PT: Day 20 (lower body) (intern)

Had lower body with the intern today. It went alright. I always feel like i can train better when i am alone though, weirdly enough... like i was kind of struggling with the abductor on 45kg while it went pretty easily last time... then when i did 42.5kg i was still struggling. Also the adductor wasn't going too well. Weird stuff. Excited to work-out alone again on Monday lol. I didn't make an agreement with my PT on what i will do but i will figure it out by myself.

• Adductor stretch 2x15 (30 > 35kg) 1x7 (40kg)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg) 3x12 (60kg) 1x12 (70kg)
• Leg curl 1x12 (25kg) 3x12 (27.5kg)
• Abductor 3x12 (45kg) 1x12 (42.5kg)
• Kickback hamstring curl 3x10 (6.25 kg) (per leg)
• Leg extension 4x12 (31.25kg) (+myo reps)

Even though i have been eating pretty strictly this week + additional cardio and workout days, i feel like i am still not losing weight. Maybe i just have high expectations and i am losing weight but it is just going slowly idk.

Yesterday and today (some upper body stuff)

Yesterday and today weren't too good. I got up too late so i couldn't really do anything during the day. Yesterday i barely got out of bed cause my entire body hurt, which is a good thing i guess. It wasn't that bad, but my body just felt exhausted so i didn't do anything. 

Today i did do some things even though i got up late. My roommate had a guitar class/lesson so when he went for his class i decided to do some short workouts. 

• Barbell curl 3x15 (0kg > 2kg > 4kg)
• Barbell row 3x15 (0kg > 2kg > 4kg)
• Overhead press 3x15 (0kg > 2kg > 4kg)
• Side bends 3x12 (7.5 kg)
• Twists 3x12 (2kg > 2kg > 4kg)

With 0kg i mean that i just lifted the bar. I usually don't count the bar as weight and only count the plates i put on it. I also for the first time did an overhead press. I didn't even know if i was doing the exercise correctly, but i felt like lifting the barbell above my head would be a good workout and it was. I had to take like a 5 second break between doing my full reps with 4kg cause it was kind of heavy but i am surprised i got it done anyways. I do feel like i am getting stronger! I looked in the mirror this morning and i feel like i am getting some muscle development in my back which is nice.

PT: Day 19 (upper body)

I was on time at the gym today! And the work-outs went alright. I went up 1-5kg in almost every single exercise which is nice. When i came home i did some short core exercises. I wanted to do more, but i felt really tired and it was at the end of the afternoon and i hadn't eaten all day. I do feel like i work-out better in a fasted state and i feel better overall by not eating early in the day. The only problem is eating all my calories and protein later in the day cause usually i feel full, but at least i'm trying!

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown 25kg
• 3x12 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x12 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

Then at home i did:

• Reverse crunch 3x20
• Planks 30 seconds
• Hanging knee raise 3x10 (per leg)
• Bicycle crunches 3x30 (per leg) 

I am so, so motivated to lose weight, especially cause i know i can easily do it. I did it in 1-2 months when i just started going to the gym. I remember how nice my body looked. I want to get that again, especially knowing that my PT knows what my weight and other stats are and i don't. I told him today i wanted to eat 120g of protein a day and he was like "oh so about double your weight". Excuse me? So i weigh 60kg??? That can't be right lol. I still fit in pants that i wore when i was 50kg. I would no way fit in those at 60kg. Usually when i become pudgier i weigh 53-55kg, so i am going to assume that is where i am at right now. It really threw me off though, cause i was thinking like "what if i am really 60kg". So now i feel that my ed is kind of triggered again and part of me doesn't even mind, which is fucked up. I know my PT didn't mean to trigger me but eh... Like tomorrow is supposed to be my rest day but i am thinking of doing some type of exercise cause i don't want to sit still and that is just constantly bonking in my head. Because i'm scared i will start binge eating or something since i'll be home all day; i have nowhere to go to, i will probably edit... i was thinking about visiting my grandparents but i know they will shove food in my face that i don't want and aaahhhh... life is so annoying.

Monday work-out (legs)

Today i went to the gym on my own. I got up too late cause i wasn't able to sleep, so i got up at like 11.30PM and my appointment was at 12.30PM. After the appointment i walked my dog and send out a message to my renting place and to the cops about my neighbor. I then got ready for the gym. After i came home from the gym i did RDLs and hip thrusts at home and i was just done in time cause my roommate came home. 

• Elliptical 10 minutes  (1min 5, 5min 6, 1min 7, 2min 8, 1min 7>6>5)
• Treadmill 10 minutes (1min 5 incline 4km, 4min 10 incline 4.5>5km/h, 4min 10 incline 5.5km/h, 1min 5 incline 5km/h)
• Leg press narrow feet 1x15 (50kg), 4x12 (60kg), high feet 1x12 (50kg)
• Abductor 1x15 (40kg), 2x12 (42.5kg), 2x10 (45kg)
• Adductor stretch 1x15 (30kg), 1x15 (35kg)
• Leg extension 3x10 (30kg), 1xmyo reps (35kg) 6 4 4 3 3 3 3 3 3
• Romanian deadlift 4x12 (12kg)
• Hip thrusts 4x12 (20kg)

Midnight ramblings

I fell asleep earlier and now i am annoyed. I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow and i planned to go to bed earlier, but that's not the case now. Alas... i am drinking a lot of non-caffeinated tea. 

Anyways, earlier today i got to talk to my upstairs neighbors and they told me they were moving (which i already knew). Then they told me they left a plant at my door the other day (which i also knew lol) and i thanked them for it. Then they told me that my schizophrenic neighbor died. Most likely of a heart attack. That made me sad cause i really liked that man. Whenever i saw him he put a smile on my face and we always said hi to each other or we waved at each other. So yeah, that made me sad. Then the upstairs neighbor told me that a bunch of neighbors had been complaining at our renting place about my neighbor being loud, littering, and overall being a menace. My blood was boiling. Earlier today he was being insane again and i called the cops on him AGAIN. This time i called the actual 911. We have another number here that is for non-emergencies, but this time i called the emergency number, but hearing about all these stories that neighbors have been going through... i felt like i have to do something more drastic.

So tomorrow i want to go to the renting place to yell at them. I already called the other day to tell them i wanted an appointment, but i didn't get a phone call or anything the entire week. So i will just go there tomorrow. But before that i probably will just call the cops to see if i can get an appointment with the neighborhood cop to see what he can do for me, cause my neighbor is mainly highly annoying during the weekend. Idk exactly what the cop can do for me, but i wanna see what my possibilities are. Then i also have an appointment tomorrow with the lady. I forgot the time but i think it was at 12 or at 1. Afterwards i have to go to the gym cause i promised my PT. All in all, a lot to do lol. The biggest hurdle being me waking up and actually doing the things. So i just wanted to write it down here to get it out of my head. 

Also, tomorrow i will start with my "diet" and i want to take it as seriously as possible so i might plan out ahead what i will eat tomorrow too in the loseit app!

Plan for tomorrow:

• Wake up at 9 and get ready while calling the cops
• Make sure to talk to the neighborhood cop
• Vacuum
• Once ready go to the renting place to yell at them
• Make sure to be home before 12 cause i have my appointment at 12.30pm
• After the appointment walk my dog
• Get ready for gym
• Probably go to gym around 3-4pm
• That's my day

Also my pc is fixed so in the evening i can edit and continue my Youtube adventures. Let's just hope that nothing is going to throw me off my game.

PT: day 18 (lower body + measurements)

We had to do measurements today again and apparently everything is basically the same. From his words it sounded like it got slightly worse LOL, but i didn't want to know specifics.. I think it might be because i have been eating and sleeping like shit and i don't work-out at home. So all that together... i'm not making a lot of progress, but i really want to change that. I think i'm gonna take a good hard look at my diet and just be really strict for the next 8 weeks. I can easily do that. I am sick and tired of making excuses for myself. I will obviously pig out on Christmas, but that is the only exception (and my roommate's birthday). I will write more about my diet after the read more...

I was late again today. I felt kinda anxious when i woke up idk why. It might be... idk actually. I went to bed early last night cause i felt really, really tired. I fell asleep around 2 or 3, which is early for me. I then woke up at 10 and i felt sooo tired. So i fell back asleep again. Until it was 11.30 i went in and out of sleep. I then finally left my bed at 11.45 and i had to be at the gym at 12.45. So yeah, that didn't happen. The dude had an appointment today at 2PM so he couldn't hang around for long, which was stupid. If he had told me that on Tuesday i would've probably gotten up earlier.

So we weighed me, then we did the walking test, and we did the ab test. It felt useless. How can you even improve with those things if you are already healthy to begin with? Like... everyone has an average walking speed, this can only improve somewhat, unless you train specifically for walking faster. So how can i improve in those things LOL. I think those tests work for someone who isn't fit or healthy and over or underweight and none of those things apply to me, so i find it silly. Then we sat down and we discussed what i will do on Monday since we decided that i will go to the gym on my own on Monday and then he joined me with cardio and then he went to his appointment. So i worked out alone today. The order i did my stuff in is a bit weird cause there was some clueless woman going on the leg machines all the time so i had to maneuver around her.

Oh and most importantly: it snowed today! After i went back from the gym it started raining and it washed away all of the snow :( but it was nice. It wasn't soft snow though which was lame, so i hope we got soft snow for Christmas at least!

• 10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)
• Abductor 3x12 (40kg) 1x12 (42.5kg)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg) 4x12 (60kg) 1x10 (70kg)
• Leg curl 4x12 (27.5kg)
• Leg press narrow 1x15 (50kg) wide 1x15 (50kg)
• Adductor 1x15 (27.5kg, stretch) 1x15 (30kg) 2x12 (37.5kg)
• Leg extension 3x10 (35kg) 3x10 (30kg)

PT: day 17 (upper body + eval)

Today was eval day, and we got the extension, yay!!! Eight more weeks to go. That means that we will end next year in January, which sounds crazy. For the next eight weeks we are going to focus more on me being able to go to the gym on my own, which i know i can do, the question is just, when will it go wrong and when will i stop going. I just realized this means that i have 2-3 months of free gym again since my PT's company pays for it LOL. That saves me so much money!!! Nice. (oh yeah, im on my period)

Today we did the same 'ol same 'ol. I told him what i thought about last Friday, with the intern, and that i didn't like how she made me feel ~different. We also talked about some other stuff, it was chill as always. I also figured out that the intern had some stuff wrong about doing certain exercises (which i already knew but when i told her she was like "no" and i didn't want to argue) (but when i told my PT he was like "yeah... she might've a way that works for her, but my way is better") (LOL). I did tell him i didn't really have DOMs so we both agreed to work harder, with higher weights. I just hate how i have muscle fatigue. I looked it up and it might be "central nervous system fatigue". It basically means that you have two muscle systems and one takes a bit longer to catch up when you are a beginner; once it catches up you wont feel that way anymore. So can't do much about that

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 4x12 rows ??kg
• 4x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 6kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 5kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg

Some interesting tidbits behind the read more: why i didnt do adds today, something about dead hangs, exercising twice a week, eating and protein intake, why i didn't get cigs, and my neighbors moving away.

Lost

Starting to feel a little bit lost and distracted again, so i want to do that thing again where i basically don't go on my computer to game or watch videos or whatever. Only editing and that is it. I want to daily work-out at home (when i don't attend the gym). Mainly doing shrugs and dead hangs to practice my pullups. And then doing core exercises but we'll see. 

Tomorrow i want to get up early, call my renting place for an appointment cause my next door neighbor is making me lose my freaking mind, walk my dog, work-out, and then visit my grandparents. My roommate will have guitar lessons tomorrow so i was thinking to go to the gas station and get cigarettes while he is away. Because there is no way i will go to the gas station during the day. And since it already gets dark around 5PM now i can go anywhere after that time, but that's when my roommate comes home. So tomorrow when he has his lesson is the perfect time, because i want to start walking my dog at night again. And usually i can't make myself to go, but when i can smoke i will probably go. It's a shitty thing to do, and i know i shouldn't do it, but if it makes me go outside at this point and it makes my dog happy so be it.

PT: Day 16 (with intern) (upper body)

Today i opted for upper body since i worked out alone on Tuesday and i did legs. The intern was there again today and she was the one that was guiding me through the work-outs. I didn't like her as much as the PT, since she is more focused on the therapeutic part of exercise. She also said she did a lot of cross-fit and her record in pull-ups are 18 (impressive). She just talked a lot and tried to make me "aware" of how much i am not aware of my body. I didn't really like that lol. I prefer my PT when he just talks to me about random stuff and encourages me through my workouts. It makes me feel more... normal? Idk. At one point, because she was talking so much about how "i should feel" and whatever, we were close to the end time so we did supersets. Cause she was like "you can do lie down dumbbell thingie and then do sit up dumbbell thingie right after" and i was like "so like a superset?" and she was like "no, just you do x for x muscles and then you do y for y muscles so your muscles can chill and we are done faster". This did work, but isn't that what a superset is? (i just checked and it is read more)

I also didn't push myself that hard on the treadmill cause i was talking to the intern so i walked on a slower speed for some time and i didn't notice so after we were done i went on the adductors to stretch my muscles and since the gym was basically empty i decided to also go on the abductors and i realized i could easily do 42.5kg which was pretty crazy. So next time 45kg? Maybe. And since it was empty i also went on the elliptical to sweat a little bit. And then i went home! 

Next Tuesday we will have the evaluation and as i said before, i hope i will get another 8 weeks with my PT. That is the best outcome. Because it will be just me and my PT i will probably tell him about the fact that i probably do not really like PMT cause it makes me so "aware", and i prefer to feel "normal". I think that has been always my thing though, with therapy too. I sit there and have to talk about all my faults and things i struggle with and it is already something i think about 247. Now i have to go outside and waste my time with someone else who makes me aware of all those things i am already aware about 247??? It makes me more anxious. I already had that feeling with therapy and stuff, but i am glad i am vindicated now, because i actually realize that yeah... this doesn't work. Maybe therapy really isn't for me and i just need a normal person to hang out with lol. So essentially what i need is a friend.

• 10 minutes treadmill 
• 4x12 rows ??kg
• 4x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg
• 3x15 adductors (25 > 27.5 > 27.5kg)
• 3x15 abductors (35 > 40 > 42.5kg)
• 10 minutes elliptical (5 - 1min) (6 - 4min) (7 - 1min) (8 - 2min) (7 - 1min) (6 - 1min)

Smile! (legs)

Yesterday i had planned to work-out, but something happened so i basically spend most of the day in bed. A really shitty day. I want today to be better. So i'm gonna work-out!

I btw realized that when i grab my legs i can really feel the muscle definition. My upper legs feel really hard, which is nice! I can't see the progress that much tbh but i can feel it!!!

I did a pretty long stretch of about 20 minutes and then i did bulgarian split squats and then i had to do the rest and i just couldn't get myself to put the weights on the barbell. I think i am going to get my period cause i just feel weaker in general. I did 1 set of bodyweight squats and i did 1 set of romanian deadlifts with my dumbbell and i called it quits LOL. At least i tried :)

• Bulgarian split squats 3x12 (7.5kg) 
• Squats with empty barbell 1x15 
• Romanian deadlifts 1x15 (7.5kg) 

PT: Day 15 (but he isn't there)

Today is gym day! But i have to go on my own cause apparently the dude has some type of coaching day again from his job. So i will train my legs today and then Friday i will do upper body with the PT. A little bit annoyed but at least i can go to the gym earlier now. I even went to bed early so i could get up early!

I will vent a bit under the jump break about my weekend and what i will be doing this week.

• Elliptical 5 (1min) 6 (4min) 7 > 8 > 7 > 6 > 5 (all for 1 minute)
• Leg press 1x15 (30kg), 4x12 (50-60kg), 1x10 (70kg)
• Abductor 1x15 (35kg), 3x12 (40kg)
• Leg curl 3x12 (27.5kg), 1x12 (25kg)
• Adductor (stretch) 2x15 (27.5kg), 2x12 (30kg)
• Leg extension 1x12 (30 kg), 3x8 (35kg), 2x4 2x3 (35kg) 1x6 4x4 3x3 (30kg)

Chill day

Yesterday i made a wonderful pasta sauce for lunch, but i had some left over and didn't want to eat pasta again for dinner as well. So i caved and got a fresh french bread at the supermarket bakery. Oof. So good!!! Usually when i want to lose weight i prefer to not eat white carbs like white pasta and bread, but i don't regret it! I ate a little bit under my calorie goal and didn't feel hungry before going to bed. Although, at one point i wanted to eat something so i got a protein pudding i had in the fridge. It was a new one with tropical flavor? It was really nice. It had 164 calories and 15g of protein for 200 grams. So that was pretty swell. 

Today i woke up at a reasonable time but i stayed in bed and kept falling asleep and just lazing around. I felt that my body needed it so i just gave in to it. I usually prefer to do that during the weekend, but since my roommate usually gets up early i don't do that anymore, so i have to do it during the week. Oh well...

Right now it is almost 3PM and i want to do some work and also do some ab exercises. So i'm gonna get to it!

Small update but i almost ate 2,000 calories today :( About 700 of those calories came from bread. So i ate very little in volume overall. That stuff adds up fast!!! I hate it!!! At least on Saturday me and a friend will go to a concert so i will burn some calories there, but i still hate that i ate so much today, UGH.

PT: Day 13 (upper body) (and American elections!)

Today are the American elections. I don't really care that much tbh. I am a little bit burned out by it all. My Youtube frontpage is currently filled with Youtubers who i sometimes watch livestreaming, which is kind of funny. I tuned into all of them and they are all kind of boring so now i had wished i was livestreaming. Oh well... 

Today at the gym it went pretty well. Upper body with dumbbells again. I have no idea half the sh*t i am doing lol. I will have to ask my PT about the exercises that i do so i can properly write it down here. I was also on time today (appointment at 14.30, i am there at 14.15 to do cardio) but my PT was already there. So i asked if he maybe wants to meet earlier? Because today i was ready to go at like 1PM and i was being annoyed that i had to wait for over an hour to go, so yeah, we have now decided that i will be there at 2PM. So at least that.

There was also one of the "bigger men" at the gym there. He always wears shorts lol. He is a bit older than most people there. He's really nice. He gives like a nice vibe energy~ that i like. At one point he was working out next to me and he was huffing and puffing lol. Good for him! 

For the adductors i did at the end i finally got to put the seat at 5 instead of 6 and that helped soooo much. I immediately felt the difference and the stretch in my adductors. It felt so good! I've been having DOMs in my addies ever since. Yay! I also had to go down in weight cause of it, which is good!!!

• 10 minutes elliptical (5 - 6 minutes) (6 - 1 minute) (7 - 1 minute) (8 - 2 minutes) (7>6 - 1 minute)
• 10 minutes treadmill (5/5 - 5 minutes) (6/6 - 5 minutes)
• 3x12 rows ??kg
• 3x12 lat pulldown ??kg
• 3x10 lie down dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 sit up dumbbell something 4kg
• 3x10 tricep pulldown idk 7.5kg
• 4x15 adductors (25 > 30 > 27.5 > 25kg)

Nice weather (leg day)

Today is totally opposite weather of what it was last week! It is a little bit chilly, sure, but the sun is shining and the sky is blue with white clouds! I feel a little bit tired today, even though i slept well. This week i hope to ingest more protein! I also checked out my legs and butt in the mirror yesterday and everything looks so much better, ugh. My butt is nice and round again and my thighs begin to take nice shape. I just have to lose some weight to get the nice definition toned look that i want.

I can definitely go up in weight when it comes to hip thrusts (20kg easy) and Romanian deadlifts i will do 10kg next time. I just want to build it slow so even if the weight is too easy i will just do 15 reps and then when i am finally at a weight where i feel some push back i can lower the reps. I just don't want to go too fast and injure myself.

• Bulgarian split squats 3x12 (7.5kg) 
• Hip thrusts 4x12 (14kg) 
• Romanian deadlifts 4x15 (8kg) 
• Squats 1x15 (0kg) 4x15 (4kg)

PT: Day 12 (lower body)

I forgot exactly what i did today. I only remember i did 4 sets of everything and i mostly went up or stayed the same in weights as the last time. Also the PT brought his intern today. She was really normie, but really nice. At one point, to comfort me, she was like "look, no one in the gym pays attention to you!" and she started flossing LOL. When i came home i still felt like i had some energy so i dead some RDLs with 10kg.

• 10 minutes treadmill (5 hill, 5km/h)
• leg press 1x15 30kg, 3x12 leg press, 1x10 70kg
• abductors 3x12, 35kg - 1x12, 37.5kg
• leg curl 4x12 22.5kg
• leg extension 1x12 30kg, 3x8 35kg
• romanian deadlifts 4x12 10kg