DOMs and some personal stuff

I had DOMs yesterday. I can still kinda feel them today. Might go to the gym tomorrow. I also got an email that i will be having an appointment on Tuesday evening with my neighbor and mediators. Not looking forward to it, actually kinda nervous. Also, still didn't hear from my ex-"best friend". This just confirms i made the right choice. I'm not the type of person who will go like "omg i told you not to contact me" and then they contact me anyways. I told him not to message me. I never said "dont come at my door". And as i said, an apology would've been nice. A letter. A card. Anything. But i don't know why i, even after all this time, still have expectations. I never got a proper thank you for letting him live here. Never got a thank you for helping him settle here and with all his paperwork. Nothing. I think he is secretly grateful i cut him out so now he can spend his 3-4 week vacation with his new gf and he doesn't have to spend time with me. Whatever. Am i a bit salty? Of course. Should i be? Hell no!

Hooks

I am debating whether i should go to the gym today or work-out at home. Cause remember in my AAAAAA post i said that i saw Will Tennyson do Tiktok hacks and he used those triangle cable machine attachments things? Yeah, i was on the cusp of buying them. I had some tabs open, but then i saw that you could buy these hand straps that had hooks on them. I was like "no way". So i bought one of those instead. I got them yesterday and have not tried them out yet. Maybe i could go to the gym today and then try them out after at home? Seems like a solid plan i think.

i wanted a cute img with my hooks so asked AI to make it cute but i didn't tell it that it couldn't add text. it made me laugh so hard so i am keeping it like this lol. laugh with me!

I haven't written here for a while cause my upstairs neighbors totally effed up my routine again, on top of that, i stopped talking to my friend again. I think i am 100% done with him right now. The only thing that i will miss of him is the fact that he would go everywhere with me if i would ask, but i'm sure i can find other friends who can fill that gap.

I can feel my butt bones again when i sit down which sucks cause i was starting to get plump again, ugh. But hey, summer is over now! Yesterday we had a super warm but grey day, and then in the evening there was an insane rain + thunder storm. It was pretty cool. But that means that colder days are ahead of us and i like that. I am sick and tired of being sweaty and warm all the time. And usually it also means less people outside.

So i guess i will just go to the gym today. I wanted to go last week, but it showed that it was super busy for some reason?! Even though it showed that basically no one was there on the friday evenings whenever i went. I went on the Google thing again just now and it shows that basically every day in the evening it is crowded except for Fridays. It is almost 6PM now, and i am drinking a protein coffee drink. I might eat an apple for some energy and then stretch and go around 7PM or something. Oh yeah, i need to charge my phone! Cause it has like 20% battery lol.

Edit: i ended up not going to the gym. I was distracted and then i felt it was too late to go. So i did leg day at home instead!

• 1x8 Bulgarian split squat (7.5kg) 
• 3x10 RDL (20kg)
• 3x10Barbell hip thrust (20kg)
• 3x15Shallow squats (bar only)

I tried to do Bulgarians first and they felt super effective, a bit too much maybe. I felt like if i would do more reps i would pull a muscle. So after doing 1x10 i went on to RDLs. 

I first did my RDLs without the straps and the second time i tried them with. I hated the straps!!! I felt like i was going to break my wrists and the weight somehow felt heavier?! Maybe i should try it out on lighter weights first to see if that feels better. I stopped after 1 rep and then tried to just hold them in my hand while the hooks held the weight, that felt better, but more unstable, and didn't feel very safe so i just did it with my bare hands again. My forearms hurt now lol.

DOMs!!!!

So much happened again with my upstairs neighbors. I will put the whole story under the "read more" tab, but TLDR; people from the renting org came on monday, couldn't sleep monday night, escalated things again on Tuesday (yesterday), was so tired yesterday that i fell asleep at like 11PM, woke up this morning at 6AM.

I haven't had such an early morning in a long while!!! It actually felt kinda good, probably cause it is summer so i saw the sun rise and stuff that was nice. It was even a bit cold this morning lol. I have horrible DOMs from Monday, especially my hamstrings are dying. I will have to stretch and when it feels a bit better later on i will do my bulgarian's, otherwise i will skip them lol. Haven't had such bad DOMs in a while so yay.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Last Friday was a fluke cause of my upstairs neighbors. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Read more under the read more tab i guess... TLDR; I didn't go to the gym on Friday and my diet was crappy this weekend so back to it today!!!

• Shallow squats 4kg (3x10)
• RDL 20kg (3x8)
• Barbell hip thrust 20kg (4x10)

I started today with squats. Still scared to do them, but i really want to pick it back up so i have to start at some point. I did more shallow squats and then went lower and lower until i felt tension. That went pretty good. After 3 sets i felt burns in my addies so i was like that is enough.

After that i did my RDLs. I am going up in weight with my RDLs and my arms are going to fail at some point. I do not understand my stupid barbell straps, but i did see Will try out some "tiktok hacks" or whatever in one of his videos where he used those triangle cable machine attachment grips for doing dumbbell RDLs, so why not for barbell? I have to order a pair, pronto. I do think it is already crazy that i can (kind of?) easily do 20kg RDL, as when i was training more i was stuck around 16/18kg and when i worked out with the PT i did around 20kg. I have been out for so long and now i am already back to 20kg??? Maybe my body really needed that long period of rest lol.

After that hip thrusts. During my first set my addies and glutes started to burn after 8 reps lol. So i kept it to 8 reps. I think it is cause i increased the weight so suddenly. I could easily do more, but my muscles aren't used to it yet. That's why i am just following the weight of my RDLs (which is also easier for me in terms of set up lol) (im so lazy).

After the thrusts i wanted to do bulgarian split squats but i ended up not doing them. I'm thinking about doing them on Wednesday together with shallow squats again. I mean... why not?

Hunngyyyy & neighbor update

I am starting to feel the effects of undereating. Last night i felt hungry before i went to bed: my stomach was making sounds even after eating my yogurt. Then this morning when i woke up and also during the day my stomach kept making sounds. I didn't necessarily felt hungry, but i could tell my body was hungry.

Today for lunch i ate a veggie plant-based chycken filet. It doesn't have a lot of protein so i ate 2. They are kind of dense in calories when you look at the protein, but since that's fine i don't feel too bad about it. I made some oven fries with it as well. Not sure yet what i will eat for dinner, but i accidentally opened a chocolate soy mylk pack - thinking it was almond milk - so i need to empty that, so i might make a protein smoothie later tonight.

Also my neighbors left again and today came back? Although i think it is just his daughter. Her electric fat bike (ofc she drives one) was in front of their door i noticed, and i also do not hear the guy (her dad), cause you usually hear him talk or laugh or make weird noises when he is home. I can also recognize her footsteps (yes, the noise is so insane that i can recognize these a-holes by their footsteps). 

The renting org btw finally took me seriously. I first had email contact with a guy from their social unit. I normally always have contact with a woman who handles things, but she is on vacation. And this guy seemed a bit more proactive. So to capitalize on that i wrote him a long email with all the issues that i have been having with them. He gave me his number in case anything is ever up, so i can always reach him (i btw never got the number from the woman. i always had to call their general number and that one closed its lines at like 12PM lol, so absolutely useless).  The day after he was at my door with another guy from the org to tell me what they will be doing. They said they went at their door a few times but they weren't home, so he said he will send them an email cause he wants to check out their vent system.

I am kind of fuming right now cause that means that the vent system issue could've been solved eons ago. I complained about this ages ago to the woman and she kept making excuses, but my other upstairs neighbors also complained about it, but we never were taken seriously. So i am happy these guys are more proactive and i also have 2 different contacts now within the org. I am hellbent on getting them kicked out, as i am sure that they are never going to change their ways anyways.

I also got contacted by the neighbor helping squad or whatever who will help you talk to your neighbor face-to-face. They told me they will call me for an appointment one of these days. So a lot is happening. I just want it to be over. I honestly don't even want them to fix their issues, i just want them to move.

Diet experiment success!

 My diet experiment yesterday went really well!!! I'll show you what i ate:

• Morning: Protein yogurt with soy crispies
• Lunch: Plant-based mini (not-meat) balls
• Dinner: Rice, soy pieces with tandoori, brown rice mix
• Snack: Protein yogurt with soy crispies

I did not feel hungry once during the day and all this together was only 1,173 calories and 108.5g of protein! Isn't that crazy?!?!? I always add extra soy chunks to my dinners wherever i can to up the protein but i could've easily added less, cause i think i added too much to my dish (it made it not taste good). But even if i had left out the extra soy chunks i would've still eaten 99g of protein. That is crazy!

For lunch i actually wanted to eat soy chunks, but i realized i would eat a lot of soy that day and wasn't in the mood for the same type of flavor throughout. So i went through my freezer to see what i had and remembered that i still had left over mini (not-meat) balls from the day before. So i heated some of those up. There were only 9 pieces, 150 calories and 13g of protein. But not every meal has to be high protein and it kept me satiated till dinner.

When i realized how easily it is now for me to get to my protein goal while maintaining low calorie; i immediately ordered more soy crispies and some soy chunks lol. It is mainly the soy crispies that are so wonderful. They are like cereal and love the extra crunch they add to the yogurt. I can even add it on top of ice cream and other sweet things that i like to eat. You also don't need much!

I ended up grabbing a cup from my cupboard and fill that up with exactly 50g of soy crispies with a little scooper and put it on my desk (since i am there most of the day) So i could easily add it to my yogurt. I also ate a bit too much yogurt in the morning, i felt so full. I only ate 155g but maybe have to lower it to 100g. If i eat 100g protein yogurt with the crisps 3 times a day i already am at 71.7g of protein and only 441 calories. Gosh, if i had known this sooner it would've been so easy to follow a consistent high protein diet when i went to the gym more! 

It's nice to know that it is easy now to reach my protein target without having to stress over making meals or whatever. So i am ever so grateful about finding out about the soy crispies omg. 

I did not work out yesterday. I easily could've, but i didn't. The heat was still in the air. It was like a weird moist kind of heat, even though the sun was barely out yesterday. My hands and feet were tingly. This could indicate a b12 deficiency, but i have been taking my b12 pills pretty regularly the last month or so. Same with vitamin D, and i've been sitting more in the sun as well at the end of the day. But i can tell that i probably do have a vitamin deficiency. I am so tired all the time. I probably need to get it checked but i will first try and see if i will feel better by making sure to take my vitamin pills every day.

The heat returns

This weekend my glutes and hammies had some good DOMs. It wasn't bad enough that i needed support to sit down, but it was just about enough that i felt it, which is good! Makes me excited to work out at home again. 

Initially i wanted to do 3 days a week, but i think right now that will be unrealistic. Instead i want to keep going to the gym on Friday, cause i like Fridays, and then do a leg day at home on Tuesdays. I think that will balance things out a lot, and it doesn't have to be perfect... just yet.

On top of that, i have been feeling extremely tired cause the heat has returned and also i am on my period. I might have an iron deficiency or something. I haven't felt this tired during my period for a long time.

I have also decided that i am going to plan out my diet better starting this week. I have to see what i will do, but i either under eat or overeat every day. And i usually don't eat healthy things. I am very often not in the mood to think about what i want to cook or what i want to eat that day and then i usually just wait till the end of the day and then eat something. Or i snack on chocolate peanuts. This has to change, obviously.

I think i want to aim for a 1,200 - 1,500 calorie window. I prefer lower for now cause i think i need to lose the fat, but i'll allow myself the 1,500. Hitting my protein target should be easy now with the soy crisps and the soy pieces. I don't know what i want my protein target to be, but i think minimum 80g.

I already calculated now that if i eat my soy yogurt, protein yogurt, protein crisps (50 grams), and soy pieces (50 grams) i will have almost 80 grams of protein and only 715 calories. I just have to figure out how to make my diet more diverse. The problem is just that if i for example open a small can of idk edamame beans i cannot eat all of them. I get full so quick! So then i have to throw them away? That's a waste! So i have to check if i can maybe freeze them or something. And also make sure i get a full amino profile.

I just think what will be best is to just start the day with my soy protein yogurt and soy crisps. Then lunch with soy pieces and some rice and veggies. Then as dinner eat whatever fits in my calorie profile for the day (potatoes/fries/tators/pasta/rice with a meat replacement, sauce, veggies, whatever) and then as snack or dessert protein yogurt with soy crisps.

I will try and start with it tomorrow. I don't have small soy desserts anymore, but i do have the protein yogurt so i guess that will do for now. I will let you know how it goes!

I will also try and do leg day tomorrow at home, but i can't promise anything cause if the heat persists i am not gonna do anything lol.

Leg day at home?!

Yesterday i only slept for 3 hours and last night i only slept for 5-6 hours. I am so, so tired. On top of that i also got my period, which makes me even more tired. I was trying to get ready for the gym and i felt lightheaded. I just didn't feel too good. To lower my anxiety levels i decided to just not go to the gym. However, i will work out at home. I don't know how it is going to go, but i will try. This way i can take longer breaks if i need to and i can sit down without people asking me if i am okay. And i can work-out in shorts!!!

• Bulgarian split squats 7.5kg (4x8)
• RDL 14kg (3x10)
• Barbell hip thrust 14kg (4x10)
• Squats

I think i did pretty decent. I could easily go up with the RDL and the hip thrust was way too low in weight, but i was too lazy to change the weights and also i haven't done hip thrusts in a while so i think going lower weight was probably a better choice. My glutes are still burning so i guess i did something right. After my work-out i walked my dog as post cardio i guess and stretching the legs a little.

At the moment it seems that my upstairs neighbors aren't home again, so i hope it stays this way throughout the weekend so i can go to the gym maybe on Tuesday. That would be nice.

Neighbors are back home kms

So last week and this week i did not go to the gym on Monday. Last week i didn't go cause i woke up pretty late and i had a doozy day, and this week i wanted to go on Tuesday, but then my friend was going to come over to bring me a cable for my new screen and i didn't have time to go and i was really tired in the evening.

These might sound like excuses, but they really aren't. I am annoyed tho cause i could've worked out at home, or at least work out at home on another day, but i didn't do that either. However, i am trying to remain positive because i have been going to the gym every Friday since i started again, so at least that is progress. I might just have to find a proper time to go on monday or tuesday where i feel more comfortable. I really want to go early in the morning, but that plan can get easily overruled if i do not get out of bed in time, which is why going on Friday evening is so easy.

I also have to find a good time to do my stretches, because i am not doing them. It really effs up my legs. The other day i put on a movie to stretch to and instead of stretching i just sat there like a drooling dog and watched the movie and i did nothing lol.

In bad news... my upstairs neighbors are back home it seems. They were on vacation for like 2 weeks. Yesterday they were back and the first thing they did was open the window and listen to loud tv all night. I had to close my backdoor, which i like to keep open during Summer. Then today they were talking really loud with the window open of course and walking loudly through their house and i left my house for a bit for an appointment and when i came back my whole house smelled like the devil's lettuce. Very cool. I think i am mildly allergic to it cause every time that happens my throat closes up, i get a weird taste in my mouth, and i get a headache.

I swear, if they are going to ruin my progress at the gym i am literally going to the unspeakable things to them. I think i will just see red and just lose control of myself. The anger these people invoke in me is unsustainable. And it will come out one day. And i won't be in control of it.

Lost weight

I was at the gym at 8pm and i swear there are always different people even tho i go at the same time?! The HIIT people were already cleaning up when i got there so i missed out, unfortunately.

• Adductor 1x15 40kg, 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x12 (45kg)
• Leg curls 1x10 (30kg), 2x8 (32.5kg), 1x8 (35kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 1x12 (60kg) 3x12 (70kg)
• Abductor 2x12 45kg, 1x12 47.5kg, 1x10 50kg
• Leg extension 3x8 (40kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

I felt a bit shaky today, probably cause i haven't been eating very well (skipping meals etc.). I realized i've lost some weight. I don't know why i feel less hungry ever since i started working out again. Weird. I also felt out of breath after the leg press for some reason lol. And i did 40kg leg extensions cause all the 5s were gone. It felt fine tho. I could easily do 8 reps but the cramps aaaa.

Anxiety issues & neighbors

[I forgot when i wrote this cause i didn't check the date before opening it, but i am going to assume it was in the days before the neighbors came home, i never posted this but i want it to be on my blog so i will publish it under a random date where i feel like i wrote it]

I was re-reading my blog last night and realized how much i was struggling with going to the gym. I think a lot of it was because of outside factors. Like before, my upstairs neighbors were annoying when they had a kid. Then my best friend moved in and that was just a disaster. Then i got new upstairs neighbors and they made my life hell (im not sure if i wrote about that here), but now that the renting org got involved they are quiet (well, actually, they seem to be on vacation) and now i go to the gym more often.

I think most of my anxiety, purely by observation, is based on external stimuli. And possibly also, whether i can clear my head at home or not. When you constantly have sounds in your home, or people that you have to keep in mind, you can't really live. Because of that i think i could never really let go of all the stressors around me, which meant that my anxiety levels never really went down. I remember explaining something similar to my previous psychologist; and i told him that i could never lower my anxiety, because my base anxiety levels are already higher than the average person. So i need to make my base anxiety lower, but i didn't know how. He didn't either.

I never really connected my base anxiety to be so high cause of all the shit going on around me. It was really bad. I did think obviously that it had an effect on me, but not this badly. I kept beating myself up about not being able to wake up early, not going to bed earlier, not being able to clean my house etc. but now that there is quiet in my home, i can do so many things again! And it just goes easily. I don't have to force anything. I don't get panic attacks when i have to do it; i just do it. Even going to sleep i used to constantly have anxiety "oh no, what if the neighbors are going to wake me up again". But now? I just go to bed whenever i want and i sleep.

I read some of the previous reports psychologists and social workers made on me, and everyone mentioned my neighbors, but no one crossed it off as high on their priority list of things that are fucking me up. Just like "it annoys her". It is actually crazy when no one takes you seriously. When i reported my upstairs neighbors to my renting org i attached audio files that i made to the report and i actually boosted the audio so it sounded really loud. I mean, it was really loud in real life, but i made it louder and also edited other noise out so it sounded clearer, since the audio didn't sound too good anyways. It's funny cause i could literally report everyone in the neighborhood like that LOL. What if my upstairs neighbors were actually not that bad and i was just a Karen? And i boosted the audio to make it seem worse than it was? Pretty funny. The average person is so tech illiterate that they cannot even phantom a person EDITING something lol. 

So yeah, the reason why i am making this post is literally to remind myself that if things are bad; it is most probably cause of external stimuli i have no control over. It is not me as a person. I constantly thought that i was the problem. That i wasn't trying hard enough or whatever. But it wasn't me. It never was. It was all the external factors. And now that they are gone, i am better. I wonder if i had a personal trainer now if i would be at the gym on time. If i would train harder. Do better. Eat better etc. I am sure i would. But now i can't get the funding for one. Blegh.

100kg leg extension?!

I was at the gym at 19.50. It seemed like no one was doing legs except for one guy. 

• Adductor 1x15 (37.5kg), 1x15 40kg, 2x12 (42.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (27.5 kg), 1x10 (30kg), 1x8 (32.5kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 1x12 (60kg) 3x10 (70kg)
• Abductor 2x12 45kg, 1x12 47.5kg
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

And of course when i wanted to do the leg curl there was an old man hogging it with his towel. He went to the bathroom for like 20 minutes and just as i wanted to go to the leg curl he came back... He then seemed to leave the leg curl just as i finished my last adductor rep and when i got at the machine he left the whole curl chair sweaty. Grossss

The weird workout people outside (apparently they are doing HIITT) have a stand-in instructor and there's only 3 people: the woman with the kid, lesbian young woman, and fat guy

In the gym atm there are so many zoomers. I believe the huge guy i saw the other day walked in at around 8.35 but im not sure if it really was him. I skipped the leg extension cause there was a young zoomer doing like over 100kg of leg extension. So i was just like "Ye omg I'm going home". I wanted to talk to him and ask how long it took him to get to that weight, but i chickened out.

Monday Leg day

This weekend i had DOMs. They weren't too bad, but i felt them. Mainly in my quads, hamstrings, and glutes. I suppose that's good! I also found out that i have a plum tree growing in my yard! Super cool!!!

I wanted to go a bit earlier today. I actually wanted to go at around 11AM, but i had some stuff to do and got distracted. So i opted for 03.45PM.

• Adductor 1x15 (35kg), 2x12 (37.5kg), 1x12 40kg
• Leg curls 1x12 (27.5 kg), 2x8 (30kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 3x12 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 47.5kg, 2x12 45kg
• RDL 3x10 (14kg)

The gross foot man was there again, but i think they forced him (probably) to wear sneakers. His gross sandals were at the coat racks. Anyways, i forgot to stretch, but i always do my little cardio warmup. I just for some reason never write that down here. It was a little busy; i can definitely go at quieter times. However, it started to clear out a little at 4, and then significantly at around 4.15.

When i went to my first machine there was a huge guy in his 40s or so at the free weights. His arms were insane. When i wanted to check him later, he was gone :(

I did an extra set on the adductor machine, cause people were at the leg curl. At the leg curl i went higher in weight, cause i wanted to do less reps, cause my right leg was being weird again. I skipped the leg extension. I was sweating and hungry. I did do the RDL at home.  

Sweaty gym day

Today is gym day again. It is hotter today than it was on other days, but not too bad. Tomorrow it will apparently be even hotter, but that's okay cause it will be weekend.

I wanna try some higher weights on some machines and see how that will go, since i didn't go this monday my muscles had extra time to relax, which might help. I was checking how much i used to do on the leg curl and i used to be able to do 40kg. That made me physically cringe... cause compared to now im so weak!!! But also when i check my overall stats, i am pretty close to where i was for a long time (especially when i stopped training with PT). Only when i started to get actually stronger i started hitting more max numbers. I think i'm about 12.5kg away from hitting the max on all of them. I think it should be doable to get back to that if i keep going like this EASILY by the end of the year. Keep in mind that i also want to start doing stuff at home again, which will only maximize my gains (i hope).

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (32.5kg), 1x15 (35kg), 1x12 (37.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 2x12 (27.5 kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 3x12 (60kg), (feet mid) 1x12 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (45kg), 2x12 47.5kg
• Leg extension 1x8 (37.5kg), 3x8 (40kg 1x20 2x10)

I think i will run this basic program one more time next week and then start getting more into the focused program where i will have the glute > quad > full leg day. And then hopefully also do cardio and core, but that will come later.

Today there were a lot of young zoomer men in the gym. They were really loud and annoying, but since they were in groups and because they are boys/men, they were only doing core and arms, so they weren't hogging the machines that i wanted to use. I wanted to go higher on the leg press today, but i was struggling. I was also very sweaty today, so i just skipped it for now.

I also finally felt some actually fatigue in my legs when i left the gym, which meant that i worked out hard, which is good. I forgot to do the RDL though, so i did that later in the evening (oops). Hope that doesn't matter, but i guess not.

Before i left for the gym, and i was dressing up at home i realized how jiggly my thighs are again. When i was more "muscular" my thighs could still jiggle but they were soooo firm as well. Now they just jiggle. It's at least a good indicator to see whether my legs are growing or not i guess.

Since i don't have a lot to worry about next week (unless another heatwave hits us) i might try and do some stuff on Wednesday as well; at least the bulgarian split squat.

A little break!

No gym today. I am so, so tired. I got my period and if i had nothing else to do today i might've hit the gym, but there is a lady coming tomorrow for my yard and my house is a mess. I need to clean it up. I already did some stuff last week and this weekend, but of course i can't do anything properly until the ADHD stress kicks in. It is going pretty well so far. I am cleaning for like 15 minutes and then take a small break. My ovaries are just killing me and my head hurts. And my head never hurts. Now that i typed that out i will refill my water bottle brb.

The weather has become way more pleasant the last week or so and i hope it stays that way. I was thinking to keep Monday and Friday for the gym and then if i feel like it i do stuff on Wednesday at home. I want to start small and then work my way up. I also really want to work on my cardio again. Sometimes when i walk with the dog i will start running with her, and she likes to go to the field behind my house where she runs around and i often run with her. I do realize my stamina is way better than it used to be when i was younger so i guess that is a pro.

I also ordered my new speakers last week. So that is sorted out too! Now all i need is a new water bottle cause my lid is broken :( (cause i keep dropping it lol). I can still take it to the gym luckily, but i can't put it in my bag cause when it goes sideways it starts leaking.

I also keep forgetting about doing the daily squats so that is totally off the table cause i obviously can't keep myself to it. I also haven't done any ab days. Once my period is over i do want to introduce them. I think it will all also be easier once my house is cleaned up. I will feel like i can breathe again and move around without having to fall over stuff lol.

I will stretch later tonight. When i woke up my legs felt weird and i don't want to get the weird muscle pulls again, so stretching is a must. When i went to the gym last week i stretched in my room (cause i have space again) and that's really nice. Now i can pick where i want to do it, whereas before i was kind of tied to my living room.

I'm excited for the appointment tomorrow about my yard, but not excited about whether i can clean up my mess or not aaaa stress!

Speakers

I didn't go to the gym yesterday 'cause i had two appointments in the afternoon. I wanted to go later, but when i got home i was SO TIRED. Even though i slept well that night. I then remembered that i always randomly got tired once i started working out. So i guess that is coming back lol. Need to keep an eye on my vitamins and stuff! I have been slacking with that lately and because i don't watch my diet that much right now it is definitely important to do so.

I was thinking about going today instead of tomorrow, but i feel like that will ef up my flow. If my brain knows mon>wed>fri then it will be better i think. So i will just go tomorrow.

I haven't been stretching at all tho, and i can really feel it in my legs. My speakers in the living room are broken, and that's where i stretch so i constantly feel like not stretching cause i can't watch anything or listen to movie. I mean... i can on my phone, but it's not the same is it. So it's difficult to get motivation for that. I guess today i will order some new speakers.

Gymgymgym

 Went to the gym today! I don't know why i feel more motivated and less anxious lately. I do think i have to get my period so usually the week before i have less anxiety lol. I at first almost didn't go cause every time when i wanted to leave something else happened; my shirt had a stain, my phone wasn't charged etc. but i made it! Also when i was leaving my cat neighbor (i'll call him that) (it's the neighbor who also takes care of the cats in the neighborhood) was outside so i talked to him about the cats for some time, and then i left to the gym. I was there around 04.40PM or something and it was a little bit crowded. 

There were a lot of women in the gym all doing leg day (of course). So that was kind of annoying. Have to probably go a bit earlier next time on a Monday. Just have to find the sweet spot.

• Abductor 1x12 (42.5kg), 2x10 (45kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 2x10 (25kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet mid) 1x12 (50kg) 3x12 (60kg)
• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (32.5kg), 1x10 (35kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

Because most machines were hogged the order of things were a bit chaotic. I wanted to do the leg press, but there were so many men at the weight section (where the leg press is faced towards) that it felt a bit overwhelming so i just decided to go home and do RDLs.

There was also a girl in the gym who did the stairmaster after her workouts and i was like "you can do the stairmaster after your workouts???" means you aren't training hard enough!!! 

I was also sweating a lot today, which is weird cause the temps went down but i was really sweaty. Might be because i ate unhealthily this weekend lol. 

Leg curl felt like a good stretch but had to go down in reps after the first batch cause oof. The weight wasn't too high, it was just right. I could've probably gone a bit higher but the workout itself is just so hard on my legs lol. The leg press felt too easy on 50kg so i went to 60kg. I could've probably easily gone to 70kg but i will keep that for another. At one point i felt it really in my glutes (i put my feet in the middle of the platform). My addies did hurt a lot again and still when i did the adductor. But it's already better vs last week!

Cooled down. Thanks Storm!

Yesterday i wanted to do some core exercises, but my day was a bit weird. I went to the store later in the evening and then we got a crazy ass storm with heavy winds, and insane lightning (i made a video i might post it). Apparently they even warned for a hurricane! That like... doesn't happen here? Lol. My fence almost blew over. I think it is standing crookedly now, but i don't want to assess the damage just yet lol.

I wanted to also do core exercises yesterday, but it was so hot i was like whatever. Luckily it cooled down a lot today, so i might do it tonight. NO. I WILL do it tonight! 

I also said (i believe) i wanted to do daily squats and totally forgot about them yesterday, so oops. My addies still hurt btw.

Today i did 13 squats.

Heatwave Friday

The last time i went to the gym was on a Friday as well and from my notes i went at around 02.40PM and it started to become less crowded around 03.15PM. So today i planned to go around 03.15PM. 

I ended up going at 03.30PM. There were again not many people, mainly men. And everyone was old. But not like elderly. At one point there was a man and i realized he had flipflops on and later on he was next to me doing leg extensions and i saw his crusty feet and toenails and it was so gross!!! I don't understand how he didn't get kicked out of the gym. Later on i saw him praying?! So strange. I live in a white small farmer town and we have one living facility for eastern Europeans who come to work here and then there are some refugee centers scattered around. I'm going to assume he was from the refuge center.

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 3x12 (32.5kg)
• Leg curls 1x12 (25kg), 1x10 (27.5kg), 1x12 (25kg)
• Sitting leg press (feet low) 3x12 (50kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (35kg), 1x12 (40kg), 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x10 (45kg)
• Leg extension 3x8 (35kg)
• RDL 3x12 (14kg)

My addies really hurt today. When i went on the adductor machine i had to put the machine on a lower number (7) so i barely had ROM, but after that i could put it back on 6. I usually have it on 5 i believe. I didn't try to push myself too hard today. I just wanted to get it done. On the leg curls i could do 27.5kg, but my leg felt a bit weird (like i was gonna pull a muscle), so i quickly went back to 25kg. At home i did RDLs. I first wanted to do 14kg, but again, don't want to push myself, so i went to 10kg. 

The gym was overall really quiet as i said, it was the same in May so Friday afternoons are a good time to go! I now wonder what Friday evenings are like.

Melting Core

Last night the upstairs neighbors kept me up until 5AM and then woke me up at 11AM. I want to say things, but i don't want to be on a certain watchlist so i will just keep quiet :) I did walk the dog at night and it was still so hot outside :( I aired everything out all night/morning, and keeping everything closed right now, so it is a bit cooler in my apartment. But the sun will come at the end of the afternoon so we'll see how it will be then... hopefully not horrible.

Today the DOMs aren't too bad, probably cause i skipped the RDLs. Oops. I did make an overview of the workouts i want to do on Mon/Wed/Fri. I made a long version and a short one: in case i don't have energy, i didn't sleep well etc. It's like a glute>quad>full leg day. But i will first do a kind of "intro" month, where i just do some boring stuff to just get back into things and i don't have to overthink anything. The workouts are basically only the leg press, RDLs, leg extension & curl and adductor/abductor machine. So fairly simple. And then do daily squats as well, to wake up those muscles and to not eff myself up.

And then on Tue/Thu i want to do core exercises, maybe even do some upper body exercises. But i will first start with just core and see how that goes.

• 1x8 Long arm crunch
• 1x12 Tuck up crunch
• 1x20 Bicycle crunch 
• 1x12 Weighted Russian twist 
• 1x12 Dumbbell side bend
• 1x12 Seated barbell twist (4kg)

Today i did 10 squats!

Super Summer Heat

Wewwww it's super summer heat, and i decided to go to the gym in the evening for once! I have been going to the gym maybe every two-four weeks, since the last time i wrote here. I also sometimes try to work-out at home, but no matter what i do i can't get back in the flow. I felt inspired the other day cause i found out about soy crisps and how much protein they have + soy bits and i got excited again about eating high protein.

But eating high protein doesn't matter if i don't work-out as well, so i've been dabbling with working out ever since. Last week i finally decided to order the soy crisps + bits so this week i really wanted to start going to the gym again. My idea is to just do legs Mon/Wed/Fri. I didn't do it this Monday cause i had some stuff coming up, but i did it today! I'm so proud of myself.

• Adductor 1x15 (30kg), 1x12 (32.5kg), 1x12 (35kg), 1x12 (37.5kg)
• Sitting leg press 1x15 (30kg), 2x12 (50kg),  2x10 (60kg)
• Abductor 1x12 (35kg), 1x12 (40kg), 1x12 (42.5kg), 1x10 (45kg)

The crowd in the gym was more or less the same in the evening as when i usually go, except people don't really leave. Normally in the afternoon people come and go, which sometimes means you are in the gym with only 2 people, but in the evening everyone hovers and stays for some reason. I went around 8.30PM and left an hour later and the same people were in the gym the whole time. So i do think going in the afternoon is better, although i have heard a worker there say that on Thu/Fri evening there's almost no one there. Maybe i'll try that out this week as well. I do think i prefer the late mornings and early afternoons tho.

The reason i decided to go in the evening is because i wanted to go, but my upstairs neighbors keep me up all night. So i usually wake up around 1-2PM. Then i gotta wake up etc. and by then it is so warm outside that i don't really want to do anything. And right now i am just trying to focus on the fact that i did go. And that's the most important! Eating right now is a little bit whatever for me because of the heat. I usually don't feel very hungry and maybe eat one meal a day and the rest is liquid calories, which could be worse.

I also didn't do too much at the gym cause most machines were taken constantly and i wasn't in the mood to wait. But again... progress is progress. And once i gain my strength back i probably feel more comfortable kicking people off the gym equipment (hehe joking... unless). Then at home i wanted to do some RDLs but it was so hot inside of my apartment, i just opted out. Maybe next time!

Sick!

So, ever since my friend left i feel really nauseated and my stomach hurts. I thought it was because i forced myself to wake up early that i felt so horrible, but no, it is definitely something else. On Tuesday morning (yesterday) i woke up at 8AM and i threw up. I then spend the rest of the day in bed sleeping. When i got up i checked out my stomach in the mirror and it was fully bloated. I am afraid now that i have a vitamin D deficiency again. I swear, this happens every time when summer comes along? Why??? I have been walking my dog almost every day during the day when the sun is out + i was in the yard a lot with my friend... my body wasn't made for sunny weather or something lol.

Anyways, i am now taking 2 tablets of vitamin D in the morning and then 1 in the evening and i hope that my bloated stomach will go away soon. I am not hungry at all, which is annoying. I also keep burping which is disgusting, honestly.

I still want to work-out, and i might just do it. I know it's Wednesday... but then i can work-out again at home on Saturday. The sucky thing is that on Monday it is a national holiday here so i will probably go out with friends. The gym will be closed. So then i will have to see if i can go on Tuesday... ahhhhh. I hate all these appointments and holidays. Please make them stop!!!

I did push through and ended up working out:

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x10>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 1x12 (10kg) 2x12 (14kg)
• Goblin squat 3x12 (7.5kg)

It went pretty well. The weights still kind of feel light. Especially the RDL bummed me out so i upped the weight. I hate doing the goblin squat so i might do daily squats again and then move on to doing back squats as i used to do. It's crazy to k now that i can do 14kg RDLs with ease!!! Even though i haven't worked out that hard in the last few months. It's crazy how much a body can hold on to strength. Good to see tho!

Getting back to it

Okay so last week after i did my stuff, my friend came by and stayed for almost the whole week which was honestly pretty bad for me, but also a little bit good. We got some yard work in which was nice, and we got pretty far. But i am behind now on my actual work, which is not good. My sleeping schedule is fucked, because often we would hang out the whole day and evening, and then he would sleep and i would work until the early morning. Not recommended tbh. I forced myself today to wake up at 10 AM and now i feel horrible, but i just have to go through it i guess.

I already can tell i've been losing weight over the course of the last 1-2 weeks cause my pants are not as tight anymore. I think this is because i have been focusing more on protein again and i am counting my calories which is good! I actually started to count calories again even before last week, so obviously that is working out for me yay!

Because i feel so shit today, i will only force myself to stretch, and maybe do like a short core routine. Tomorrow i want to try and go to the gym. I have an appointment anyways in the afternoon, so if i can go before the appointment; that would be great! Otherwise i will have to do it at home: no excuses.

I am kind of annoyed that i had such a good start tho and then it kinda got ruined because my friend decided to stay over the whole week, ugh. I need to learn to say no or go away i guess. I tried at one point to work-out with him, but i slept so shittily the whole time that i literally couldn't move my body much, and the yard seemed like a better option.

But hey, gonna get back into it again. And even though i feel like absolute shit today, i will do SOMETHING. This is what i want to focus on: something.

Besides that, i have to finish one of my videos this week. I actually had to get it at the beginning of this month and i still don't have it done, so that sucks. I also have to get my house in better shape cause i have an important appointment coming up soon and it will be at my house, so i can go in cleaning mode i guess. And i have to get through my laundry. It is honestly just mainly my whole sock collection, but it is just such a pain to wash them and then to have to individually dry them since i don't have a dryer. I have two of those octopuses from the IKEA that are honestly great, but it is still such a pain to go through that lol. But the weather has been nice so i can at least hang it out to dry outside. So i should honestly just get on it.

I also am thinking about getting a separate storage closet type of thing for all my gym clothes. I don't know where i want to put it yet or what i want it to look like, but i think it will help me out with keeping things sorted, so i might have to check out the website or Pinterest for inspiration. Ah, i will never be bored!

WE'RE BACK!!!

Today i wanted to go to the gym. Kind of like any other day. Actually, last week on Friday i wanted to go to the gym, but my period was 1 week early and it was pretty heavy, so i decided not to go. Today i also wanted to go as i said, but i apparently had a meeting in the morning i forgot about and then i couldn't focus all my brain power anymore on going to the gym. But i am sick and tired of making excuses, cause let's be honest, anxiety or not, that's all they are. Excuses. Me not going for whatever reason is literally just an excuse to not go. So i got rid of the "i have to go to the gym" part and i just worked out at home. I didn't do anything too extensive. I did try to push the weights somewhat cause i do want to feel a burn, so i did that.

On Thursday (or else Friday) i want to try and go to the gym again. If i again just feel too anxious i will just turn off my brain and work out at home. Cause normally i will just sit around and go like "why am i not going to the gym" and blablabla, instead i can just say "okay, no gym, but still working out!" and then i just do weight stuff at home. It's better than nothing.

One of the reasons i feel so motivated is for a plethora of things but one of the main things is that i am losing the cushion i had on my butt. It was so nice to sit, and now i start to feel bones and stuff again. I think it is bones at least idk? But yeah, i want the fluff back. I also miss when my thighs were thicker and felt stronger. Idk overall my body just felt nicer and i miss it a lot. So i try to keep this feeling in my mind and i try to override the anxiety.

Anyways, enough rambling! This is what i did today. Let's continue this streak! :)

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x8>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 3x12 (10kg)
• Goblin squat 1x8>10>12 (7.5kg)
• (later) 20 minute post-stretch 

The hip thrust and RDL were with the barbell and the goblin squat was with my 7.5kg dumbbell. I also have to keep my protein which i will do on that website. I did some light stretching after my workouts and walked the dog. I will do some more proper stretching later (before bed).

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be core and upper body!

Some changes per April 2026

• my hair is now a white blonde
• still using Finch but i have to reorganize all my tasks
• using/playing an app called Love & Deepspace lol (my fav are Zayne and Caleb)
• 3 cats are now part-timely in my possession (long story)
• got a job coach to help me with getting my own Youtube channel going again
• i am now an official editor for a Youtuber i have been watching since Youtube became a thing basically
• still struggling with anxiety/agoraphobia which makes the gym difficult
• trying to get my yard together + building my own fence!!! (update soon i hope)

Day 7/25

I was depleted of energy again last night, even though i ended up going to bed later (at like 3 or 4). I did end up getting up at 10am, which was pretty cool. Unfortunately, i spend the rest of the day in a semi-anxiety attack about going to the gym. So that wasn't nice. I was fully dressed and all that, but no bueno. I did end up stretching for a good 30 minutes or so, and i might stretch again tonight. I am writing now because i want to do upper body instead of lower and try to go to the gym again tomorrow. And then change my leg day from Saturday to Sunday perhaps. Or maybe try and go to the gym again on Monday. I did realize when i was biking yesterday, and also today with stretching, that i get lactic acid again in my quads only. I still don't know why that happens, but that's why it is important that i do cardio and i stretch i think.

So i was thinking to take my dog on a late night walk a bit earlier today, so that i can come back, stretch, put in a hair mask, and then do upper body.

If i then still feel awake enough i will do some work, cause i am working on some PR material (flyers, posters, mainly) and i'm kinda running behind. Otherwise i will just try and go to sleep so i can get up earlier again tomorrow. I kinda wanna keep that going now tbh.

Today i did:

• stretching 20-30 mins
• more stretching 20-30 mins

Day 6/25

Omg. Yesterday i was so tired. I haven't had that in a while. I wanted to go to bed early regardless, and wanted to work-out and walk the dog before i went to bed, but i literally felt exhausted. I haven't felt that way in a while. So i was in bed somewhere before 1AM, which is super early for me lol. I couldn't even go on my phone. I just pulled my dog against me for warmth and i was knocked out. I briefly woke up at night, but i forced myself to fall asleep again. I also took magnesium, so i guess that helped too. I woke up at like 8.30pm - which was an hour and a half before my alarm was gonna go off. Pretty swell. I took the dog for a long walk and i was also on time at my group. Afterwards i went to my grandparents as i wrote yesterday.

The bike ride to my grandparents was HELL. I took my bike that has a smaller cog, because it is a city bike meant for short commutes, but i had the wind against me. So that wasn't a very fun bike ride. My quads were on fire. But hey, at least i did something active. It felt good. Depending on the weather, i might do it again some time next week.

But yeah, yesterday i didn't do my work-out. It is now nearing 12 at night, and i am pretty beat up, but i think i will at least do some stretching to prepare for tomorrow (legs @ gym) and do my core. If i still feel like it i might even throw in the upper body day i had planned for yesterday, and otherwise i will walk my dog, unless i feel too tired and then i will just KO in bed lol.

Today i:

• biked 10km

Day 5/25

So this "series" isn't going too well lol. I keep sleeping in. I did it again today. I wonder if it is the cold? Cause it is pretty cold the last few days. I was thinking to go to my grandparents today, but then i figured i could go tomorrow after my group perhaps, since i'm outside then already anyways. I just need to go to bed early tonight, so i can get up early enough to take the dog for a walk, since i'll be gone all afternoon.

Because i skipped my upper body yesterday, and i had nothing planned for today, i will do my upper body today. I just have to figure out what i want to do. I have also decided i'll do a juice/fluid fast for like two or three days one of these days, cause i feel so bloated. Going to my grandparents will be nice cause it is additional cardio (cause i will bike). It just sucks that it is so cold.

Day 4/25

Last night my friend and his friend came back to my place and we hung out. His friend stayed till like 2AM. It was fun, i guess. But because it was so late my friend asked if he could sleep over. And i was like "sure, but only if you drive me to the store tomorrow." So then today he woke up and he worked more on his truck, and i slept in a bit more. Once i got up we went to the store and then i made us dinner. I was very tired, so i decided to not work-out. I'm kinda bummed that didn't happen, but whatever. Gonna try and get up earlier tomorrow again so maybe i'll go to bed earlier tonight.

Day 3/25

I was very annoyed with myself today that i didn't clean the bathroom yesterday nor did i do leg day, but i took a bigger dose of my ADHD medication today and i managed to clean the whole bathroom and i felt pretty accomplished. I have been neglecting my bathroom for quite some time. I would clean my toilet of course, cause i can't stand a dirty toilet, but otherwise the bathroom was neglected. The only thing i have to do is clean the wall tiles, cause they have been getting pretty bad, and also the filter, but i'll do that some other time. 

I also cheated a bit yesterday with food. I didn't eat very high protein cause i had left-over sauce from the day before and i ate some cookies. So i hope to do better today, although i do not know yet what i want to eat. I will probably go to the store later, though.

Day 2/25

I woke up late again. Surprise! And then the rest of the day i just stared at the wall basically and i did not do leg day at home either nor did i clean. I think i was overwhelmed with tomorrow. However, i did walk the dog and i did run. I think in total i ran like 10-15 minutes. I didn't really keep time. I would just run until a certain spot and then i would walk back to my dog. I would then start running again after i'd catch my breath, but wasn't entirely rested either. This worked pretty well! 

Also, i have DOMs in my abdominal area so i guess what i did yesterday worked.

Day 1/25

Of course i fucked stuff up with my alarm and i just snoozed it 3 times and i slept in hard. But then again, i fell asleep pretty late as well. Today i was supposed to go to the gym for my leg day, but because i woke up later than i wanted, all my motivation drained and i hated myself. Whoops. So i will just switch it up (i already changed it in the previous post). I will keep all the days the same, except for the starting days. So today i will do core, tomorrow legs at the gym, and on Saturday i will do upper body. I think that that is a pretty decent schedule, and then on Sunday i will still do my legs at home to keep the schedule going. I just have to make sure that when i set my phone alarm that i put my phone far away from my bed. 

The problem is just that i am sleeping like absolute crap the last few weeks, mainly because of my upstairs neighbors. A few times i wasn't able to sleep until 7 in the morning. It feels like torture, but at the same time i don't want them to dictate my life anymore, and i really want to succeed with this. So i am going to try really hard to go to sleep on time tonight and wake up at a reasonable time also.

I also checked the gym and how crowded it will be and it showed that Thursday is basically the least busiest time until like 5-6pm. So now i hate myself even more cause i could've easily gone still. Tomorrow it shows that it is busy all day. This is how i have to repay for my sin of snoozing the alarm.

I also have to go to the store to get all my groceries to start eating more decently and protein dense, but i am ok with doing that somewhere this weekend. I am in no rush.

So today i did:

• 30 seconds Decline front plank 
• 1x12 Crunch with leg raise
• 1x8 Long arm crunch
• 1x15 Dead bug (no arms)  
• 1x12 Dumbbell side bend
• 1x12 Seated barbell twist (4kg)
• 1x20 Bicycle crunch 
• 1x12 Weighted Russian twist 

I just went to the weight training guide website and clicked on core and selected some exercises that i wanted to do. I took about 30-90 second breaks based on feel. I think i finished it in about 15 minutes. I had two longer breaks because i got distracted, so in total it actually took me like 30+ minutes lol.

Brainstorm + schedule

I'm brainstorming right now what to do for food. I am thinking never to eat over 1,200 calories, since this will be for fat loss, so i have to be in a calorie deficit. And then a minimum of 60 grams of protein, but preferably a minimum of 80. 

I checked some of my old food diaries and on the days where i get around 1,200 calories and 100g+ protein i eat oatmeal with protein powder, protein snacks (protein chips/bars etc.), and pasta with seitan. Especially the seitan is only like 164 calories and 30g of protein. Compared to tofu minced meat with 178 calories and 19g of protein. So i think i need to invest in seitan.

Next to that, i was thinking to maybe, at the start of my day, make a protein shake made out of espresso powder + protein powder + cacao powder. It will be less calories than oatmeal, cause the oatmeal is like 166 calories and only gives 11g protein. The protein isn't even my problem in that equation, it is more the calories VS protein problem that i have.

And then i have the protein yogurt i sometimes eat, which is like 56 calories and 9.4g of protein per 100 grams. So i could eat more of that cause the calorie-protein ratio is amazing.

I just need to go to the store and stock up on those products lol. I'm checking online now too to see if i can get some good deals.

And then now for working out... i checked some of my old posts and saw the Will video i posted where he did leg day every 2 days (48 hours). So i will adopt that too. If a day falls in the weekend i will do a leg day at home, if it falls on a weekday i will do my leg day in the gym. Then i want to do upper body as well, at home, and then core days. And then i will run whenever i walk the dog at night. So it will look like this (starting tomorrow): 

Leg day
Fri→ Sun (1) → Wed → Sat (2) → Tue → Fri (3) → Mon → Thu → Sun (4)

Upper body
Sat (1) → Thu (2) → Wed (3) → Tue (4)

Core
Thu (1) → Tue → Fri (2)→ Mon → Thu → Sun (3) → Wed → Sat (4)

I just have to lock in super hard for a month. I know i can do this. And i hope that once i get the ball rolling i can keep going. Aaaaaaaaaaa. I at least want to keep going with the leg days, everything else can die a quiet death for all i care. I need my booty back and i miss my thicker thighs. 

External pressure, yay

At the beginning of this week i made the decision to only eat dinner every day, because i constantly feel bloated. This started happening shortly after Christmas. I think it's because i bought a lot of food for Christmas, and the weeks following Christmas i was eating all of it. I also stopped taking my ADHD medication, so it was also easier for me to overeat. I also made a new planning for working out, but i keep not doing it for some reason.

But behold! Today i got a letter from my psych place. They want to do a bodily screening to figure out where my anxiety problems come from, and that my body and/or health in general can aid to it. So, that will happen on the 16th of february! Which is 26 days away (almost 1 month). So i have 1 month time to shed weight and get healthier, because they WILL weigh me. And as previously seen, i care a lot about that. And i need external motivation to get things done.

SO... i was already thinking that maybe on my nightly walks with my dogs i will start running. She usually likes to take her time by sniffing things and we are often outside for 30-60 minutes. If i just do interval running (so run/walk cycles) i can build up my stamina, and then i can also do cardio again in the gym. Since i walk my dog at night almost every night, this will be a good thing i think.

I then also need to start lifting again. For some reason i constantly fret about it. I don't know why. It annoys the heck out of me, so i hope that the february appointment adds to the external pressure and overrides the anxiety. I guess we will see!

So i will start counting calories again, and i might do some fluid fasts or extreme low calorie diets so i can get my desired body back again.