Hooks

I am debating whether i should go to the gym today or work-out at home. Cause remember in my AAAAAA post i said that i saw Will Tennyson do Tiktok hacks and he used those triangle cable machine attachments things? Yeah, i was on the cusp of buying them. I had some tabs open, but then i saw that you could buy these hand straps that had hooks on them. I was like "no way". So i bought one of those instead. I got them yesterday and have not tried them out yet. Maybe i could go to the gym today and then try them out after at home? Seems like a solid plan i think.

i wanted a cute img with my hooks so asked AI to make it cute but i didn't tell it that it couldn't add text. it made me laugh so hard so i am keeping it like this lol. laugh with me!

I haven't written here for a while cause my upstairs neighbors totally effed up my routine again, on top of that, i stopped talking to my friend again. I think i am 100% done with him right now. The only thing that i will miss of him is the fact that he would go everywhere with me if i would ask, but i'm sure i can find other friends who can fill that gap.

I can feel my butt bones again when i sit down which sucks cause i was starting to get plump again, ugh. But hey, summer is over now! Yesterday we had a super warm but grey day, and then in the evening there was an insane rain + thunder storm. It was pretty cool. But that means that colder days are ahead of us and i like that. I am sick and tired of being sweaty and warm all the time. And usually it also means less people outside.

So i guess i will just go to the gym today. I wanted to go last week, but it showed that it was super busy for some reason?! Even though it showed that basically no one was there on the friday evenings whenever i went. I went on the Google thing again just now and it shows that basically every day in the evening it is crowded except for Fridays. It is almost 6PM now, and i am drinking a protein coffee drink. I might eat an apple for some energy and then stretch and go around 7PM or something. Oh yeah, i need to charge my phone! Cause it has like 20% battery lol.

Edit: i ended up not going to the gym. I was distracted and then i felt it was too late to go. So i did leg day at home instead!

• 1x8 Bulgarian split squat (7.5kg) 
• 3x10 RDL (20kg)
• 3x10Barbell hip thrust (20kg)
• 3x15Shallow squats (bar only)

I tried to do Bulgarians first and they felt super effective, a bit too much maybe. I felt like if i would do more reps i would pull a muscle. So after doing 1x10 i went on to RDLs. 

I first did my RDLs without the straps and the second time i tried them with. I hated the straps!!! I felt like i was going to break my wrists and the weight somehow felt heavier?! Maybe i should try it out on lighter weights first to see if that feels better. I stopped after 1 rep and then tried to just hold them in my hand while the hooks held the weight, that felt better, but more unstable, and didn't feel very safe so i just did it with my bare hands again. My forearms hurt now lol.

So in my old post Still Sore (April 10, 2023) i briefly mentioned that my best friend was being an asshole to me and i needed some time away from him. I never really specified why, but it seems like it is a reoccurring pattern with him, so i just want to briefly address it. When i stopped talking to him in 2023 it was because he met some girl during his job and he became a total asshole towards me. That really caught me off guard and i told him to stop. He had displayed similar behavior in the past that whenever we would hang out and there was a cute blonde in his vicinity he would start being an asshole to me. I told him about this, but he kept going and was just acting really weird, so in 2023 i stopped talking to him.

Then a little while later he moved here, and oh god... lol. Anyways i might have mentioned it? I think at first he thought that we would maybe become a couple or something. I kept waving away those thoughts from him but he became very clingy. He would very often lay against me on the couch when we would watch TV and i don't mind being cuddly with friends when neither of us are in a relationship, but he would sometimes try to touch me. I would always tell him to stop, but it was very annoying and i felt like there was a certain pressure on me that i had to be someone he wanted me to be, that i didn't want to be. 

After he finally got settled here and he started getting blue balls (i suppose) he started looking into online dating. He first met some girl that lived thousands of miles away from him and he was crazy about her (they only talked for like 2 weeks at that point), said weird things like "can i park anywhere legally here and sleep in my car?" lol no. At that time he was also kind of dismissive of me, often didn't want to hang out or do things, would not talk to me as much, and was overall secretive. After less than a month he one day started hanging out with me again and i had to ask a few days later what happened to that girl. Well... she stopped talking to him. He never said why.

This same thing happened again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. Except that only the first two lived far away, he then grew a brain and started talking to girls that were more in his area. But one by one, he became obsessed with them and then something would happen and they would stop talking. And he did the same with all of them. I guess he would love bomb them, hype them up, make them seem like a better match than they probably were, and ignore me. This was such a pattern that he didn't even have to tell me that he met another girl on Tinder, cause i could just tell by the way he would not talk to me anymore about anything. I would get maybe a text in the morning and in the evening. He would totally disappear from my life.

On one hand i liked the quietness, but on the other hand... i sometimes need my friend you know? So now he had met another girl, which i already had a suspicion of cause he was ignoring me again. When i confronted him about it he just send a smiley face and that was it. He had a date with her and that was all fine and dainty but she ended up living like 2.5 hours away. I didn't know these things at first. What bothered me was that apparently i found out about that the day after. And i thought he went by car, but apparently he travelled with public transport. And while he was travelling he didn't message me once. NOT ONCE. YOUR BEST FUCKING FRIEND?! AFTER A DATE. He could've at least written to me "date went well! i'll tell you more tomorrow. omw home now" like something. But nothing. Why?

So i was already annoyed about that but whatever. Then Saturday rolls around, i ask him how his date was, he talked about her, didn't ask me how i was but ok. Then the rest of the day he ignored me again. Sunday comes around, we had made plans to go to some stores, he texts me in the morning "gonna meet up with the girl again". He didn't even tell me her name. And on top of that just totally blows me off. No sorry. No nothing. His best friend. Cool. Cool.

So i just send him a message "alright i see how it is. i guess you will talk to me again when she disappears. cool. never message me again". And then i blocked him.

I basically blocked him on everything except email, i believe. I thought he would at least try to reach out in that way, or maybe come to my house and apologize at least. But nothing. It's not like that would mend our relationship, but it would've at least been nice to know that i meant something to him, but it is so clear that when he has his eyes on someone that nothing else matters. And i know that he doesn't have a lot of friends, except his work friends who he rarely texts. So like... when you text her you can't shoot me a quick message?

And then i thought about all his other "conquests" and how he wouldn't eat or sleep whenever he would talk to them. He was always tired. He lost a lot of weight. He would be late for work every day. When he would come home he would fall asleep. During the weekend he would only sleep because he would be texting them all night during the week so he needed to catch up on sleep. Things like that. He would even skip eating food just so he could text with them. Literally MENTAL. He is acting like a 13 year old boy having his first crush/girlfriend THIS MAN IS A WHOLE 26 YEARS OLD, DUDE.

I then realized it was time to cut him off. Even if he would break up with her, it wouldn't matter cause another girl will come along and he will stop making me a priority again. And it's not like i need to be a priority 247 but i basically put my own life on hold for 2 or so years so he could come live at my place and be totally useless.

I regret so much. But i can't dwell. The best i can do now is just cut him out of my life and focus on mine.