Today i wanted to go to the gym. Kind of like any other day. Actually, last week on Friday i wanted to go to the gym, but my period was 1 week early and it was pretty heavy, so i decided not to go. Today i also wanted to go as i said, but i apparently had a meeting in the morning i forgot about and then i couldn't focus all my brain power anymore on going to the gym. But i am sick and tired of making excuses, cause let's be honest, anxiety or not, that's all they are. Excuses. Me not going for whatever reason is literally just an excuse to not go. So i got rid of the "i have to go to the gym" part and i just worked out at home. I didn't do anything too extensive. I did try to push the weights somewhat cause i do want to feel a burn, so i did that.
On Thursday (or else Friday) i want to try and go to the gym again. If i again just feel too anxious i will just turn off my brain and work out at home. Cause normally i will just sit around and go like "why am i not going to the gym" and blablabla, instead i can just say "okay, no gym, but still working out!" and then i just do weight stuff at home. It's better than nothing.
One of the reasons i feel so motivated is for a plethora of things but one of the main things is that i am losing the cushion i had on my butt. It was so nice to sit, and now i start to feel bones and stuff again. I think it is bones at least idk? But yeah, i want the fluff back. I also miss when my thighs were thicker and felt stronger. Idk overall my body just felt nicer and i miss it a lot. So i try to keep this feeling in my mind and i try to override the anxiety.
Anyways, enough rambling! This is what i did today. Let's continue this streak! :)
- 10 minute pre-stretch
- Hip thrust 1x8>10>12 (20kg)
- RDL 3x12 (10kg)
- Goblin squat 1x8>10>12 (7.5kg)
- (later) 20 minute post-stretch
The hip thrust and RDL were with the barbell and the goblin squat was with my 7.5kg dumbbell. I also have to keep my protein which i will do on that website. I did some light stretching after my workouts and walked the dog. I will do some more proper stretching later (before bed).
Tomorrow and Wednesday will be core and upper body!
Tomorrow my friend will come by cause he is off from work for the week. We might do some yard work at my place, depending on how the weather is. I will force him to participate in my upper body day lol, but it also depends when he will come. If he will come by later in the day, i might just do core workouts before he comes over, and then on Wednesday i'll do upper body and then Thursday/Friday lower body.
I don't necessarily want to workout my upper body anymore cause i didn't like it when my arms got really big, but i did like my back when it was more toned, so i am just gonna keep focusing on that. But i do miss the strength i had when i also did upper body, cause last week i did some grocery shopping and i was really struggling with the heavy bags so i would like to become a bit stronger again in that regard. And also i want to pick up cardio again. Cardio is so beneficial! I just hate going to the gym for cardio cause i feel like i can never push myself enough cause i don't want to look like a disgusting mess. I hope that i soon make more money with my job so i can buy a nice treadmill for myself and put it in my backroom/shed and just do cardio at home. That way i can also watch like a movie or something lol. Doesn't sound too bad!!!
I am also trying to feel more comfortable in my skin. Like, for example, i am thinking about getting a little bit of lip filler to fix what my surgeon broke. I don't know if i talked about that here, but some years ago i had a jaw surgery and my surgeon made the stitches too tight and it pulls my lips inwards. So my lips are like 2/3rd gone and they lost their fluff. I look really weird without lipstick or lipliner on and it makes me very self conscious. I never thought about lip filler before, and i am kind of against the "society standard of looking pretty", but i am not doing it to look pretty, i am doing it to look like myself again. And if i feel better when looking in the mirror, it might also be easier to go outside and to the gym for example. That's just my hypothesis. I haven't made an actual decision yet whether i will do it or not (i find it terrifying tbh, cause i am scared something is going to go wrong again), so it is just an idea. I've also talked to some other women about this issue and i've seen a lot of results that look natural with filler (so not the overfilled type duck lips lol). I also want to see a dermatologist about the redness of my skin (rosacea).
I btw found out there are these things called soy protein crispies, which is literally just puffed edamame and it has sooooo much protein for such little calories. I told myself i can buy a bag or two when i start working out again so i guess i will order them today! I always loved the lion bars back when i was a kid, and i love anything with puffed rice, and this is very similar. I just have to figure out how i can prepare it. Maybe melt some dark chocolate and eat it as little treats throughout the day. I do like to snack... maybe i can also make a vegan cheese powder and eat them like cheetos. Idk the sky is the limit! People say that they are tasteless so i can also add them to yogurt or whatever. I think it will be easier for me to get my protein in without worrying too much about it that way. I have honestly been looking for that kind of snack since forever and i cannot believe i only found out about it now. I guess i didn't find out about it because most bodybuilders do not eat soy products... and also since it is literally just puffed edamame it is 100% natural. No weird stuff added. It's perfect! I would eat normal edamame, which i sometimes do, but it always makes me so full so fast. So i can never eat enough to get my protein in for the day on just edamame alone. But yeah, there's so many ways that i can eat the puffed edamame that i am really excited for it! It's also cheaper than buying protein bars that are ridiculously expensive now. You only get 20 grams of protein and you pay anything between 2 and 5 bucks for it. While the cheapest bag i could find with the crispies is like 350 grams for like 4 bucks and it's over 200 grams of protein for 1 bag lol. So totally worth it!!! If i really enjoy it i can buy it in bulk and then it will be a bit cheaper (9.50 a kilo instead of 11.30), so yeah im excited! Lately ive been snacking a lot on those plain cookies with a layer of dark chocolate on it. They give like 3 protein and a bazillion calories, so i hope that these crispies + melted chocolate can replace those cravings!
I also found a new meat replacement product i really like from the brand Planted. They make really good stuff and it has a lot of protein! I like to put some french fries in the oven and then also the Planted stuff (usually the kebab) and then i put it together in a bowl and i put a little bit of mayo and ketchup on it and then i whisk it together and then i eat it. It's sooo good! Especially when i crave something fried and unhealthy. I weigh everything so i don't overindulge but it's so easy to make and soo good! I just think that the brand is leaving the store soon since they are pretty expensive (i usually buy it in bulk when it is on discount), and lately they have continually been on discount. That usually happens when a product disappears :( Fingers crossed that it wont happen!
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