Sick!

So, ever since my friend left i feel really nauseated and my stomach hurts. I thought it was because i forced myself to wake up early that i felt so horrible, but no, it is definitely something else. On Tuesday morning (yesterday) i woke up at 8AM and i threw up. I then spend the rest of the day in bed sleeping. When i got up i checked out my stomach in the mirror and it was fully bloated. I am afraid now that i have a vitamin D deficiency again. I swear, this happens every time when summer comes along? Why??? I have been walking my dog almost every day during the day when the sun is out + i was in the yard a lot with my friend... my body wasn't made for sunny weather or something lol.

Anyways, i am now taking 2 tablets of vitamin D in the morning and then 1 in the evening and i hope that my bloated stomach will go away soon. I am not hungry at all, which is annoying. I also keep burping which is disgusting, honestly.

I still want to work-out, and i might just do it. I know it's Wednesday... but then i can work-out again at home on Saturday. The sucky thing is that on Monday it is a national holiday here so i will probably go out with friends. The gym will be closed. So then i will have to see if i can go on Tuesday... ahhhhh. I hate all these appointments and holidays. Please make them stop!!!

I did push through and ended up working out:

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x10>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 1x12 (10kg) 2x12 (14kg)
• Goblin squat 3x12 (7.5kg)

It went pretty well. The weights still kind of feel light. Especially the RDL bummed me out so i upped the weight. I hate doing the goblin squat so i might do daily squats again and then move on to doing back squats as i used to do. It's crazy to k now that i can do 14kg RDLs with ease!!! Even though i haven't worked out that hard in the last few months. It's crazy how much a body can hold on to strength. Good to see tho!

Getting back to it

Okay so last week after i did my stuff, my friend came by and stayed for almost the whole week which was honestly pretty bad for me, but also a little bit good. We got some yard work in which was nice, and we got pretty far. But i am behind now on my actual work, which is not good. My sleeping schedule is fucked, because often we would hang out the whole day and evening, and then he would sleep and i would work until the early morning. Not recommended tbh. I forced myself today to wake up at 10 AM and now i feel horrible, but i just have to go through it i guess.

I already can tell i've been losing weight over the course of the last 1-2 weeks cause my pants are not as tight anymore. I think this is because i have been focusing more on protein again and i am counting my calories which is good! I actually started to count calories again even before last week, so obviously that is working out for me yay!

Because i feel so shit today, i will only force myself to stretch, and maybe do like a short core routine. Tomorrow i want to try and go to the gym. I have an appointment anyways in the afternoon, so if i can go before the appointment; that would be great! Otherwise i will have to do it at home: no excuses.

I am kind of annoyed that i had such a good start tho and then it kinda got ruined because my friend decided to stay over the whole week, ugh. I need to learn to say no or go away i guess. I tried at one point to work-out with him, but i slept so shittily the whole time that i literally couldn't move my body much, and the yard seemed like a better option.

But hey, gonna get back into it again. And even though i feel like absolute shit today, i will do SOMETHING. This is what i want to focus on: something.

Besides that, i have to finish one of my videos this week. I actually had to get it at the beginning of this month and i still don't have it done, so that sucks. I also have to get my house in better shape cause i have an important appointment coming up soon and it will be at my house, so i can go in cleaning mode i guess. And i have to get through my laundry. It is honestly just mainly my whole sock collection, but it is just such a pain to wash them and then to have to individually dry them since i don't have a dryer. I have two of those octopuses from the IKEA that are honestly great, but it is still such a pain to go through that lol. But the weather has been nice so i can at least hang it out to dry outside. So i should honestly just get on it.

I also am thinking about getting a separate storage closet type of thing for all my gym clothes. I don't know where i want to put it yet or what i want it to look like, but i think it will help me out with keeping things sorted, so i might have to check out the website or Pinterest for inspiration. Ah, i will never be bored!

WE'RE BACK!!!

Today i wanted to go to the gym. Kind of like any other day. Actually, last week on Friday i wanted to go to the gym, but my period was 1 week early and it was pretty heavy, so i decided not to go. Today i also wanted to go as i said, but i apparently had a meeting in the morning i forgot about and then i couldn't focus all my brain power anymore on going to the gym. But i am sick and tired of making excuses, cause let's be honest, anxiety or not, that's all they are. Excuses. Me not going for whatever reason is literally just an excuse to not go. So i got rid of the "i have to go to the gym" part and i just worked out at home. I didn't do anything too extensive. I did try to push the weights somewhat cause i do want to feel a burn, so i did that.

On Thursday (or else Friday) i want to try and go to the gym again. If i again just feel too anxious i will just turn off my brain and work out at home. Cause normally i will just sit around and go like "why am i not going to the gym" and blablabla, instead i can just say "okay, no gym, but still working out!" and then i just do weight stuff at home. It's better than nothing.

One of the reasons i feel so motivated is for a plethora of things but one of the main things is that i am losing the cushion i had on my butt. It was so nice to sit, and now i start to feel bones and stuff again. I think it is bones at least idk? But yeah, i want the fluff back. I also miss when my thighs were thicker and felt stronger. Idk overall my body just felt nicer and i miss it a lot. So i try to keep this feeling in my mind and i try to override the anxiety.

Anyways, enough rambling! This is what i did today. Let's continue this streak! :)

• 10 minute pre-stretch
• Hip thrust 1x8>10>12 (20kg)
• RDL 3x12 (10kg)
• Goblin squat 1x8>10>12 (7.5kg)
• (later) 20 minute post-stretch 

The hip thrust and RDL were with the barbell and the goblin squat was with my 7.5kg dumbbell. I also have to keep my protein which i will do on that website. I did some light stretching after my workouts and walked the dog. I will do some more proper stretching later (before bed).

Tomorrow and Wednesday will be core and upper body!

Some changes per April 2026

• my hair is now a white blonde
• still using Finch but i have to reorganize all my tasks
• using/playing an app called Love & Deepspace lol (my fav are Zayne and Caleb)
• 3 cats are now part-timely in my possession (long story)
• got a job coach to help me with getting my own Youtube channel going again
• i am now an official editor for a Youtuber i have been watching since Youtube became a thing basically
• still struggling with anxiety/agoraphobia which makes the gym difficult
• trying to get my yard together + building my own fence!!! (update soon i hope)