Whiney vent

Tomorrow is gym day again and i want to kill myself... okay it isn't that extreme, but a part of me feels that dying is easier than facing whatever comes tomorrow, which is obviously ridiculous. The last few days i have been trying to read up more about going to the gym etc. and i have seen that some people say that having strong back muscles is important for preventing injury. Other than that, i have read a lot of stupid bullshit, as always. I am still so annoyed with how elitist the fitness/bodybuilding community is. 

I feel like i am in this weird area where i sit in between the total noobs who know nothing about bodybuilding and the more intermediate people; this means that i know enough, but not enough at the same time, which is very frustrating. 

I still doubt the two leg days program i have made, i have no idea what i am doing is right, and it is not like i can just go to the gym and find out. My "job" currently is kind of on the creative side of things, where i can just try out stuff and if it doesn't work, i can try something else until it does what i want it to do (obviously with pre-existing knowledge; but sometimes also no knowledge at all). You can't do that in the gym. I can't just go to the gym and try stuff and see if it works or not. You need to have pre-existing knowledge. You kind of need to know what you want to do before you go. I can't go to the gym, wanting to build my legs, and then just doing squats in the hopes that builds my legs. Besides that, how do you properly do squats? I don't know. And the worst thing is is that you pay for all of this. If you want someone to tell you how to do stuff you need to pay extra for it. I believe in most gyms here it is like 40 bucks per session, which is INSANE, especially if the trainer already works in the gym (and does nothing) (mind you i live in a country where minimum wage is law, and you get paid a lot).

All of this is so tiring man, and i'm only into this for like... barely 2 weeks and i feel so overwhelmed. I want to tell myself that it is okay to go to the gym and do things wrong, but it isn't. It isn't right. You will hurt yourself along the line and you will embarrass yourself too. I wish there was a small body building gym in my town so i could go there and ask some big papa bear to help me out with my exercises; i'm sure they would be nice enough to do that. But i'm not, and i'm stuck in a gym with young people and i hate it and i hate it and i hate it. I don't even hate exercising. I actually find it quite enjoyable. I just don't want any people around. I sound so whiney.