Food

I have been sleeping horribly the last few days and i also didn't have access to my ADHD medication which made my days very chaotic. On Tuesday i managed to do my upper-body day and yesterday i didn't do my core day. Today i was supposed to go to the gym and do leg day but since i woke up pretty late so i don't think that's gonna happen anymore. I am now thinking about doing leg day at home. The weather is pretty warm so i have to wait till later tonight to do it. Tomorrow i might go to the gym to do cardio and core. I feel like my body looks pretty good right now except for my stomach. I have the "stomach lines" but for some reason there is a giant blob of fat on the middle of my stomach. I think this might be because i have been eating a lot of bread the last few days lol. Next week i'll go on a stricter diet where i'll plan out all my meals so i won't be seduced by the thought of bread. I might do that today so i can go to the store tomorrow and get most of the foods that i need to start my "cleanse" next week. My biggest problem is usually eating enough in terms of calories, cause either i eat too much or too little. But maybe it is good that i will plan out my meals since i haven't really been hungry the last few weeks. So even eating foods that taste good don't make me feel good anymore. Planning out my meals will help i guess. If i will eat one protein bar and drink one protein smoothie i'm already half way to my daily protein intake. So if i just get that in my daily routine i think i will be fine.

It has been a long, long time

Gosh, it feels like i haven't written in ages. Which is kind of true tbh. A lot has happened in my personal life and this summer was just one big pile of chaos. Besides that, there was a lot of rain. So not a lot of summer to be had. Gym has been going on and off. Last week i felt very motivated and i even went to the gym to finally do my cardio day (walking up hill). It went really well but i was really sweaty lol. This week i feel demotivated again which made me want to write here. I looked through some pictures of my body on my phone and my body looked at its best in May. I was very lean, but my butt looked nice and firm and my legs looked nice too. I don't know where my body is at right now. It feels flabby. I think that is because i haven't been doing any core days.

I also had my period last week, and i believe that the week after your period you are at your weakest. So maybe that also has to do with me not feeling motivated. I've been reading through some of my posts here to see what i exactly was doing and it seems that working out at home with a mix of working out at the gym is very important. Right now i have mainly been doing either/or. I have been working out at home a lot since i've been slacking at the gym tho and i can almost squat 20kg now. My romanian deadlift is 20kg and i could probably do more but i need to buy wrist straps.

My upper body has also become stronger. I can easily hang on my pull-up bar now and lift my knees without losing my breath. I can tell my body is stronger and healthier, but it doesn't really look that way.

I also have been losing my appetite these last few weeks so keeping up with my protein is a pain in the ass as well.

Today (monday) i was supposed to go to the gym for leg day but i didn't go. I have just been feeling out of it. Tomorrow is upper body day. I'm thinking to go to the gym to do a quick cardio routine and then maybe do LAT pulldowns. For some reason i don't want to do LAT pulldowns anymore. I feel like i am doing it wrong and i look like an idiot at the gym, even though that is probably not true and nobody is looking at me. But since i have been feeling out of it i will just stay at home. I have leg days now reserved for Monday and Thursday because i usually have DOMs that last for days. Although i feel like i had DOMs as well back when i worked out more and i worked out 3 days a week. I still think i should do 3 leg days but i don't know how to schedule them. 

Monday>Leg day at gym
Tuesday>Upper body at home
Wednesday>Cardio + core
Thursday>Leg day at gym
Friday>Cardio + core
Saturday>Leg day at home

My only problem is that usually with leg day at home my legs hurt for at least 3 days. So idk if i should do leg day at the gym on Monday/Wednesday and then Leg day at home on Friday. Uggghhghghghg. Idk but i need to figure it out. I could say that i just do monday leg day at the gym and then the week after that on tuesday and i keep scooting everything but the problem is that i have so much anxiety about going to the gym and i don't know when it will be crowded and stuff.

After having had to deal with the youngsters at my gym for some time i started going at around 4PM and there were way better gym people. But the other day when i went to do cardio, at around 5PM it started to become really crowded. Idk i feel like no one at the gym even has a proper schedule except for a few people and people just come and go lol. I wish i could stop caring but i cant because the gym is so small and people hogging certain machines is really annoying.

Anyways, for this week i will keep the schedule i just made. Which means upper body at home tomorrow and gym on Wednesday! I might do some squats before bed tonight tho.

Laaaaaaazy

So i've been kinda lazy cause of the warm weather. It alternates a lot between unbearably hot and then other days where it is so-so. This puts my entire schedule in a rut and i don't know what to do anymore. I also got my doggie now so at least we take two daily kinda long walks which is nice. She's not a dog that needs lots of attention which is also nice (she enjoys the attention tho lol), but she sheds A LOT of hair. I have to brush her daily and even then i still have to vacuum once or twice a day. She also likes to dig so she sometimes brings a lot of sand inside that i then also have to vacuum up, so that takes some time out of my day as well which can be annoying. She is not the reason why i don't work out tho or why i rarely go to the gym anymore, but i think it is just the overwhelmedness of everything and not being able to properly section my days and just deciding to spend time with her at home feels more productive than going to the gym where i will feel anxious and out of place.

The other day (on Tuesday) i went to the gym at 3 in the afternoon and it was about as crowded as usual but there were more serious people who weren't staring at me or other people and just minding their own business so the environment was a bit more bearable to be in. I still have anxiety about going tho.

Anyways, i do one arm/shoulder/back day a week and then one or two leg/glute days. I have totally been neglecting my core AND IT IS NOTICEABLE. This has to change. So, i was thinking to do core every other day for the coming 12 days or so. Before i did core 1-2 days a week and i looked super good so i kinda want that back. I could even just do core stuff the minute i wake up so i don't have to worry about it the rest of the day. I don't know, but i am determined to do something about it. And i'll start tomorrow or maybe even today if i am bored tonight.

I also need to start eating better cause i just eat whatever~ and not really keeping tabs on how much protein i am eating. I have been eating more carbs and that also has to change. I am just about to walk to the store with my doggie to get some food for the weekend and i will look at what i can do for food for the coming days. The problem is also that i very often eat at shitty times and when it is really warm i usually am not in the mood to cook dinner around dinner time. So i eat dinner super late. I just need to start eating dinner earlier i guess that could help. Ugh, so many things working against me and i have been struggling with motivation a lot these days too so it sucks. My house is a mess as well. I cleaned it up last week and it looked so good and i made it a mess again. I hate having ADHD.

My bike got stolen!!!

Remember how in my last post i said something was going to go wrong because everything is going so well? Well, that happened not long after i posted. I went outside to put the trash out and i realized my flowers had been moved, which i found strange. I thought that maybe someone put them there cause they blew over because of the wind. But then i realized my bike was gone. Someone stole my fcking bike!!! I have two bikes in front of my house, my upstairs neighbor has a bike in front of their house. The neighbor next to me has a bike in front of their house too. The neighbors next to that have a motorcycle, but they decided to steal MY bike. And not only that, they also stole one of my fucking flowers. I think i am more mad about that. The bike also has sentimental value cause it was my grandma's. And it has a little seat cover on it that i also got from my grandma. I walked for an hour around my neighborhood to see if they dumped it somewhere but i didn't find anything. There's one more neighborhood that i can go to that is full with trailer trash people/asocial people. That is the only place i haven't checked yet. I thought to maybe stay up tonight and see if they will come back to steal more of my flowers. I am livid!!! I still have to go to the inner city to go to the store and it is too warm to walk tbh. I might take the bus. I did find a new bike for 20 bucks that has something wrong with the behind wheel but that is fine, i can fix that. 20 bucks for a bike is nothing. I send a message to the seller and am waiting for a reply now. Hopefully they reply soon so i can pick it up today.

Update: I found my bike back. It was parked at a bike parking lot near a big facility near my house. It wasn't there the first time i checked. The lock was still on it and so was everything else. The tires had sand on it so i have no idea where it has been tbh. I am just glad that i have it back! The new bike that i have is pretty cool cause of the big basket at the front; it helps a lot when i have to do grocery shopping, but it bikes like shiiiiit. I think its cause the cogwheel is very small. I asked the bike repair guy to fix it but i am not sure if he did and i am also not sure if it is fixable at all, but i don't have to worry about that too much right now because i have my OG bike back and it is the bestest bike ever cause it bikes so well! Such a smooth bike!!!

Rest day (horrible DOMs)

In my previous post i caught you up on what i have been doing this month. The gym becomes less and less attractive to me because of the people there and also the warm weather. The warm weather mainly attributes to it being really warm (doh) but then having to wear less clothes. My period is coming up so i have been pretty bloated the last couple of days and it makes me insecure. When i went to the gym the other day i went in a crop tank top with baggy pants and it made me feel pretty good. I just don't want to go in shorts or whatever and i feel like people will judge me, which is silly, i know. People will always judge you no matter what. But it's just a very body conscience thing, especially cause there are so many young people at my gym and i hate it. I am still trying to figure out the "quiet times" but now that summer vacation is around the corner i feel like it is becoming worse. I am also extremely pale and i don't tan easily which attributes to me not wanting to show my legs in the gym lol. 

I should just try to go every day and at least do cardio (cause i really need to lose some fat around my waist) and then that way i can also gauge if there are many people. I think usually it is the most quiet around 12, every day, except probably the weekend.

I also wanted to go to the gym today to do leg day but my DOMs are insane. That's why i wanted to keep my squatting leg days and stuff for in the weekend lol. So today i will take a rest day and i will see how i feel tomorrow cause then i'll just go to the gym. It seems very not-crowded on Fridays since it's weekend and no one spends time at the gym then.

And on Saturday i will be able to pick up my new lovely dog! I am super excited for it. I have been cleaning my apartment for 2 weeks now cause i want everything to be perfect for her. Today i want to go to the store to get her some new bowls and stuff. And i still have to clean the rug in my living room cause i had a dog i baby sat a few weeks ago and she lost a lot of hair. All that hair is in the rug and wont come out!!! I read on the internet that you can remove it more easily with laundry detergent so i need to try that. 

I also want to really get my backyard ready for when it becomes warmer weather so i can sit outside with my dog. I need to get a bigger extension cable so i can sit outside with my laptop and at least work on stuff while hanging out with her. I believe last summer i saw this huge bed/chair thing that you could put in your backyard. It was like a little dome you could sit in, and if you are small enough, even lay in. It was big enough that you could drape a mosquito net over it to keep mosquitos out and i really wanted to buy it but it was so, so expensive. I made a picture of it and i still dream of it every summer. It would be perfect to hang out in with my doggie and work with it on my laptop especially since it is a dome, you wouldn't have to worry about the sun and stuff.

Ah i keep rambling haha. I still feel like i have so much to do before the dog comes but i basically have everything in working order. I might need to go to the store to make sure i have enough groceries that will last me the entirety of next week so i don't have to leave her alone at home next week to go grocery shopping. I also don't know how she will do alone, if she is destructive, if she is a barker. I don't know anything about her!!!

But yeah anyways, my DOMs today are horrible. When i want to sit down on the toilet i have to hold on to something to lower myself down LOL, and the same when getting back up again. Doing squats and RDLs and stuff really kill me every time, but that's a good thing. I realized that my body has changed a lot the last few months and i am really proud of myself. I also realized how much my glute muscles have grown. When i push down on my butt now i can't feel the bone anymore which is pretty insane. It feels like a little cushion now. Even though my butt isn't that huge, there is definitely a difference with how it was before and i am excited to see how much more it is going to change! I also see a big difference in my quads. My legs are slimmer now but the top side of my quads are bulkier. I am getting into a really nice shape and am excited to see where this will take me in the next months. I am especially excited for winter because it will be easier for me to bulk up (eat more without being self conscience about it) so it will be easier to gain muscle i think. Also, it will probably be easier to go to the gym.

All in all, i feel like a lot of good things are happening right now. I am starting to feel like my old self again. I can get stuff done. I am working out more often. I am more focused on my new dog now. I have prospects. I am excited to grow in terms of fitness, and i also hope that the next half of this year i will grow in my working field. And also i hope, of course, that i will have a nice relationship with my dog.  My best friend might move here also after summer so there are so many things i can now look forward to! I am just a bit scared cause whenever i am this happy something shitty happens that always punches me down again, but we will see. 

June!!!

AAAAAAAAAAA it's june!!! It's my birth month!!! My birthday was actually last Saturday. I had a pretty nice birthday with a unicorn cake that costed way too much money but at least i had it all too myself. I ate from it for like 4 days haha. It was a nice breakfast and dessert to have. I did work-out the last few days but didn't write about it here so i will catch you up:

Tuesday, May 30

Wanted to go to the gym today but ended up working out at home. I felt kinda weak today so didn't push myself too hard. Hip thrusts hurt my butt so i should keep the weight but should go up in reps.

• Squats 4x10 10kg 
• RDL 4x10 16kg 
• Hip thrusts 4x8 20kg 
• Bulgarians 3x10 7.5kg

Thursday, June 1

Went to the gym. Ended up starting with a higher weight in hip adductors and it was so easy. Then went down in weight at the end. I could've probably easily done 40kg. Next time i am going to start with 35 kg. At home i did RDLs.

• Hip adductors 1x15 (30kg), 1x12 (30kg), 2x12 (25kg)
• Leg press 1x15 (50kg), 2x12 (60kg), 2x10 (70kg)
• Leg extension 1x10 (20kg), 2x10 (25kg), 2x8 (30kg)
• RDL 2x12 (10kg), 2x10 (14kg) 

On Friday (June 2) I did some preparations for my birthday and on Saturday (June 3) was my birthday so i did absolutely nothing haha. My birthday was nice. It was quiet and just as i wanted it to be. I ate pizza for dinner! On Sunday i didn't do anything either. I had pizza left-overs and some other snacks for left overs so i ate like a savage haha. 

Monday, June 5

Decided to upper body day today:

• bent-over barbell row 4x10 (10kg)
• bar curl 4x12 (4kg)
• Bent over dumbbell row 3x12 (7.5kg) (single arm)
• Dumbell shoulder press 4x8 (4kg)
• sitting oblique twists with bar 3x12
• Dumbbell side bend 3x12 (7.5kg)
• Negative pull-ups 5x5

Tuesday, June 6

Wanted to go to the gym but decided against it so did leg day at home:

• Squats 4x10 12kg 
• RDL 2x12 14kg, 2x10 16kg
• Hip thrusts 4x10 20kg (next time 30kg, 10+5 weights easy)
• Bulgarians 3x10 7.5kg

Wednesday, June 7

Core day!!!

• Bicycle crunches 4x20 (per leg)
• Seated knee tuck 3x15 
• 3x15 Reversed crunch
• Dead bug 3x15 (per leg)
• 3x12 Weighted oblique twist (per side) (7.5kg)

Pentecost (core4jesus) (lol)

DOMs were better today. Arms/shoulders hurt only a little bit because of yesterday and legs are only a tiny bit more sore. Tomorrow leg day at gym again. It's Tuesday so it is usually a little bit less crowded. I ate a bit too much dinner tonight so i hope that wont bother me too much tomorrow. 

Today i did:

• Bicycle crunches 4x20 (per leg)
• Seated knee tuck 3x15 
• 3x15 Reversed crunch
• Dead bug 3x15 (per leg)
• 3x12 Weighted oblique twist (per side) (7.5kg)
• 3x15 Dumbbell side bend (per side) (7.5kg)
• Sitting oblique twist with bar 3x12

The bicycle crunches nearly ended me. I also wanted to do leg raises but i just couldn't get myself to do them so i didn't. I have kind of been neglecting the pull-up bar all together but i can tell that i am getting a bit stronger cause i can lift myself up ever-so-slightly. I need to start doing the lat raises again at the gym but usually after i do my leg raises i feel DESTROYED.

DOMs

I kind of got distracted on Thursday and ended up not doing upper body. And on Friday i had a lot of stuff to do and i didn't go to the gym (which ended up being a good thing) but i did work-out at home. I ended up doing:

• Squats 4x10 12kg 
• RDL 4x10 20kg 
• Hip thrusts 4x8 20kg 
• Bulgarians 3x10 7.5kg

Yesterday i kind of had DOMs that became worse the later it got, but today the DOMs are insane. Today was supposed to be leg day but i wont be able to do it LOL. I think as i go heavier in weight (especially with squats etc.) i might need longer rest days. Whenever i go to the gym i am ok but at home with heavy squats.. yea. That might change when i start incorporating the smith machine at the gym tho. Maybe if i do leg day at home early in the day, and then in the evening go to the gym for cardio, it will lower my DOMs, but i will need to test that out.

I got halfway through an upper body routine yesterday but i am not gonna count that, so i will just do upper body and some core today since i wont do leg day. Tomorrow i will just do strictly core and Tuesday leg day at the gym. Also this weekend (today/tomorrow) is Pentecost, so good thing i don't have to go to the gym tomorrow hehe. 

So today i will just do the lil schedule that i had whipped up for Thursday.

Baby sitting dog!

I have a lil dog i have to dogsit until Saturday which is fun! Also, lots of stuff to do today and tomorrow. Need to set up my partial fence for my yard tomorrow for the dog i have adopted, so i need to get some stuff for that. I also need to go to the store to grocery shop (properly). Today i am going to do upper body  at home. I think i will keep the same weights as i did last time, since i haven't worked out my arms for a while and i will just write down which exercises went easiest, so i can adjust next time. My problem is also that i don't want to build huge arms, so i don't have to go up in weight too much when i work-out my my upper body!

• bent-over barbell row 4x12 (14kg)
• bar curl 4x12 (6kg)
• dumbbell shoulder press 4x12 (4kg)
• bent over lateral raise 4x12 (2kg)
• sitting oblique twists with bar 3x12
• Dumbbell side bend 3x12 (10kg)
• Negative pull-ups 5x5

Edit: i didn't work-out today lol

Wednesday at the gym

Sooo i didn't go to the gym on monday. I felt very down and had a bit of a depressive break. Yesterday i ended up going to the garden store and got some flowers and other stuff for my yard so i felt a little bit better after that. I did go to the gym today. I ended up going a bit later. Google said that almost no one would be there between 12 and 3. So i went around 12. There were like 7 people maybe. It was really nice. I also didn't go to the locker room. I just hung up my hoodie and my bag and immediately started working out. When i wanted to go home i put everything in my bag and went home. I wore my gym shoes but i was on my bike so i barely wore it outside so my shoes were clean.

• Warm-up cardio (20 minutes)

• Hip adductors 1x15 (25kg), 1x15 (30kg), 2x12 (30kg)

• Leg press 1x15 (50kg), 2x12 (60kg), 2x10 (70kg)

• Leg extension 1x10 (20kg), 2x10 (25kg), 2x8 (30kg)

• RDL 2x12 (10kg), 2x10 (14kg)

I did adductors today and i was really struggling. I don't know why they are such a difficult work-out to do whenever i haven't done them for a while. Also, the first set is always easy. Second one i struggle more and then after that it is just downhill. I wanted to do 35kg and 40kg but i couldn't manage to do so. I think next time i should pyramid down instead of pyramid up on adductors/abductors since i obviously struggle with them for some reason.

The leg press went pretty well. I could tell that i hadn't worked out in a while cause i did struggle a little bit but i ended up doing 2 reps of 10 with 70kg so i was pretty proud of that. On Friday i'm gonna see how many i can do with 80kg (probably not many).

I wanted to do cable kickbacks but someone was at the cable machine and near the other one was a group of zoomers so i didn't feel comfortable so i left those out.

Leg extension was PAIN, as always. I could barely walk after (as always). I did manage to do 30kg today so i am happy with that. Next time i am going to start with 25kg and i'm gonna try and do 35kg. I think i could easily do that.

At home i wanted to do hip thrusts but i felt more like doing squats. I first did warm up squats with just my barbell and my quads were burning so much still from the leg extension that i just did RDLs cause i didn't work out my hamstrings today, which ended up being a good conclusion to my workout! Happy!

Sunday funday

Was supposed to do arms today and core but didn't happen. Kind of annoyed with myself, at least i got a little bit of cardio with the dog. I also look more flabby again so i really want to go a bit harder this week. I just wrote out what i want to do tomorrow at the gym. I also think i will go a bit later, since now all the zoomers go at the same time to the gym which is around 10-11 i would say. But also i realized that those really young kids usually go around 12. I am supposed to trust Google it says that there is almost no one at 2-3, but last time i fell for that a group of teens came in (i guess after school). I think i'll go tomorrow at around 11.45AM then i have 20 minutes of cardio and i should be done at around 12.15PM and i should be home at around 13.15PM. It is so difficult to gauge how many people there are at the gym cause it keeps changing depending on the days that you go too. I'm pretty sure that i clearly remember there being a lot of people around 12-1 too, so idk anymore.

I do want to try to go to the gym every day, if anything just for cardio. My birthday is in early june and i want to look good lol. I also need to make an overview of what to eat so i can hit my protein intake. I bought bananas last time i was at the store and i got some vegan protein powder on discount (no idea if it's any good) so i can at least make smoothies with that.

I just really hope it is not crowded tomorrow at my chosen time. Now i am doubting myself.

Saturday leg day (at home)

Yesterday i ended up not doing my arms and core so i guess that was my rest day which means i will have to do it tomorrow. I did walk the dog tho for about 1 hour. Today i did leg day at home and i walked the dog again.

• 5x5 Barbell Squats (10kg)
• 5x5 Romanian Dead Lifts (18kg)
• 1x12 Hip Thrusts (12kg), 1x12 (14kg), 1x12 (18kg), 1x12 (20kg)
• 3x8 Bulgarian Split Squats (7.5kg)
• 3x10 Side bends (10kg)

Before i picked up the dog i was fine but once i started walking the muscle above my ankle started to hurt and it dawned on me that i had forgotten to stretch on Thursday after working out so welp. It's luckily just above the ankle and it only hurts when i'm walking, mainly. I hope i just lightly pulled the muscle and the pain goes away soon.

I opted to go back to 10kg squats again to see how that would go, and to work on my form more and it went pretty well. It is kind of insane that i couldn't even do 10kg squats a few weeks ago, and now they go kinda easy. I still have to practice how to go deeper in a squat, but it will come with time i guess.

For my RDLs i did the 18kg again, the same that i did on Thursday. They're pretty tough and i really need to get wrist straps cause i'm not sure if i could go up in weight otherwise.

Hip thrusts today went better than usual as well. Something that i realized is that when i took off my 18kg plates (2x5kg, 4x2kg) and i put on my 10kg plates that it was waaaay easier to hip thrust. I feel like it has something to do with balancing; like when i have more plates on the barbell it is more difficult. I think i could easily start with 20kg plates next time and then just put 1 or 2 kg plates on them per set, and see how that goes. I did feel it burning in my booty more and i even had some lactic acid build up at one point.

Bulgarian Split Squats went alright today. I feel that i can't do certain exercises properly because i have issues with breathing. I don't know if i have mentioned this here before but i have a deviated septum and i have a very hard time breathing through my nose; it always feels like i am breathing back into my face and like i don't get enough air. I need surgery to fix it, which i am planning on doing some time in the future, but until then i have to just live with it which kind of sucks. I only did 3 sets of 8 reps today cause i started to feel really tired and out of it.

I ended with some side bends since i have been neglecting my core the past few days and i made sure to stretch at the end.

I was thinking to try and go to the gym every day for real this time to do cardio because i feel like my body looks more flabby right now, but if the pain above my ankle doesn't go away then idk if it is a smart move to do that, but we will see.

Eating wise i need to do better as well. I haven't really been eating enough and thus not really fueling my body with enough protein. I think i will walk to the super market tomorrow with the dog to get some more protein food but we'll see how i feel, otherwise i will just bike there. I need to make an overview of what i want to eat the coming week so it is easier to prepare stuff etc.

I am also thinking about making a google doc/sheet with all my work-outs and what i do every week so i have a more proper overview of the gains that i am making.

Crowded gym of ascension :(

Yesterday the weather was nice so i was able to bike the 15km! I was so tired at the end of the day i went to bed early which enabled me to wake up early this morning. That was a good thing since the gym was only open from 9 till 1 (because of the day of Ascension or whatever it's called). When i checked in the morning how many people were at the gym around 9.30 it said there weren't that many people. When i got there (which was some time after 10) it was CROWDED!!! Literally every machine was taken. It was insanity and i hated it. Luckily most of the cardio machines weren't taken when i got there so i could at least do my warm-ups. The funny thing was that every single device that i wanted to use for my legs was empty while i was doing my warm-ups, but once i was done, that wasn't the case anymore. First i had to wait like 5-10 minutes because both the adductor and abductor machines were taken. And then when i finally joinked the abductor, the leg press was taken. The girl who was on the leg press was SO SLOW. I have never seen anyone doing leg presses like that. She would press herself, then wait 5 seconds to descend. AND EVERY SINGLE REP WENT LIKE THAT. She was on the leg press for more than 15 minutes. It was driving me insane. The only 2 machines i had left were the leg press and the leg extension and i knew my legs would give out if i were to go on the leg extension, so i had to wait. Almost 15 fucking minutes dude. I was so fucking annoyed.

• Hip abductors 1x15 (25kg), 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (35kg), 1x12 (40kg)
• Leg press 2x15 (50kg), 1x12 (60kg), 1x10 (70kg)
• Leg extension 2x10 (20kg), 1x10 (25kg), 2x8 (30kg)
• Barbell RDL 4x8 (18kg)

Once i got on the leg press my legs start lactic aciding so hard. I never had it that bad on the leg press before. Probably cause i had to wait so long between my sets. Absolute annoyance. I did however somehow manage to do 10 reps with 70kg which was pretty cool. I think it was just all my hatred that pushed me through it lol. And also probably because i warmed up my legs a little by doing lower weights first, and i also think i need to start taking 1 minute breaks between my sets instead of just 30 seconds.

The abductor went btw so easy. 25kg is way too low, 30kg is a good warmup weight, but i think i want to start with higher weights with the abductor and build down instead of up on my regular sets. At least i can tell that me squatting at home is paying off lol.

The leg extension went alright. There were 2 people (teens, couldnt have been older than 19) standing around the machine that was next to me, cause one of their friends was on it i think. They saw me putting my towel on the leg extension and they didn't move? They only started moving once i started putting on the weights and they barely moved at all. They could've gone to the other side and they just didn't. Such weird behavior lol. Anyways, i put 20kg on first but i think it is too low. I did 30kg today for the first time and was kind of struggling with it but it's a good weight to do. When i was done with my reps a guy next to me asked how many sets i had left and i was like "oh i just finished lol". First time someone talked to me at the gym. I believe i have seen him more often at the gym tho and he tends to wear cringe t-shirts with playboy on it or rick and morty EW. At least he seemed friendly.

At home i did some RDLs, instead of 5x5 i tried to do normal sets/reps. It went pretty well, although the weight seemed too much for my lower arms so i had to hold it alternatively (one hand facing forwards, the other one backwards) it went better that way. I might need to buy wrist straps. 

While writing this i have been sipping on some protein while listening to music. I haven't stretched yet. My legs still hurt from the leg extension lol. I do kinda want to look into doing the seated leg curl maybe next time at the gym. I don't know if it will hurt as much as the leg extension, but if it doesn't i can do it after the leg press so i can do 4 machines at the gym for legs instead of just 3. Although doing 3 and then going home and doing barbell stuff is serving me pretty well too. I want to try doing cable kick backs again but every time i go the gym it is so crowded and all the pulley systems are taken so i usually don't do them.

I am still not entirely happy with my squatting, but i want to work on it so i can try the smith machine at the gym. It will be a good alternative for the hack squat machine since i can just focus on pushing the weight up instead of keeping my entire weight balanced and it should work out my quads harder.

Tomorrow i wanna do arms and core. I might go to the gym to do cardio + lat pulldowns and then go back home and do some arm stuff. Oh wait, i wont be able to do that cause i have to walk the neighborhood dog tomorrow. Welp. At least i will get my cardio in while running around with her haha.

Leg day at gym becomes leg day at home

Today was supposed to be leg day at the gym, but i overslept. I wanted to go to the gym later, but i ended up going to the store and came home later than anticipated so i just worked out at home. While i was putting the weights on my barbell the neighborhood cat came in and distracted me so instead of 12kg i put 14kg on the barbell and i was like "welp, guess we are gonna do 14 now" so here we are:

• 5x5 Barbell Squats (14kg)
• 5x5 Romanian Dead Lifts (14kg)
• 1x10 Hip Thrusts (14kg), 1x10 (18kg), 2x10 (20kg)
• 4x10 Bulgarian Split Squats (7.5kg)

I also found out that on Thursday it is the "day of the ascension" or whatever (the day when Jesus magic tricked himself out of the cave) which means that it is treated as a "sunday" in my country, which means that everything closes early or isn't open at all. So on Thursday, when i have to go to the gym, the gym is open from 9 till 1 which isn't a big deal for me, but i am afraid that it will be crowded since everyone will probably want to work out and it is probably a lot of people's day off sooo... i guess we will see? If it is too crowded i can always scram i guess.

Also, also, tomorrow i will be visiting my grandparents and afterwards i have to bring back keys from a job i used to have. I hope it wont rain so i can do everything by bike, which will clock me in at 15km! Which will be a good cardio work-out. Since i'll be home late-ish, i probably wont do any other exercises. Thursday leg day at the gym as i said, and friday i'll do upper-body/core again.

Upper body day!!! (with a little bit of core)

Put together my exercises for today. I am going to mix barbell exercises with dumbbell exercises and at the end i will throw in two core exercises done with barbell and dumbbell. In between all my sets i will do negative pull-ups.

• bent-over barbell row 4x12 (14kg)
• negative pull-up 1x5
• bar curl 4x12 (6kg)
• negative pull-up 1x5
• dumbbell shoulder press 4x12 (4kg)
• negative pull-up 1x5
• bent over lateral raise 4x12 (2kg)
• negative pull-up 1x5
• sitting oblique twists with bar 3x12
• negative pull-up 1x5
• Dumbbell side bend 3x12 (10kg)

I have no idea how long it is going to take me to finish this since i have to keep changing up my weights but we will see. Hopefully it wont take me much longer than an hour!

Absent!

I have been feeling a bit burnt out the last few weeks which is why i have been writing less, but in happier news i have adopted a new dog! She will come in from Romania next month and am very excited to meet her. I was having such a hard time with the loss of my dog that it started to weigh me down a lot. It was all i could think about all day every day, and last week was her 1 death anniversary. Weirdly enough, around that time, i stumbled upon a dog shelter website. And they operate out of my old town where i grew up! I never knew it existed! I surfed around on their website and it took me 3 days to make sure i had picked out the right dog cause there were so many cute ones.

I think once i have her i will feel better cause i have something to plan my days around. Right now i don't really have that. Since i work from home, i can come and go as i please which makes it harder to properly structure my days. Also, i had to go grocery shopping for about 2 weeks now and i keep not going. I just don't feel motivated at all. I buy whatever the small neighborhood grocery store has to offer to make sure i hit my protein for the day and that is about it. When i have my dog i will feel more pressured to properly go grocery shopping cause i have to keep her fed.

I also really have been slacking with the gym. I just constantly don't feel like going. Mainly the zoomers who kept being at the gym made me very demotivated, i don't know why. They were just such a distraction being there and because they all moved in packs of 3 the gym constantly felt very crowded, even though it wasn't. I was determined to go to the gym this week but i got my period this morning so welp.

Tomorrow is leg day at the gym tho so i am going to go!!! I btw didn't write that i hit 70kg on the leg press the last time i went to the gym. I did 5 reps. Am very proud of my progress so far and would like to keep going so tomorrow I AM GOING NO EXCUSES.

My body has also changed a lot i have realized. I have lost a lot of fat on the side of my waist. Normally when i would bend to the side i had about 2-3 fat rolls, now i only have one, and i think it isn't even fat, it's just skin. My hourglass figure is coming through more which i am very happy with especially since i have been slacking so much. I have been working out at home almost every other day tho but i do nothing but squats and RDLs mainly. Haven't hit core and arms as hard.

Food wise i haven't been doing too great either. I've had pizza and ate 2 more bags of cheetos during my weeks of absence and am actually surprised that i am not getting fatter LOL.

Today i actually wanted to do some cardio at the gym and do arms, but i will just do arms at home now since my period is driving me insane, and i might add some core. I will make a new post for what i wanna do today.

Leg day at home + some May thoughts

Yesterday core went well (i updated what i did in the two week overview post), don't feel it as much today as i did last week which is kind of annoying cause i like to feel the burn. Maybe i didn't do enough. I forgot to do one exercise (side hip raises) and then flaked on the other one (hanging knee raises) so it is my own fault. 

Today is leg day at home. I am speaking to my best friend again so i am waiting for him to get home from work so we can work out together. My squats and deadlifts are going up in weight (from 4 to 8kg) but it should still be relatively easy for me. I am dreading once i go up in weight, because i am so weak lol. I am also going to try and do my bulgarian split squats with 10kg dumbbells (7.5kg warmup first). 

I am also thinking to start cutting my calories. I am really not happy with how flabby my core is; i feel like my body looks leaner, but there is a lot of flab. I might try to go to the gym daily to do some light cardio (like walking up hill on treadmill), but it depends on how i feel idk. I am trying to not make excuses for myself, but it is difficult since i deal with some anxiety, however i know how important it is to expose yourself to things you don't like/are afraid of, so i just have to overcome that. So let's just say: from tomorrow on i am going to the gym every day to do cardio, and let's see how that goes. I'll keep you updated.

I also want to start cutting calories because of the flab. I tried to cut calories last week but i felt so lethargic, so i am going to try and do it again. I will give myself "cheat meals" on Wednesday and Saturday; like have whole grain pasta on Wednesday's, and have something more fatty like pizza on Saturdays. I used to do this 2 years ago combined with running and doing light muscle exercises daily and my body looked really good, so lets try to keep this diet the entirety of May! I stopped counting calories and protein too so i will pick that up again starting tomorrow.

Update: leg day went really well. Instead of normal squats i did sumo squats cause they feel a bit better on my knees than normal squats. Hip thrusts with 20kg was insane, but i will keep at it until i normally can do them with 20kg. I kept falling over doing my 10kg dumbbell squats, which was kind of annoying, but i will also keep at it until i can do them normally (without falling over lol). 

Two week overview (29 april - 14 may)

I wanna write out for myself what i want to do the coming 2 weeks because i feel it will help. I looked around a little bit to see if there are different ways i can do some of my exercises and there are some. Like for example, i can start doing single leg work outs, like doing single leg RDLs with dumbbell, single leg leg press etc. I am thinking of maybe doing the single leg workouts after these two weeks are over.

Saturday - Core at home

3x15 Bicycle crunches (per leg)

3x20 Seated alternating knee tuck  (per leg)

3x15 Reversed crunch

3x20 Weighted oblique twist (10 reps per side) (7.5kg)

3x15 Dumbbell side bend (per side) (10kg)

Sunday - Legs at home

5x5 Sumo Barbell Squats (8kg)

4x12 Bulgarian Split Squats (7.5>10>10>10kg)

5x5 Romanian Dead Lifts (8kg)

4x15 Hip Thrusts (20kg)

3x12 Nordic Curls

Monday - Upper body at home

1x15 Lat raises (20kg) (at gym), 2x12 (25kg)

5x5 Barbell front raise (4kg)

5x5 Bar curl (4kg)

5x5 Bent-over barbell row (14kg)

5x5 Push up shrugs

5x5 Inverted rear dealt row

3x12 Seated barbell twist (4kg)

Body changes

I realized when it comes to body changes that mainly my back leg muscle is growing a lot, and ever since i stopped doing my home work-out routine as much, my butt has shrunk in size again, so it is obvious that my home routine was doing something. I think that i might start changing my routine again where, when i go to the gym mon/wed/fri, that i instead go Monday and Friday and that i work-out at home on Wednesday and Sunday. Then Tuesday/Thursday gym and Saturday at home.

My waist has shrunk in size as well. I naturally have a pretty small waist and larger hips (so a hourglass figure) and it is finally coming out more again.

I think what is killing my gains the most is that on my "off" days i very often try new work-outs or i am figuring out routines to do (like for my upper body or core), which makes it more difficult to track whether i am getting stronger or not. Next to that, i very often skip those days too because i feel lethargic or i just forget. And maybe, just maybe, doing legs every other day makes me exhausted, which makes no sense cause i literally did my legs every other day for an entire month at home and i was totally fine (i maybe skipped it once or twice). 

On some days i am also getting really sick and tired of just propping my mouth full with protein. I wish i didn't have to eat so much, it is getting annoying. I even stopped tracking my calories and protein intake, cause i hated seeing how many calories i was actually consuming and it made me uncomfortable.

Anyways, new routine maybe starting next week:

Monday: arms/shoulders home
Tuesday: leg day gym
Wednesday: day off
Thursday: leg day gym
Friday: core at home
Saturday: legs at home
Sunday: day off
Monday: legs at gym
Tuesday: arms/shoulders home
Wednesday: legs at home
Thursday: day off
Friday: legs at gym
Saturday: core at home
Sunday: legs at home

Superset gym day

Another gym leg day! Yesterday i didn't do anything cause i got distracted with other things whoops.

• Warm-up (20 minutes)
• Hip adductors 2x15 (25kg), 2x10 (30kg), 1x20 sets of 5 (30kg) 
• Leg extension 1x12 (15kg), 3x10 (20kg), 1x8 (25kg), 1x20 sets of 4 (25kg) 
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (40kg), 1x12 (50kg), 1x10 (60kg), 1x26 sets of 5 (60kg) 
• Romanian deadlifts 5x5 4kg
• Stretch

I went to the gym way later than i wanted and the entire gym was full with zoomers (my bad). I had to turn around my entire training schedule because the machines i wanted to use were constantly occupied which was very annoying.

I started with the hip adductors which were a pain in the ass (not literally) because my adductors were still sore from Wednesday. Before i leave my house i always stretch and i couldn't stretch the adductors as well as i usually can which was annoying. Doing 30kg was very difficult (i was struggling around the 8 reps) and i didn't write down that i wanted my super sets to be 4, not 5, so i thought my super set had to be 5 reps so that kind of fucked me up lol.

After the adductors i wanted to do the leg press but it was occupied, so i waited for a bit and it was still occupied so i just decided to do the leg extension. This wasn't very smart because my legs hurt so badly after doing my supersets that i could barely walk and i was getting very annoyed because to me, gauging my strength is done through the leg press, it is my most important work-out at the gym, and i was gonna do it last. I wasn't happy about this.

At the leg press i felt like i was struggling a lot, especially with the 50kg, and the 60kg wasn't easy either. I did a superset of almost 30 reps, but i think i only hit 26 and then i just died. My legs hurt so badly and i usually never have lactic acid problems when doing the leg press. So next time i will just wait to use the leg press, cause i am never gonna do it last again.

After the leg press i just went straight home cause i could barely walk and someone was doing the lat raises, so i was like whatever. I was thinking about maybe just walking into the gym to do lat raises on my arm/shoulder days and then walk out. The gym is nearby and i would only have to use one device so i wouldn't really care how crowded it is. I won't even bother going to the changing room, just walk in and out.

Anyways, at home i did the RDLs which went easy since 4kg is kind of a very low weight for me, and then for stretches i did an extra 20 minutes of adductor stretches since they felt so tight. At the moment they are still sore but i don't feel as stiff.

Now i have Sunday to look forward to to do my entire home routine. 

Gym leg day!

 Gym today was gud. I woke up a little later than i wanted but that's okay since i still ended up going. 

• Warm-up (23 minutes)
• Hip adductors 1x15 (25kg) 3x10 (30kg)
• Leg press 3x15 (30>40>40kg), 1x12 (50kg), 1x10 (60kg )
• Leg extension 4x12 (15>20>25>25) 
• Lat pulldowns 3x15 (20>20>25kg)
• Barbell squats 5x5 4kg
• Stretch

After the gym i went to the store to grab some food and then when i came home i did my 5x5 squats. I warmed up with the bar and did 10 squats, then i put the weights on and i did 5x5. On Friday i will try and do it with 5kg and build up from there. 

Anyways, hip adductors were a little tough today. I only got to 6-8 full reps with 30kg, and had to push my legs really hard (sometimes pushing them closed with my hands) to get to 12. I think next time i will go 15>20>20>25kg and then do another 25kg super set till 20 reps (do some reps, rest, do some reps, rest till i hit 20). 

Leg press went a bit tougher today too. I felt the chemicals boiling in my quads with only doing 40kg. I think i will also super set the leg press on Friday with 60kg. I honestly think i will super set everything on Friday.

Leg extension was rough as always. After doing 8 reps with 25 i had to take a deep breath and take a 1 second pause to get myself to 12. So i am excited to super set this on Friday.

I forgot to do cable kickbacks today. I felt a bit distracted, but i did end up doing the lat pulldowns, which went quite tough. I thought last week i did 30kg, but i did 25kg and 25kg went a bit easier today (still very tough). 

And the squats went alright. I still don't know how to squat properly. I feel like every time i squat i do it differently. The introduction guy from the gym walked over to me today to ask how i'm doing and i told him i got a barbell and stuff and he said that they were more than willing to help me if i want to practice squats in the gym so that's cool. I did tell him did it was scary and intimidating to me cause there are so many strong people around and i don't want to look stupid. He also said it was cool that i got into fitness so much, but like... i was already planning on doing that with or without the gym lol. 

O yeah, my warm-up was also a bit longer today cause there were some kids on the stair master, so i kept going on the elliptical until they left. So i got an extra 3-4 minutes on the elliptical. I wonder if it is a holiday week or something, cause there were quite some teens in the gym and also a bunch of very young kids. I do know tomorrow is a national holiday so it might be that it is also a free week for school.

I wonder how much my legs will hurt tomorrow but i will do some core work-outs regardless. Friday leg day at gym again, and Saturday i will do arms/shoulders at home.

Catch-up

Ugh, i don't know what is happening. I feel so tired lately. I am eating protein heavy foods, taking my vitamin pills, and i'm even spending more time in the sun so i don't understand why i feel so tired.

Saturday
Saturday was the first day that i started working out with my barbell and it was ROUGH. I felt so incredibly weak, and i will have to figure out a way to properly build up strength to start squatting with a barbell etc. This is what i ended up doing:

• Front squats 1x10 - 0kg, 3x8 - 4kg
• Hip thrusts 4x12 - 20kg
• Bulgarian split squats 3x12 4 > 7.5 > 8kg
• Kneeling squat 4x12 8kg
• Four random workouts 4x10

Definitely the most annoying thing was loading and unloading the weights. 

Sunday

My entire body hurt; my shoulders and arms still hurt from the lat pulldown machine at the gym on thursday, my core hurt incredibly much from friday, and my quads and glutes hurt from Saturday. So rest day was imminent. 

Monday

That was yesterday. I was supposed to have a leg day at the gym. I woke up on time, got up, and then somehow found myself back in bed again and i slept till 3 in the afternoon. I was very annoyed with myself. I ended up doing some arm work-outs at home with the barbell since my legs still hurt and i was too tired to do anything like squats or whatever.

• bent-over barbell row 5x5 (10kg)
• barbell front raise 5x5 (0kg)
• bar curl 5x5 (0kg)
• push up shrugs 5x5
• inverted rear delt row 5x5 
• seated barbell twist 3x12 (0kg)

I did most of the work-outs with 0kg cause they were difficult to do with weight on the bar and i was also too lazy to put weight on the bar tbh. The bent-over barbell row was still difficult to do with 10kg but i did it. The other ones i just did with the bar. Next time (probably thursday or saturday) i will add 1 or 2 kg weights and build up from there.

Tuesday (today)

Since tomorrow is gonna be leg day at the gym, i will have to figure something else out for today. I already did arms/shoulders yesterday so idk what to do for today. I might just not do anything and rest. Maybe eat a calorie dense meal and hope that i wont feel too tired tomorrow to not wakeup on time to go to the gym. 

Labels

I'm trying to come up with labels to label my posts with, so this post is more for me to think out loud.

Gym day: for all days that i go to the gym
Gym leg day: leg days at the gym
Gym upper day: upper body at the gym
Home work-outs: all days when i work at home
Home leg day: leg day at home
Home upper day: when i do upper body at home
Home core day: when i do core at home
Program: when i discuss/research/think about my program
Research: looking up and researching programs
Leg program: when i discuss/look at leg programs
Glute program: when i discuss/look at glute programs
Upper program: when i discuss/look at upper programs
Core program: when i discuss/look at core programs
Diet: posts about food and diet things
Vent: more personal posts
Useful: posts i find useful to look back on 
Random: when it doesn't fit any other label

Core day

I haven't done my core in a while and my arms are dead from yesterday, and it is rest day for my legs so i will just do some core exercises. I haven't found proper core exercises yet that i enjoy doing and that i can perform properly so i am still kinda looking around. I found some new ones i want to try today that also incorporate the legs and glutes so that's a win-win for me.

• Bicycle crunches 3x20 (per leg)
• Seated alternating knee tuck 3x15 (per leg)
• High reverse plank 3x30seconds
• Dead bug 3x20
• Lying leg and hip raise 3x20
• Hanging knee raises 3x10
• Dumbbell side bend 8kg 3x15 

Edit: the above is what i ended up doing today. I had two more exercises i wanted to do - the lying side hip raise and roman chair sit-up - but i didn't do them because i didn't want to spend longer than an hour on this. I also didn't do a V-up cause i literally couldn't (i'm weak!!!)

Figuring out barbell leg routine

I am trying to figure out a routine for tomorrow where i can incorporate my barbell. It seems that some people do their squats and deadlifts on two separate days, but some people don't. It is very confusing lol. You also have back squats and front squats and i think that i would prefer to do front squats, for some reason having something on my back just irks me, and maybe it is also better since i don't have a squat rack yet. I might just do back squats on my normal gym leg days.

My ideal work-out program would be something like having 2 quad dominant days and 1-2 glute dominant days. I just don't really know how to incorporate that properly and the internet isn't very helpful either. I guess i shouldn't overthink it too much and i will learn along the way.

For tomorrow:

• Front squats 3x12
• Hip thrusts 4x15-20
• Bulgarian split squats 3x12
• Kneeling squat 4x12
• Nordic curls 3x10

For Wednesday:

• Warm-up (20 minutes)
• Hip abductors 3x15
• Leg press warm-up 3x15 (30kg)
• At home:
• Reverse Barbell Hack Squat 4x12
• Romanian Deadlift 4x12
• Hip thrusts 4x15-20

It's difficult to figure out what to do for Wednesday cause i still want to hit the gym, but i don't want to do the exact same stuff as i am doing on my other gym days and i don't want to go to the gym after my main lifts that i will do at home. Most people seem to do leg extensions and stuff after they lift, but i want to do that on my machine days. I just want to be able to squat properly and deadlift properly, so i can start using the smith machine at the gym, and then i can just plan my routines around that. Until then i am stuck with this, but i think my workouts look pretty good so far.

I just have to figure out arm/shoulder days, cause i want to incorporate that two times a week too to help with my lifting. I wish i could afford the personal trainers at my gym, but maybe that is something for the future.

The gym today was awesome!

As the title reads, the gym today was good. When i woke up this morning i checked my mail and it said that i was getting my barbell stuff between 19:00 and 22:00. Which was still not really as helpful but at least that meant i had the entire day to do whatever i wanted. I did have problems getting out of bed this morning (i really didn't want to and felt really tired) so i ended up going to the gym at around 11:40PM but then when i was just about there i realized i forgot my gym key, so i went back home, and i just biked to the gym instead of walking, so i was at the gym at exactly 12:00. 

It was a little bit crowded but it was mainly bigger guys, and some friends who were working out together. The vibe was nice so i didn't feel thrown off. This is what i did today:

• Warm-up (20 minutes)
• Hip abductors 3x15 (25kg) 1x15 (30kg) 1x15 (35kg) 1x15 (40kg)
• Leg press 4x15 (30>40>50) 1x10 (60kg) 1x1 (70kg)
• Cable kick backs 3x12 (5kg>2.5kg)
• Leg extension 3x12 (15>20>20) 1x8 (25kg)
• Lat pulldowns 3x15 (20>20>25kg)
• Stretch

I think this was my most successful day at the gym yet. I did hip abductors and i kept going up in weight, but it started to bore me (lol) so i went over to the leg press. Doing 60kg was pretty difficult on the leg press and doing 70kg was near impossible, but i hope to build up the strength to do at least 2 reps at the end of next week with 70kg. 

The cable kick backs were a disaster again, i even went down in weight, and i could not feel it in my glutes again, i don't understand it. I did some band kickbacks at home as a warmup and i could feel my glutes perfectly fine. I even did some kickbacks without the weight at one point to see how i should be standing and i kept not feeling them. It's just odd, but i am obviously doing something wrong. So that is under investigation until further notice.

Leg extension went decent as well. Since my max weight wasn't determined last time i just played around with the weights, and jeez louise, leg extensions are hell to do. My legs started to sour up every time at 12 reps, and with 25kg i could only get to 8. The problem isn't even that the weight is heavy and i can't pump it, it is literally the acid you feel building up in your legs. Really nasty feeling lol.

And to top it off i did my lat pulldowns today! I first did it with 20kg which was a bit too easy, but then 25kg was a bit too difficult but i kept going with it. My last 5reps were HELL but i powered through it. Next time i'm gonna start with 25kg instead.

When i came home i drank my protein, stretched, and just chilled a bit. I had to go to the grocery store to stock up on food again, so i did that. I usually do not like to go to the store during the day cause there are always so many people (why? why cant you go later or in the morning). They also take their entire families with... it's always a disaster. Anyways, i went, cause i didn't need that much anyways. Then i got home and i relaxed and played some computer game while listening to a podcast.

Then around 18:00 the doorbell rang and there were 7(!!!!) packages for me with my weights yay! I now have my weights. The barbell itself is heavier than expected and the 20kg plates are KILL, but i am very happy with my stuff. Now i only need a squat rack and i am good to go. I have to also figure out where i am gonna store all this but i was thinking to just put the plates under my couch on a thick piece of carton so i can easily shuffle them around and grab them when needed, and i can put the barbell wherever i want, so i think i will do that.

My arms hurt like heck, and my legs only hurt a little. I am excited to work out with my new stuff this weekend!

I haven't written for a while

On top of it being my dog's first birthday without her, i also had to deal with getting my period. So i was just a whole mess and i was very, very tired. I have been trying to do some workouts at home in the meantime but i didn't really have the energy most of the time to get anything proper done (except for one day where i did a full leg/glute day). Sooo yeah, i haven't been going to the gym for a good week now.

That said, i should be going to the gym again tomorrow. Only problem is that i should also be getting my package tomorrow with my barbell and weights, and the time says "between 08:00 and 22:00" and i have to be home for the package. Yes, very helpful! 

I should be getting an update tomorrow morning when exactly they will deliver the package and if it is between 10 and 12 i am going to scream, cause then i wont be able to go to the gym again. I might go in the evening tho because from what i remember the guy said that on thursday and friday's it is pretty empty cause "everyone is out clubbing". However, i just prefer to go to the gym earlier in the day. I also have to go to the grocery store tomorrow so everything is really falling in reverse but whatever.

If i make it to the gym tomorrow i would like to:

• Warm-up (20 minutes)
• Hip abductors 3x15 (15>20kg)
• Leg press 4x15 (30>40>40>50)
• Cable kick backs 3x12 (5kg)
• Leg extension 4x15 (2x15kg 2x20kg)
• Lat pulldowns 3x15 
• Stretch

For my work-out on Saturday i will have to figure out what i want to do at home, but if i have my barbell i would like to start squatting, hip thrusting, split squatting, and deadlifting. That should be fun! I also found out that i can dead hang way longer on my pull-up bar than i could before (1 month ago i could barely hang for 25 seconds without dying of pain, now i can easily hang for 1 minute and 30 seconds, even though it feels like i have no fingers afterwards). I can also pull myself up on the pullup bar a little bit. Barely tho lol. I am still very weak, but i am making progress! And that is nice to see, especially knowing that i barely work on my arms and shoulders.

Didn't go to gym

This morning i woke up and i felt absolutely EXHAUSTED, like i ran into a freight train. I said to myself that i would just go to the gym a bit later and i went back to sleep, but i still felt exhausted later on. Since i had an appointment at 1PM i couldn't go early in the afternoon either (not that i would want to), so i decided not to go.

I realized later on that today is the birthday of my pet who i lost last year (she became 16 years old). I think it somehow mentally affects me more than i would care to admit, so i am going easy on myself today. I was thinking to maybe go to the gym tonight, but i just really need to relax. I cried a few times today and allowed myself to. Losing a loved one isn't easy. I put some flowers on her grave (she's buried in my backyard), and spend some time at her grave as well. I did some other yard work to spend some time outside at least (it was nice weather; sun was shining, and it wasn't too warm either). I also plan to play a new indie horror game, that i wanted to play for some time, tonight.

Since i didn't do core yesterday, i might do core today. Tomorrow i'll do arms. I might go to the gym on Sunday if i feel like it, if anything to see how many people are around. I could do some cardio, and do like two machines, but i'll see how i feel. I also have to walk the dog this weekend, so i'll have to see how that vibes. I might just run with the dog for cardio.

Some days you just have to take it slow; whether that is for your physical or mental wellbeing. Today was one of those days for me.

More barbell research

Every day that i breathe more (lol) the willingness to buy a barbell grows. I decided to do a bit more research, and i found out that 28mm barbells are actually better for women (or just people with small hands i suppose). I have extremely small hands, and i hate it, but i have to live with it. This means that i can buy the weights from that one website that i spotted some time earlier. 

I found out that they have a kit for dumbbells that come with two small dumbbell bars and a bunch of small weights that are 20kg in total. They come in a neat case and together it's only 65 bucks. Then i want to get a barbell that is about my height (cause i don't think a big barbell is gonna do me any good), which is about 40 bucks. Then i want to get better clips to keep the weights in place, which is 6 bucks. And then i want to get some additional weights: 2x5kg, 2x10kg, which would be about 76 bucks. If i would get 2x20 then it would be 176 bucks. I don't think i want to get 20kg yet, but i'm also not sure. I think it would be good to just have it around. So everything in total should be 187 bucks; 287 if i get the 20kg. 

Now, the thing is they also sell a set, but the set has a barbell that is too big, and if you get the other set, then you don't get heavy weights. In total with the former set you get 80kg worth of weights and you also get the small dumbbells for 250 bucks. My own little barbell thing has 50kg (90 if i include the 20kg weights) and would be 181 bucks or be 281 bucks with the 20kg weights, which is about the same price.

So i don't think the set is worth it, because i would also have to get the smaller barbell if i get the heavier set, so i think i will stick with my own set that i've made. Oh yeah, i also want to get one of those foam pads. I think they are like 15 bucks. I think i will have everything then for the insane price of 300 bucks.

The only thing i would need after that is a squat rack, but that will come later. I will first have to learn how to do squats anyways with only the barbell itself and i can probably just throw the barbell on my back by putting it on some chairs or my couch or something.

I will check my bank account tonight or tomorrow to make a decision on what i will do. 

I also decided to not work-out today cause i have a lot to do for work and i have to clean up my apartment, do the laundry, and i was hoping on bleaching my hair today. I also have an appointment early tomorrow afternoon and i just feel a bit overwhelmed with everything lol. If i feel like i have left over time tonight i might do a core routine, maybe with some arms, and stretching, but we'll see. No promises.

Glute transformation posts

I was scrolling through reddit when i stumbled upon this random thread: 9 months glute transformation. I read the entire thing, looked at the pictures, the comments... OP responded to a lot of people which was helpful too, but what i could gather from what she wrote is that we basically did the same amount of research in the same places haha. She is also the same height and weight as me which is helpful too. Her leg gains are insane. I also rarely feel exercises in my butt anymore (unless i work-out at home) so it was good to see that she made it work for her somehow. 

Also, this is her current routine: glutes/legs/glutes/upper body/glutes/full body. I don't know what she does differently on leg day vs glute day, since most leg exercises target the glutes too, but it is nice to see her routine to have a certain sense of what to work towards.

What i also found funny is that she said she only tracks her protein, because i do the exact same LOL. I do also track my calories, because that is an old habit instilled in me, but besides that i only track protein. I don't care about other stats.

I found another thread with a girl who has the same stats as me. She also has weights for at home, cause as she said, she sometimes doesn't have enough time for the gym, or she feels shy/what have you. It's nice to know that i am not the only one who feels this way, and this only makes me more confident in getting a barbell for at home. She said that she mainly "deadlifts, barbell bridges, dumbbell kneeling squats, barbell military press" at home, since she doesn't have a rack. She said her current routine is "glute focused workouts 3 days a week" with a 20 minute warmup (like me!), one day a week of cardio, and upper body push/pull on other days.

I never knew this sub reddit existed, but it is nice to read what other girls (my height/weight) have been doing and people are giving good advice in the comments. It is way better than the stupid bodybuilding forums and fitness subreddits, where everyone (read: men) just seem to be gloating about how much they can lift, and the overall vibe is just off. Everyone seems so friendly here! I wish the subreddit was more active tho...

Running

Now that i am going to the gym more and i realize that my stamina is getting better, i am very excited to start running again. I used to run every summer, and then when summer ended i stopped cause it got too cold outside. So every year i would run for maybe 4-5 months and then stop the rest of the year. One year i tore a certain muscle in my leg and it hurt from my butt all the way down to my calf. I walked with a limp for a month, and i kinda got scared of exercising after that and put down running for about 1-2 years.

But now that i am exercising and doing proper warm ups i am actually excited again to run, and i can even keep up running once it gets colder, cause i can just run in the gym (if i want). I prefer to run outside tho, so we will see how that goes. I also don't run a lot. Usually i would run for 20-30 minutes, and in the ending months i would sometimes go for 40 minutes. It also isn't just running. I do a run/walk cycle, that i slowly build up over time. Because i have breathing issues, i can't just run for 20 minutes in a row. It would kill me probably lol. In the beginning it is usually like 1 minute running, 3 minutes walking, and i slowly build it up. I got the idea from couch to 5K. Now that i am working out i wonder how much better my stamina is. 

I did always run when it became darker outside, cause i was a little bit embarrassed. I will probably still run around twilight cause it is my favorite. Too bad twilight doesn't last too long, even though i feel more confident now. I think running will also help with going to the gym.

I use the zombie app (i forgot the name) while i am running. It is nice cause there is a story that you follow and in between you can listen to your own music. Next to that, you can also set sprints, where you have to run away from zombies. This happens randomly throughout your run and you can set yourself how many times you want it to happen. This is actually really helpful and fun to do, because it makes you push harder. You also get an end result thing so you can see how much you ran, where you ran the fastest, where you ran the lowest. It is a very neat little app, too bad it costs money if you want to get the max out of it. I believe you only get one episode for free every 24 hours if you don't pay. I bought it at its inception years ago, so i don't have to pay for a monthly subscription. It sucks that new people who wanna use the app have to pay monthly to not fall into that 24 hour thing. I will give you the name once i start running again in case you wanna use it or check it out (there might be a free trial).

Gym was good!

As the title might give away, the gym was good today! I left a bit later than i wanted (10.20AM instead of 10AM). When i just got at the gym the security gates (where you scan your membership thing) was broken and i couldn't get through and i looked retarded lol. I had to wait a bit till it was fixed, so my warm up started a little bit after 10.30. There were more people than i had hoped, but the overall vibe was a bit better. There were two girls that i had seen before that always work-out together, and there were two other girls that came in later while i was warming up. There were a lot of friends there it seemed, and a lot of them were jacked gym bros, but most of them started leaving at around 10.45. There was also this scrawny kid that started accumulating some muscle mass in his arms and he was doing all his work-outs so sloppily. I wish one of the bros would've gone to him and told him how to do it properly :( No hate to him of course, but it hurts to see when someone does something wrong. But no one seemed to pay attention to him which kind of eased me into (wow, no one gives a shit about anyone in here) (nice). 

There were also a lot of old people, and later on they all congregated together at the seating area and started singing happy birthday and drinking coffee together. If i didn't have my music i would've probably left lol. They were very loud. Thank god my headphones are noise cancelling headphones.

Also, after i climbed up the stairs i got greeted by the cutest pomeranian dog. It happily hopped to me and it was wearing this tiny little coat. It was ADORABLE. Apparently, in one of the group class rooms, they were giving a presentation and some middle aged mom had brought her dog. I petted it and she was like "oh, it is being a bit naughty today". I couldn't have thought about a better way to start my day tbh lol.

I managed to do everything i wanted to do at the gym today:

• Warm-up (20 minutes)
• Hip adductors 3x15 (25kg)
• Leg press 4x15 (30>40>40>50)
• Romanian Dumbbell Deadlift 3x10 (8kg)
• Cable kick backs 3x12 (5kg)
• Leg extension 4x15 (2x10kg 2x12.5kg)
• Stretch

Warm-up was a bit daunting today. I think i did higher levels (i always forget to pay attention to it). There was a small (supposedly) gay man next to me who came in shortly after i went on the elliptical, and he went to the one next to me. At one point i wanted to do a level lower but i kept it on the same level that i had it at, so he was good motivation. He started out going pretty hard, but at one point we were in sync lol. I think he noticed it too. When i went on the stair stepper afterwards i started to feel this weird sensation in my stomach. I can't really describe it. I first thought i was going to pass out or something and i had to stop but i kept going (that might've been dumb). In the end i did it tho. At one point i kept changing the level between 5 and 6 because 5 was too easy but 6 became a bit too hard at the end. So i kept switching it up lol. But i did it in the end! Usually when i'm done with my warmups i sit against the wall and i drink water. I wait for my heartrate to go a bit down and i try to catch my breath. A lot of people say to not do hardcore cardio before your sets, but i like it because it gives me adrenaline, and it makes me push harder during work-outs. My legs also never feel tired after cardio, but i have ADHD so that might affect it too, so this might not be for everyone.

I had to do hip adductors today instead of abductors, since there was an old man on the abductor machine. Currently i am using 25kg but i think i might have to dial it down to 20. Usually my first set goes fine, but the sets after that i start to struggle. I did a warmup set with 20. So maybe i have to do 25 two times, and then after that do 20, so i can make sure to hit all my reps properly. I don't know why it is like that. I tried to do 30kg for shit and giggles and i barely could hit one rep. So getting strong enough to hit 30kg is a goal of mine right now.

After that i went to the leg press and i warmed up with 30kg. I then did two sets with 40kg. And i ended with doing 3 super sets of 6 reps with 50kg. Hopefully at the end of the month i can warm up with 40, do two sets with 50, and end with 60kg super sets!

After that i did the Romanian Dumbbell Deadlift and this was difficult for me. The loud group of old people were sitting right behind where the mirrors are, so it was a bit difficult to concentrate, but i tried to not look around and only pay attention to myself. There was a pretty big dude together with me in the weight area, but i tried to not pay attention to him. He made me a bit nervous cause he kept loading weights on his barbell and i was like "🥺i will never be that strong". The RDDLs didn't go as well as i had hoped. I did stand in front of the mirror for better posture, but i still sometimes felt it in my back. I only did the reps with 8kg. My first reps were 12 and my other two reps were 10. I couldn't do more, idk why. 

Then i finally got to do the cable kick backs. Apparently there are at least three machines there where you can do them so that is swheet. I did mine in the weight area, where there was more space. I had to wait a bit (like 10-15 minutes) for someone to help me, which was kind of annoying, but once it was explained it was easy. However, when i started doing them i didnt feel them in my glutes (like when i tried it at home at the doorpost). I hate how i practice stuff at home and it goes well, but then i go to the gym and i can't do it anymore. It is so, so frustrating. Also the cable kickbacks are a little bit harder than expected. I will practice it again at home tho and then hopefully i will be able to perform them in the gym properly on Friday.

I also realized there were two different leg extension machines, ones where you have to load the plates yourself and the ones where you stick the thingie in the weights. The guy who showed me how to do them put me on the loaded plates one, but it is at least good to know there are more, cause the one with the plates is usually taken by some gym bro. The guy who explained to me how to do it, didn't really explain much, so that was a bummer. He's an intern there and he was just like "you sit down, adjust the seat, load a plate, you are good to go" and i was like "uhhh that is it? i don't have to like brace any muscles?" and he looked at me like i was retarded. So i will have to look up the proper technique for that. I did google real quick if my feet had to point forward or up to the ceiling (the answer is up to the ceiling) cause he didn't explain that.

I also wanted to do my lat pulldowns today but i forgot about them tbh and i also didn't write them down, so i walked home and when i was home i got my two packages (a dress i ordered and hair dye cause im gonna bleach my hair), and i made my smoothie and it was perfect! I put just enough of every ingredient and it tasted soooo good. And then i started writing this while drinking my protein smoothie. Next up i will have to stretch and then i can finally start my work day.

So yeah, all in all, i would say that for Wednesday's leaving home around 10.30 would be good. I think the only problem is that both those friend groups seemed to want to go on the cardio machines that i was working out on, and the one friend group started working out at the exact same time as me, and the other one came in a little bit after that. So maybe 11 would be a better time? There was basically no one at the gym at around 11.29PM and around the time that i left some dumb fitness thot came in (which was around 12 i assume), so do want to be done at 12.