Leg day at home?!

Yesterday i only slept for 3 hours and last night i only slept for 5-6 hours. I am so, so tired. On top of that i also got my period, which makes me even more tired. I was trying to get ready for the gym and i felt lightheaded. I just didn't feel too good. To lower my anxiety levels i decided to just not go to the gym. However, i will work out at home. I don't know how it is going to go, but i will try. This way i can take longer breaks if i need to and i can sit down without people asking me if i am okay. And i can work-out in shorts!!!

• Bulgarian split squats 7.5kg (4x8)
• RDL 14kg (3x10)
• Barbell hip thrust 14kg (4x10)
• Squats

I think i did pretty decent. I could easily go up with the RDL and the hip thrust was way too low in weight, but i was too lazy to change the weights and also i haven't done hip thrusts in a while so i think going lower weight was probably a better choice. My glutes are still burning so i guess i did something right. After my work-out i walked my dog as post cardio i guess and stretching the legs a little.

At the moment it seems that my upstairs neighbors aren't home again, so i hope it stays this way throughout the weekend so i can go to the gym maybe on Tuesday. That would be nice.

Neighbors are back home kms

So last week and this week i did not go to the gym on Monday. Last week i didn't go cause i woke up pretty late and i had a doozy day, and this week i wanted to go on Tuesday, but then my friend was going to come over to bring me a cable for my new screen and i didn't have time to go and i was really tired in the evening.

These might sound like excuses, but they really aren't. I am annoyed tho cause i could've worked out at home, or at least work out at home on another day, but i didn't do that either. However, i am trying to remain positive because i have been going to the gym every Friday since i started again, so at least that is progress. I might just have to find a proper time to go on monday or tuesday where i feel more comfortable. I really want to go early in the morning, but that plan can get easily overruled if i do not get out of bed in time, which is why going on Friday evening is so easy.

I also have to find a good time to do my stretches, because i am not doing them. It really effs up my legs. The other day i put on a movie to stretch to and instead of stretching i just sat there like a drooling dog and watched the movie and i did nothing lol.

In bad news... my upstairs neighbors are back home it seems. They were on vacation for like 2 weeks. Yesterday they were back and the first thing they did was open the window and listen to loud tv all night. I had to close my backdoor, which i like to keep open during Summer. Then today they were talking really loud with the window open of course and walking loudly through their house and i left my house for a bit for an appointment and when i came back my whole house smelled like the devil's lettuce. Very cool. I think i am mildly allergic to it cause every time that happens my throat closes up, i get a weird taste in my mouth, and i get a headache.

I swear, if they are going to ruin my progress at the gym i am literally going to the unspeakable things to them. I think i will just see red and just lose control of myself. The anger these people invoke in me is unsustainable. And it will come out one day. And i won't be in control of it.

Lost weight

I was at the gym at 8pm and i swear there are always different people even tho i go at the same time?! The HIIT people were already cleaning up when i got there so i missed out, unfortunately.

• Adductor 1x15 40kg, 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x12 (45kg)
• Leg curls 1x10 (30kg), 2x8 (32.5kg), 1x8 (35kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 1x12 (60kg) 3x12 (70kg)
• Abductor 2x12 45kg, 1x12 47.5kg, 1x10 50kg
• Leg extension 3x8 (40kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

I felt a bit shaky today, probably cause i haven't been eating very well (skipping meals etc.). I realized i've lost some weight. I don't know why i feel less hungry ever since i started working out again. Weird. I also felt out of breath after the leg press for some reason lol. And i did 40kg leg extensions cause all the 5s were gone. It felt fine tho. I could easily do 8 reps but the cramps aaaa.

Anxiety issues & neighbors

[I forgot when i wrote this cause i didn't check the date before opening it, but i am going to assume it was in the days before the neighbors came home, i never posted this but i want it to be on my blog so i will publish it under a random date where i feel like i wrote it]

I was re-reading my blog last night and realized how much i was struggling with going to the gym. I think a lot of it was because of outside factors. Like before, my upstairs neighbors were annoying when they had a kid. Then my best friend moved in and that was just a disaster. Then i got new upstairs neighbors and they made my life hell (im not sure if i wrote about that here), but now that the renting org got involved they are quiet (well, actually, they seem to be on vacation) and now i go to the gym more often.

I think most of my anxiety, purely by observation, is based on external stimuli. And possibly also, whether i can clear my head at home or not. When you constantly have sounds in your home, or people that you have to keep in mind, you can't really live. Because of that i think i could never really let go of all the stressors around me, which meant that my anxiety levels never really went down. I remember explaining something similar to my previous psychologist; and i told him that i could never lower my anxiety, because my base anxiety levels are already higher than the average person. So i need to make my base anxiety lower, but i didn't know how. He didn't either.

I never really connected my base anxiety to be so high cause of all the shit going on around me. It was really bad. I did think obviously that it had an effect on me, but not this badly. I kept beating myself up about not being able to wake up early, not going to bed earlier, not being able to clean my house etc. but now that there is quiet in my home, i can do so many things again! And it just goes easily. I don't have to force anything. I don't get panic attacks when i have to do it; i just do it. Even going to sleep i used to constantly have anxiety "oh no, what if the neighbors are going to wake me up again". But now? I just go to bed whenever i want and i sleep.

I read some of the previous reports psychologists and social workers made on me, and everyone mentioned my neighbors, but no one crossed it off as high on their priority list of things that are fucking me up. Just like "it annoys her". It is actually crazy when no one takes you seriously. When i reported my upstairs neighbors to my renting org i attached audio files that i made to the report and i actually boosted the audio so it sounded really loud. I mean, it was really loud in real life, but i made it louder and also edited other noise out so it sounded clearer, since the audio didn't sound too good anyways. It's funny cause i could literally report everyone in the neighborhood like that LOL. What if my upstairs neighbors were actually not that bad and i was just a Karen? And i boosted the audio to make it seem worse than it was? Pretty funny. The average person is so tech illiterate that they cannot even phantom a person EDITING something lol. 

So yeah, the reason why i am making this post is literally to remind myself that if things are bad; it is most probably cause of external stimuli i have no control over. It is not me as a person. I constantly thought that i was the problem. That i wasn't trying hard enough or whatever. But it wasn't me. It never was. It was all the external factors. And now that they are gone, i am better. I wonder if i had a personal trainer now if i would be at the gym on time. If i would train harder. Do better. Eat better etc. I am sure i would. But now i can't get the funding for one. Blegh.

100kg leg extension?!

I was at the gym at 19.50. It seemed like no one was doing legs except for one guy. 

• Adductor 1x15 (37.5kg), 1x15 40kg, 2x12 (42.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (27.5 kg), 1x10 (30kg), 1x8 (32.5kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 1x12 (60kg) 3x10 (70kg)
• Abductor 2x12 45kg, 1x12 47.5kg
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

And of course when i wanted to do the leg curl there was an old man hogging it with his towel. He went to the bathroom for like 20 minutes and just as i wanted to go to the leg curl he came back... He then seemed to leave the leg curl just as i finished my last adductor rep and when i got at the machine he left the whole curl chair sweaty. Grossss

The weird workout people outside (apparently they are doing HIITT) have a stand-in instructor and there's only 3 people: the woman with the kid, lesbian young woman, and fat guy

In the gym atm there are so many zoomers. I believe the huge guy i saw the other day walked in at around 8.35 but im not sure if it really was him. I skipped the leg extension cause there was a young zoomer doing like over 100kg of leg extension. So i was just like "Ye omg I'm going home". I wanted to talk to him and ask how long it took him to get to that weight, but i chickened out.

Monday Leg day

This weekend i had DOMs. They weren't too bad, but i felt them. Mainly in my quads, hamstrings, and glutes. I suppose that's good! I also found out that i have a plum tree growing in my yard! Super cool!!!

I wanted to go a bit earlier today. I actually wanted to go at around 11AM, but i had some stuff to do and got distracted. So i opted for 03.45PM.

• Adductor 1x15 (35kg), 2x12 (37.5kg), 1x12 40kg
• Leg curls 1x12 (27.5 kg), 2x8 (30kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 3x12 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 47.5kg, 2x12 45kg
• RDL 3x10 (14kg)

The gross foot man was there again, but i think they forced him (probably) to wear sneakers. His gross sandals were at the coat racks. Anyways, i forgot to stretch, but i always do my little cardio warmup. I just for some reason never write that down here. It was a little busy; i can definitely go at quieter times. However, it started to clear out a little at 4, and then significantly at around 4.15.

When i went to my first machine there was a huge guy in his 40s or so at the free weights. His arms were insane. When i wanted to check him later, he was gone :(

I did an extra set on the adductor machine, cause people were at the leg curl. At the leg curl i went higher in weight, cause i wanted to do less reps, cause my right leg was being weird again. I skipped the leg extension. I was sweating and hungry. I did do the RDL at home.  

Sweaty gym day

Today is gym day again. It is hotter today than it was on other days, but not too bad. Tomorrow it will apparently be even hotter, but that's okay cause it will be weekend.

I wanna try some higher weights on some machines and see how that will go, since i didn't go this monday my muscles had extra time to relax, which might help. I was checking how much i used to do on the leg curl and i used to be able to do 40kg. That made me physically cringe... cause compared to now im so weak!!! But also when i check my overall stats, i am pretty close to where i was for a long time (especially when i stopped training with PT). Only when i started to get actually stronger i started hitting more max numbers. I think i'm about 12.5kg away from hitting the max on all of them. I think it should be doable to get back to that if i keep going like this EASILY by the end of the year. Keep in mind that i also want to start doing stuff at home again, which will only maximize my gains (i hope).

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (32.5kg), 1x15 (35kg), 1x12 (37.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 2x12 (27.5 kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 3x12 (60kg), (feet mid) 1x12 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (45kg), 2x12 47.5kg
• Leg extension 1x8 (37.5kg), 3x8 (40kg 1x20 2x10)

I think i will run this basic program one more time next week and then start getting more into the focused program where i will have the glute > quad > full leg day. And then hopefully also do cardio and core, but that will come later.

Today there were a lot of young zoomer men in the gym. They were really loud and annoying, but since they were in groups and because they are boys/men, they were only doing core and arms, so they weren't hogging the machines that i wanted to use. I wanted to go higher on the leg press today, but i was struggling. I was also very sweaty today, so i just skipped it for now.

I also finally felt some actually fatigue in my legs when i left the gym, which meant that i worked out hard, which is good. I forgot to do the RDL though, so i did that later in the evening (oops). Hope that doesn't matter, but i guess not.

Before i left for the gym, and i was dressing up at home i realized how jiggly my thighs are again. When i was more "muscular" my thighs could still jiggle but they were soooo firm as well. Now they just jiggle. It's at least a good indicator to see whether my legs are growing or not i guess.

Since i don't have a lot to worry about next week (unless another heatwave hits us) i might try and do some stuff on Wednesday as well; at least the bulgarian split squat.

A little break!

No gym today. I am so, so tired. I got my period and if i had nothing else to do today i might've hit the gym, but there is a lady coming tomorrow for my yard and my house is a mess. I need to clean it up. I already did some stuff last week and this weekend, but of course i can't do anything properly until the ADHD stress kicks in. It is going pretty well so far. I am cleaning for like 15 minutes and then take a small break. My ovaries are just killing me and my head hurts. And my head never hurts. Now that i typed that out i will refill my water bottle brb.

The weather has become way more pleasant the last week or so and i hope it stays that way. I was thinking to keep Monday and Friday for the gym and then if i feel like it i do stuff on Wednesday at home. I want to start small and then work my way up. I also really want to work on my cardio again. Sometimes when i walk with the dog i will start running with her, and she likes to go to the field behind my house where she runs around and i often run with her. I do realize my stamina is way better than it used to be when i was younger so i guess that is a pro.

I also ordered my new speakers last week. So that is sorted out too! Now all i need is a new water bottle cause my lid is broken :( (cause i keep dropping it lol). I can still take it to the gym luckily, but i can't put it in my bag cause when it goes sideways it starts leaking.

I also keep forgetting about doing the daily squats so that is totally off the table cause i obviously can't keep myself to it. I also haven't done any ab days. Once my period is over i do want to introduce them. I think it will all also be easier once my house is cleaned up. I will feel like i can breathe again and move around without having to fall over stuff lol.

I will stretch later tonight. When i woke up my legs felt weird and i don't want to get the weird muscle pulls again, so stretching is a must. When i went to the gym last week i stretched in my room (cause i have space again) and that's really nice. Now i can pick where i want to do it, whereas before i was kind of tied to my living room.

I'm excited for the appointment tomorrow about my yard, but not excited about whether i can clean up my mess or not aaaa stress!

Speakers

I didn't go to the gym yesterday 'cause i had two appointments in the afternoon. I wanted to go later, but when i got home i was SO TIRED. Even though i slept well that night. I then remembered that i always randomly got tired once i started working out. So i guess that is coming back lol. Need to keep an eye on my vitamins and stuff! I have been slacking with that lately and because i don't watch my diet that much right now it is definitely important to do so.

I was thinking about going today instead of tomorrow, but i feel like that will ef up my flow. If my brain knows mon>wed>fri then it will be better i think. So i will just go tomorrow.

I haven't been stretching at all tho, and i can really feel it in my legs. My speakers in the living room are broken, and that's where i stretch so i constantly feel like not stretching cause i can't watch anything or listen to movie. I mean... i can on my phone, but it's not the same is it. So it's difficult to get motivation for that. I guess today i will order some new speakers.

Gymgymgym

 Went to the gym today! I don't know why i feel more motivated and less anxious lately. I do think i have to get my period so usually the week before i have less anxiety lol. I at first almost didn't go cause every time when i wanted to leave something else happened; my shirt had a stain, my phone wasn't charged etc. but i made it! Also when i was leaving my cat neighbor (i'll call him that) (it's the neighbor who also takes care of the cats in the neighborhood) was outside so i talked to him about the cats for some time, and then i left to the gym. I was there around 04.40PM or something and it was a little bit crowded. 

There were a lot of women in the gym all doing leg day (of course). So that was kind of annoying. Have to probably go a bit earlier next time on a Monday. Just have to find the sweet spot.

• Abductor 1x12 (42.5kg), 2x10 (45kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 2x10 (25kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 1x12 (50kg) 3x12 (60kg)
• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (32.5kg), 1x10 (35kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

Because most machines were hogged the order of things were a bit chaotic. I wanted to do the leg press, but there were so many men at the weight section (where the leg press is faced towards) that it felt a bit overwhelming so i just decided to go home and do RDLs.

There was also a girl in the gym who did the stairmaster after her workouts and i was like "you can do the stairmaster after your workouts???" means you aren't training hard enough!!! 

I was also sweating a lot today, which is weird cause the temps went down but i was really sweaty. Might be because i ate unhealthily this weekend lol. 

Leg curl felt like a good stretch but had to go down in reps after the first batch cause oof. The weight wasn't too high, it was just right. I could've probably gone a bit higher but the workout itself is just so hard on my legs lol. The leg press felt too easy on 50kg so i went to 60kg. I could've probably easily gone to 70kg but i will keep that for another. At one point i felt it really in my glutes (i put my feet in the middle of the platform). My addies did hurt a lot again and still when i did the adductor. But it's already better vs last week!

Cooled down. Thanks Storm!

Yesterday i wanted to do some core exercises, but my day was a bit weird. I went to the store later in the evening and then we got a crazy ass storm with heavy winds, and insane lightning (i made a video i might post it). Apparently they even warned for a hurricane! That like... doesn't happen here? Lol. My fence almost blew over. I think it is standing crookedly now, but i don't want to assess the damage just yet lol.

I wanted to also do core exercises yesterday, but it was so hot i was like whatever. Luckily it cooled down a lot today, so i might do it tonight. NO. I WILL do it tonight! 

I also said (i believe) i wanted to do daily squats and totally forgot about them yesterday, so oops. My addies still hurt btw.

Today i did 13 squats.