDLs, leg extension & curl and adductor/abductor machine. So fairly simple. And then do daily squats as well, to wake up those muscles and to not eff myself up.

And then on Tue/Thu i want to do core exercises, maybe even do some upper body exercises. But i will first start with just core and see how that goes.

• 1x8 Long arm crunch
• 1x12 Tuck up crunch
• 1x20 Bicycle crunch 
• 1x12 Weighted Russian twist 
• 1x12 Dumbbell side bend
• 1x12 Seated barbell twist (4kg)

Today i did 10 squats!

Super Summer Heat

Wewwww it's super summer heat, and i decided to go to the gym in the evening for once! I have been going to the gym maybe every two-four weeks, since the last time i wrote here. I also sometimes try to work-out at home, but no matter what i do i can't get back in the flow. I felt inspired the other day cause i found out about soy crisps and how much protein they have + soy bits and i got excited again about eating high protein.

But eating high protein doesn't matter if i don't work-out as well, so i've been dabbling with working out ever since. Last week i finally decided to order the soy crisps + bits so this week i really wanted to start going to the gym again. My idea is to just do legs Mon/Wed/Fri. I didn't do it this Monday cause i had some stuff coming up, but i did it today! I'm so proud of myself.

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x12 (32.5kg), 1x12 (35kg), 1x12 (37.5kg)
• Sitting leg press 1x15 (30kg), 2x12 (50kg),  2x10 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (35kg), 1x12 (40kg), 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x10 (45kg)

The crowd in the gym was more or less the same in the evening as when i usually go, except people don't really leave. Normally in the afternoon people come and go, which sometimes means you are in the gym with only 2 people, but in the evening everyone hovers and stays for some reason. I went around 8.30PM and left an hour later and the same people were in the gym the whole time. So i do think going in the afternoon is better, although i have heard a worker there say that on Thu/Fri evening there's almost no one there. Maybe i'll try that out this week as well. I do think i prefer the late mornings and early afternoons tho.

The reason i decided to go in the evening is because i wanted to go, but my upstairs neighbors keep me up all night. So i usually wake up around 1-2PM. Then i gotta wake up etc. and by then it is so warm outside that i don't really want to do anything. And right now i am just trying to focus on the fact that i did go. And that's the most important! Eating right now is a little bit whatever for me because of the heat. I usually don't feel very hungry and maybe eat one meal a day and the rest is liquid calories, which could be worse.

I also didn't do too much at the gym cause most machines were taken constantly and i wasn't in the mood to wait. But again... progress is progress. And once i gain my strength back i probably feel more comfortable kicking people off the gym equipment (hehe joking... unless). Then at home i wanted to do some RDLs but it was so hot inside of my apartment, i just opted out. Maybe next time!

Sick!

So, ever since my friend left i feel really nauseated and my stomach hurts. I thought it was because i forced myself to wake up early that i felt so horrible, but no, it is definitely something else. On Tuesday morning (yesterday) i woke up at 8AM and i threw up. I then spend the rest of the day in bed sleeping. When i got up i checked out my stomach in the mirror and it was fully bloated. I am afraid now that i have a vitamin D deficiency again. I swear, this happens every time when summer comes along? Why??? I have been walking my dog almost every day during the day when the sun is out + i was in the yard a lot with my friend... my body wasn't made for sunny weather or something lol.

Anyways, i am now taking 2 tablets of vitamin D in the morning and then 1 in the evening and i hope that my bloated stomach will go away soon. I am not hungry at all, which is annoying. I also keep burping which is disgusting, honestly.

I still want to work-out, and i might just do it. I know it's Wednesday... but then i can work-out again at home on Saturday. The sucky thing is that on Monday it is a national holiday here so i will probably go out with friends. The gym will be closed. So then i will have to see if i can go on Tuesday... ahhhhh. I hate all these appointments and holidays. Please make them stop!!!

I did push through and ended up working out:

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x10>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 1x12 (10kg) 2x12 (14kg)
• Goblin squat 3x12 (7.5kg)

It went pretty well. The weights still kind of feel light. Especially the RDL bummed me out so i upped the weight. I hate doing the goblin squat so i might do daily squats again and then move on to doing back squats as i used to do. It's crazy to k now that i can do 14kg RDLs with ease!!! Even though i haven't worked out that hard in the last few months. It's crazy how much a body can hold on to strength. Good to see tho!

Getting back to it

Okay so last week after i did my stuff, my friend came by and stayed for almost the whole week which was honestly pretty bad for me, but also a little bit good. We got some yard work in which was nice, and we got pretty far. But i am behind now on my actual work, which is not good. My sleeping schedule is fucked, because often we would hang out the whole day and evening, and then he would sleep and i would work until the early morning. Not recommended tbh. I forced myself today to wake up at 10 AM and now i feel horrible, but i just have to go through it i guess.

I already can tell i've been losing weight over the course of the last 1-2 weeks cause my pants are not as tight anymore. I think this is because i have been focusing more on protein again and i am counting my calories which is good! I actually started to count calories again even before last week, so obviously that is working out for me yay!

Because i feel so shit today, i will only force myself to stretch, and maybe do like a short core routine. Tomorrow i want to try and go to the gym. I have an appointment anyways in the afternoon, so if i can go before the appointment; that would be great! Otherwise i will have to do it at home: no excuses.

I am kind of annoyed that i had such a good start tho and then it kinda got ruined because my friend decided to stay over the whole week, ugh. I need to learn to say no or go away i guess. I tried at one point to work-out with him, but i slept so shittily the whole time that i literally couldn't move my body much, and the yard seemed like a better option.

But hey, gonna get back into it again. And even though i feel like absolute shit today, i will do SOMETHING. This is what i want to focus on: something.

Besides that, i have to finish one of my videos this week. I actually had to get it at the beginning of this month and i still don't have it done, so that sucks. I also have to get my house in better shape cause i have an important appointment coming up soon and it will be at my house, so i can go in cleaning mode i guess. And i have to get through my laundry. It is honestly just mainly my whole sock collection, but it is just such a pain to wash them and then to have to individually dry them since i don't have a dryer. I have two of those octopuses from the IKEA that are honestly great, but it is still such a pain to go through that lol. But the weather has been nice so i can at least hang it out to dry outside. So i should honestly just get on it.

I also am thinking about getting a separate storage closet type of thing for all my gym clothes. I don't know where i want to put it yet or what i want it to look like, but i think it will help me out with keeping things sorted, so i might have to check out the website or Pinterest for inspiration. Ah, i will never be bored!

WE'RE BACK!!!

Today i wanted to go to the gym. Kind of like any other day. Actually, last week on Friday i wanted to go to the gym, but my period was 1 week early and it was pretty heavy, so i decided not to go. Today i also wanted to go as i said, but i apparently had a meeting in the morning i forgot about and then i couldn't focus all my brain power anymore on going to the gym. But i am sick and tired of making excuses, cause let's be honest, anxiety or not, that's all they are. Excuses. Me not going for whatever reason is literally just an excuse to not go. So i got rid of the "i have to go to the gym" part and i just worked out at home. I didn't do anything too extensive. I did try to push the weights somewhat cause i do want to feel a burn, so i did that.

On Thursday (or else Friday) i want to try and go to the gym again. If i again just feel too anxious i will just turn off my brain and work out at home. Cause normally i will just sit around and go like "why am i not going to the gym" and blablabla, instead i can just say "okay, no gym, but still working out!" and then i just do weight stuff at home. It's better than nothing.

One of the reasons i feel so motivated is for a plethora of things but one of the main things is that i am losing the cushion i had on my butt. It was so nice to sit, and now i start to feel bones and stuff again. I think it is bones at least idk? But yeah, i want the fluff back. I also miss when my thighs were thicker and felt stronger. Idk overall my body just felt nicer and i miss it a lot. So i try to keep this feeling in my mind and i try to override the anxiety.

Anyways, enough rambling! This is what i did today. Let's continue this streak! :)

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x8>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 3x12 (10kg)
• Goblin squat 1x8>10>12 (7.5kg)
• (later) 20 minute post-stretch 

The hip thrust and RDL were with the barbell and the goblin squat was with my 7.5kg dumbbell. I also have to keep my protein which i will do on that website. I did some light stretching after my workouts and walked the dog. I will do some more proper stretching later (before bed).

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be core and upper body!

Some changes per April 2026

• my hair is now a white blonde
• still using Finch but i have to reorganize all my tasks
• using/playing an app called Love & Deepspace lol (my fav are Zayne and Caleb)
• 3 cats are now part-timely in my possession (long story)
• got a job coach to help me with getting my own Youtube channel going again
• i am now an official editor for a Youtuber i have been watching since Youtube became a thing basically
• still struggling with anxiety/agoraphobia which makes the gym difficult
• trying to get my yard together + building my own fence!!! (update soon i hope)