I had DOMs yesterday. I can still kinda feel them today. Might go to the gym tomorrow. I also got an email that i will be having an appointment on Tuesday evening with my neighbor and mediators. Not looking forward to it, actually kinda nervous. Also, still didn't hear from my ex-"best friend". This just confirms i made the right choice. I'm not the type of person who will go like "omg i told you not to contact me" and then they contact me anyways. I told him not to message me. I never said "dont come at my door". And as i said, an apology would've been nice. A letter. A card. Anything. But i don't know why i, even after all this time, still have expectations. I never got a proper thank you for letting him live here. Never got a thank you for helping him settle here and with all his paperwork. Nothing. I think he is secretly grateful i cut him out so now he can spend his 3-4 week vacation with his new gf and he doesn't have to spend time with me. Whatever. Am i a bit salty? Of course. Should i be? Hell no!
The weird thing is that i actually feel much better not having him in my life. He was such a drain. Of course he was a massive drain when he lived here, but also once he moved out i realized that whenever we would hang out he would drain the energy and life out of me. I don't know why. I never felt inspired or excited around him. I think it probably has to do with how he would always lie and didn't have a stable sense of self. He was always negative, rarely had anything positive to say. I never saw him getting genuinely excited over anything. It was like he was constantly faking emotions. It was very strange behavior.
But because he was my best friend i just waved it away as being one of his quirks; but i think i realize now that it is probably something deeper. For a while now i've been thinking that he might be sociopathic or something. I know he definitely has something wrong with him, and he is highly manipulative, but i could never really put my finger on it, but i think that is what it is.
I also realized something else and i feel so stupid. When we became friends 10 years ago he had a pretty tightknit group of friends from his school that lived in his neighborhood, but he started isolating himself from them. I told him to hang out with them, but he said he didn't feel a need to. I would sometimes play online games with him and his friends, but at one point he stopped inviting them, and then at one point he never even mentioned them anymore.
I remember one time his friend came at his door to ask if he wanted to play basketball with him and a couple of other guys and my friend became angry?! I was so confused as why he became angry. He apparently yelled at him that he shouldn't just show up at his door and stuff like that, which i found incredibly strange. It's pretty normal for a neighborhood friend to come at your door and to ask to hang out?! All he had to say was "no thanks maybe another time". Fucking weirdo.
So yeah, i think he literally isolated himself and cut off all his friends once we grew our friendship and he totally cut them out once we started hanging out together more. As i said, at a point where he wouldn't even mention them anymore even if i would ask about them (he would just kinda wave away the question). And i think he is doing the same with me now too. As they say: a big predictor of someone's future behavior is their past behavior. And it rings so, so true. It's crazy. I kind of feel stupid now. I just thought it had to do with being young and just transitioning from teen to young adult and maybe wanting other things from life i dont know. But now i realize he was just always that person. Maybe he realized i was giving him less energy. Maybe he realized he could never be what i wanted him to be in terms of friendship (or more idk) once he moved here, and he has been looking for an exit all along. Either way, it is very strange. I definitely need to keep people's past behavior in mind.
Some time ago i made some new friends and i grew pretty close with one guy. We had a lot in common but then i got to know him more and apparently he lost his license for a year cause he smoked weed and then drove a car, he made a horrible comment about some random older lady we passed on the street "holy shit, she was f*cking ugly" and he sexted with the girlfriend of his best friend for over 6 months. All these things indicated to me that he wasn't that good of a guy. And it made me think that if he screwed over his best friend like that, what would he do to me if we stay friends? What if i get old and become really ugly? Things like that. It's not really an indicator of someone who i would want around me, so i cut him off.
I think i have come to a point in my life where i don't want to waste my time and energy anymore on people who don't serve me. That sounds bad, maybe i should word it differently lol. I mean more like... i would like happiness, kindness, positivity, energetic energy, motivation etc. from people. Every time when i think about my life i usually have my most fond memories of complete strangers rather than friends or romantic relationships. I think it is time to change that. I know it is time to change that.
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