Food

I have been sleeping horribly the last few days and i also didn't have access to my ADHD medication which made my days very chaotic. On Tuesday i managed to do my upper-body day and yesterday i didn't do my core day. Today i was supposed to go to the gym and do leg day but since i woke up pretty late so i don't think that's gonna happen anymore. I am now thinking about doing leg day at home. The weather is pretty warm so i have to wait till later tonight to do it. Tomorrow i might go to the gym to do cardio and core. I feel like my body looks pretty good right now except for my stomach. I have the "stomach lines" but for some reason there is a giant blob of fat on the middle of my stomach. I think this might be because i have been eating a lot of bread the last few days lol. Next week i'll go on a stricter diet where i'll plan out all my meals so i won't be seduced by the thought of bread. I might do that today so i can go to the store tomorrow and get most of the foods that i need to start my "cleanse" next week. My biggest problem is usually eating enough in terms of calories, cause either i eat too much or too little. But maybe it is good that i will plan out my meals since i haven't really been hungry the last few weeks. So even eating foods that taste good don't make me feel good anymore. Planning out my meals will help i guess. If i will eat one protein bar and drink one protein smoothie i'm already half way to my daily protein intake. So if i just get that in my daily routine i think i will be fine.

It has been a long, long time

Gosh, it feels like i haven't written in ages. Which is kind of true tbh. A lot has happened in my personal life and this summer was just one big pile of chaos. Besides that, there was a lot of rain. So not a lot of summer to be had. Gym has been going on and off. Last week i felt very motivated and i even went to the gym to finally do my cardio day (walking up hill). It went really well but i was really sweaty lol. This week i feel demotivated again which made me want to write here. I looked through some pictures of my body on my phone and my body looked at its best in May. I was very lean, but my butt looked nice and firm and my legs looked nice too. I don't know where my body is at right now. It feels flabby. I think that is because i haven't been doing any core days.

I also had my period last week, and i believe that the week after your period you are at your weakest. So maybe that also has to do with me not feeling motivated. I've been reading through some of my posts here to see what i exactly was doing and it seems that working out at home with a mix of working out at the gym is very important. Right now i have mainly been doing either/or. I have been working out at home a lot since i've been slacking at the gym tho and i can almost squat 20kg now. My romanian deadlift is 20kg and i could probably do more but i need to buy wrist straps.

My upper body has also become stronger. I can easily hang on my pull-up bar now and lift my knees without losing my breath. I can tell my body is stronger and healthier, but it doesn't really look that way.

I also have been losing my appetite these last few weeks so keeping up with my protein is a pain in the ass as well.

Today (monday) i was supposed to go to the gym for leg day but i didn't go. I have just been feeling out of it. Tomorrow is upper body day. I'm thinking to go to the gym to do a quick cardio routine and then maybe do LAT pulldowns. For some reason i don't want to do LAT pulldowns anymore. I feel like i am doing it wrong and i look like an idiot at the gym, even though that is probably not true and nobody is looking at me. But since i have been feeling out of it i will just stay at home. I have leg days now reserved for Monday and Thursday because i usually have DOMs that last for days. Although i feel like i had DOMs as well back when i worked out more and i worked out 3 days a week. I still think i should do 3 leg days but i don't know how to schedule them. 

Monday>Leg day at gym
Tuesday>Upper body at home
Wednesday>Cardio + core
Thursday>Leg day at gym
Friday>Cardio + core
Saturday>Leg day at home

My only problem is that usually with leg day at home my legs hurt for at least 3 days. So idk if i should do leg day at the gym on Monday/Wednesday and then Leg day at home on Friday. Uggghhghghghg. Idk but i need to figure it out. I could say that i just do monday leg day at the gym and then the week after that on tuesday and i keep scooting everything but the problem is that i have so much anxiety about going to the gym and i don't know when it will be crowded and stuff.

After having had to deal with the youngsters at my gym for some time i started going at around 4PM and there were way better gym people. But the other day when i went to do cardio, at around 5PM it started to become really crowded. Idk i feel like no one at the gym even has a proper schedule except for a few people and people just come and go lol. I wish i could stop caring but i cant because the gym is so small and people hogging certain machines is really annoying.

Anyways, for this week i will keep the schedule i just made. Which means upper body at home tomorrow and gym on Wednesday! I might do some squats before bed tonight tho.

Laaaaaaazy

So i've been kinda lazy cause of the warm weather. It alternates a lot between unbearably hot and then other days where it is so-so. This puts my entire schedule in a rut and i don't know what to do anymore. I also got my doggie now so at least we take two daily kinda long walks which is nice. She's not a dog that needs lots of attention which is also nice (she enjoys the attention tho lol), but she sheds A LOT of hair. I have to brush her daily and even then i still have to vacuum once or twice a day. She also likes to dig so she sometimes brings a lot of sand inside that i then also have to vacuum up, so that takes some time out of my day as well which can be annoying. She is not the reason why i don't work out tho or why i rarely go to the gym anymore, but i think it is just the overwhelmedness of everything and not being able to properly section my days and just deciding to spend time with her at home feels more productive than going to the gym where i will feel anxious and out of place.

The other day (on Tuesday) i went to the gym at 3 in the afternoon and it was about as crowded as usual but there were more serious people who weren't staring at me or other people and just minding their own business so the environment was a bit more bearable to be in. I still have anxiety about going tho.

Anyways, i do one arm/shoulder/back day a week and then one or two leg/glute days. I have totally been neglecting my core AND IT IS NOTICEABLE. This has to change. So, i was thinking to do core every other day for the coming 12 days or so. Before i did core 1-2 days a week and i looked super good so i kinda want that back. I could even just do core stuff the minute i wake up so i don't have to worry about it the rest of the day. I don't know, but i am determined to do something about it. And i'll start tomorrow or maybe even today if i am bored tonight.

I also need to start eating better cause i just eat whatever~ and not really keeping tabs on how much protein i am eating. I have been eating more carbs and that also has to change. I am just about to walk to the store with my doggie to get some food for the weekend and i will look at what i can do for food for the coming days. The problem is also that i very often eat at shitty times and when it is really warm i usually am not in the mood to cook dinner around dinner time. So i eat dinner super late. I just need to start eating dinner earlier i guess that could help. Ugh, so many things working against me and i have been struggling with motivation a lot these days too so it sucks. My house is a mess as well. I cleaned it up last week and it looked so good and i made it a mess again. I hate having ADHD.

My bike got stolen!!!

Remember how in my last post i said something was going to go wrong because everything is going so well? Well, that happened not long after i posted. I went outside to put the trash out and i realized my flowers had been moved, which i found strange. I thought that maybe someone put them there cause they blew over because of the wind. But then i realized my bike was gone. Someone stole my fcking bike!!! I have two bikes in front of my house, my upstairs neighbor has a bike in front of their house. The neighbor next to me has a bike in front of their house too. The neighbors next to that have a motorcycle, but they decided to steal MY bike. And not only that, they also stole one of my fucking flowers. I think i am more mad about that. The bike also has sentimental value cause it was my grandma's. And it has a little seat cover on it that i also got from my grandma. I walked for an hour around my neighborhood to see if they dumped it somewhere but i didn't find anything. There's one more neighborhood that i can go to that is full with trailer trash people/asocial people. That is the only place i haven't checked yet. I thought to maybe stay up tonight and see if they will come back to steal more of my flowers. I am livid!!! I still have to go to the inner city to go to the store and it is too warm to walk tbh. I might take the bus. I did find a new bike for 20 bucks that has something wrong with the behind wheel but that is fine, i can fix that. 20 bucks for a bike is nothing. I send a message to the seller and am waiting for a reply now. Hopefully they reply soon so i can pick it up today.

Update: I found my bike back. It was parked at a bike parking lot near a big facility near my house. It wasn't there the first time i checked. The lock was still on it and so was everything else. The tires had sand on it so i have no idea where it has been tbh. I am just glad that i have it back! The new bike that i have is pretty cool cause of the big basket at the front; it helps a lot when i have to do grocery shopping, but it bikes like shiiiiit. I think its cause the cogwheel is very small. I asked the bike repair guy to fix it but i am not sure if he did and i am also not sure if it is fixable at all, but i don't have to worry about that too much right now because i have my OG bike back and it is the bestest bike ever cause it bikes so well! Such a smooth bike!!!

Rest day (horrible DOMs)

In my previous post i caught you up on what i have been doing this month. The gym becomes less and less attractive to me because of the people there and also the warm weather. The warm weather mainly attributes to it being really warm (doh) but then having to wear less clothes. My period is coming up so i have been pretty bloated the last couple of days and it makes me insecure. When i went to the gym the other day i went in a crop tank top with baggy pants and it made me feel pretty good. I just don't want to go in shorts or whatever and i feel like people will judge me, which is silly, i know. People will always judge you no matter what. But it's just a very body conscience thing, especially cause there are so many young people at my gym and i hate it. I am still trying to figure out the "quiet times" but now that summer vacation is around the corner i feel like it is becoming worse. I am also extremely pale and i don't tan easily which attributes to me not wanting to show my legs in the gym lol. 

I should just try to go every day and at least do cardio (cause i really need to lose some fat around my waist) and then that way i can also gauge if there are many people. I think usually it is the most quiet around 12, every day, except probably the weekend.

I also wanted to go to the gym today to do leg day but my DOMs are insane. That's why i wanted to keep my squatting leg days and stuff for in the weekend lol. So today i will take a rest day and i will see how i feel tomorrow cause then i'll just go to the gym. It seems very not-crowded on Fridays since it's weekend and no one spends time at the gym then.

And on Saturday i will be able to pick up my new lovely dog! I am super excited for it. I have been cleaning my apartment for 2 weeks now cause i want everything to be perfect for her. Today i want to go to the store to get her some new bowls and stuff. And i still have to clean the rug in my living room cause i had a dog i baby sat a few weeks ago and she lost a lot of hair. All that hair is in the rug and wont come out!!! I read on the internet that you can remove it more easily with laundry detergent so i need to try that. 

I also want to really get my backyard ready for when it becomes warmer weather so i can sit outside with my dog. I need to get a bigger extension cable so i can sit outside with my laptop and at least work on stuff while hanging out with her. I believe last summer i saw this huge bed/chair thing that you could put in your backyard. It was like a little dome you could sit in, and if you are small enough, even lay in. It was big enough that you could drape a mosquito net over it to keep mosquitos out and i really wanted to buy it but it was so, so expensive. I made a picture of it and i still dream of it every summer. It would be perfect to hang out in with my doggie and work with it on my laptop especially since it is a dome, you wouldn't have to worry about the sun and stuff.

Ah i keep rambling haha. I still feel like i have so much to do before the dog comes but i basically have everything in working order. I might need to go to the store to make sure i have enough groceries that will last me the entirety of next week so i don't have to leave her alone at home next week to go grocery shopping. I also don't know how she will do alone, if she is destructive, if she is a barker. I don't know anything about her!!!

But yeah anyways, my DOMs today are horrible. When i want to sit down on the toilet i have to hold on to something to lower myself down LOL, and the same when getting back up again. Doing squats and RDLs and stuff really kill me every time, but that's a good thing. I realized that my body has changed a lot the last few months and i am really proud of myself. I also realized how much my glute muscles have grown. When i push down on my butt now i can't feel the bone anymore which is pretty insane. It feels like a little cushion now. Even though my butt isn't that huge, there is definitely a difference with how it was before and i am excited to see how much more it is going to change! I also see a big difference in my quads. My legs are slimmer now but the top side of my quads are bulkier. I am getting into a really nice shape and am excited to see where this will take me in the next months. I am especially excited for winter because it will be easier for me to bulk up (eat more without being self conscience about it) so it will be easier to gain muscle i think. Also, it will probably be easier to go to the gym.

All in all, i feel like a lot of good things are happening right now. I am starting to feel like my old self again. I can get stuff done. I am working out more often. I am more focused on my new dog now. I have prospects. I am excited to grow in terms of fitness, and i also hope that the next half of this year i will grow in my working field. And also i hope, of course, that i will have a nice relationship with my dog.  My best friend might move here also after summer so there are so many things i can now look forward to! I am just a bit scared cause whenever i am this happy something shitty happens that always punches me down again, but we will see. 

June!!!

AAAAAAAAAAA it's june!!! It's my birth month!!! My birthday was actually last Saturday. I had a pretty nice birthday with a unicorn cake that costed way too much money but at least i had it all too myself. I ate from it for like 4 days haha. It was a nice breakfast and dessert to have. I did work-out the last few days but didn't write about it here so i will catch you up:

Tuesday, May 30

Wanted to go to the gym today but ended up working out at home. I felt kinda weak today so didn't push myself too hard. Hip thrusts hurt my butt so i should keep the weight but should go up in reps.

• Squats 4x10 10kg 
• RDL 4x10 16kg 
• Hip thrusts 4x8 20kg 
• Bulgarians 3x10 7.5kg

Thursday, June 1

Went to the gym. Ended up starting with a higher weight in hip adductors and it was so easy. Then went down in weight at the end. I could've probably easily done 40kg. Next time i am going to start with 35 kg. At home i did RDLs.

• Hip adductors 1x15 (30kg), 1x12 (30kg), 2x12 (25kg)
• Leg press 1x15 (50kg), 2x12 (60kg), 2x10 (70kg)
• Leg extension 1x10 (20kg), 2x10 (25kg), 2x8 (30kg)
• RDL 2x12 (10kg), 2x10 (14kg) 

On Friday (June 2) I did some preparations for my birthday and on Saturday (June 3) was my birthday so i did absolutely nothing haha. My birthday was nice. It was quiet and just as i wanted it to be. I ate pizza for dinner! On Sunday i didn't do anything either. I had pizza left-overs and some other snacks for left overs so i ate like a savage haha. 

Monday, June 5

Decided to upper body day today:

• bent-over barbell row 4x10 (10kg)
• bar curl 4x12 (4kg)
• Bent over dumbbell row 3x12 (7.5kg) (single arm)
• Dumbell shoulder press 4x8 (4kg)
• sitting oblique twists with bar 3x12
• Dumbbell side bend 3x12 (7.5kg)
• Negative pull-ups 5x5

Tuesday, June 6

Wanted to go to the gym but decided against it so did leg day at home:

• Squats 4x10 12kg 
• RDL 2x12 14kg, 2x10 16kg
• Hip thrusts 4x10 20kg (next time 30kg, 10+5 weights easy)
• Bulgarians 3x10 7.5kg

Wednesday, June 7

Core day!!!

• Bicycle crunches 4x20 (per leg)
• Seated knee tuck 3x15 
• 3x15 Reversed crunch
• Dead bug 3x15 (per leg)
• 3x12 Weighted oblique twist (per side) (7.5kg)

Pentecost (core4jesus) (lol)

DOMs were better today. Arms/shoulders hurt only a little bit because of yesterday and legs are only a tiny bit more sore. Tomorrow leg day at gym again. It's Tuesday so it is usually a little bit less crowded. I ate a bit too much dinner tonight so i hope that wont bother me too much tomorrow. 

Today i did:

• Bicycle crunches 4x20 (per leg)
• Seated knee tuck 3x15 
• 3x15 Reversed crunch
• Dead bug 3x15 (per leg)
• 3x12 Weighted oblique twist (per side) (7.5kg)
• 3x15 Dumbbell side bend (per side) (7.5kg)
• Sitting oblique twist with bar 3x12

The bicycle crunches nearly ended me. I also wanted to do leg raises but i just couldn't get myself to do them so i didn't. I have kind of been neglecting the pull-up bar all together but i can tell that i am getting a bit stronger cause i can lift myself up ever-so-slightly. I need to start doing the lat raises again at the gym but usually after i do my leg raises i feel DESTROYED.

DOMs

I kind of got distracted on Thursday and ended up not doing upper body. And on Friday i had a lot of stuff to do and i didn't go to the gym (which ended up being a good thing) but i did work-out at home. I ended up doing:

• Squats 4x10 12kg 
• RDL 4x10 20kg 
• Hip thrusts 4x8 20kg 
• Bulgarians 3x10 7.5kg

Yesterday i kind of had DOMs that became worse the later it got, but today the DOMs are insane. Today was supposed to be leg day but i wont be able to do it LOL. I think as i go heavier in weight (especially with squats etc.) i might need longer rest days. Whenever i go to the gym i am ok but at home with heavy squats.. yea. That might change when i start incorporating the smith machine at the gym tho. Maybe if i do leg day at home early in the day, and then in the evening go to the gym for cardio, it will lower my DOMs, but i will need to test that out.

I got halfway through an upper body routine yesterday but i am not gonna count that, so i will just do upper body and some core today since i wont do leg day. Tomorrow i will just do strictly core and Tuesday leg day at the gym. Also this weekend (today/tomorrow) is Pentecost, so good thing i don't have to go to the gym tomorrow hehe. 

So today i will just do the lil schedule that i had whipped up for Thursday.

Baby sitting dog!

I have a lil dog i have to dogsit until Saturday which is fun! Also, lots of stuff to do today and tomorrow. Need to set up my partial fence for my yard tomorrow for the dog i have adopted, so i need to get some stuff for that. I also need to go to the store to grocery shop (properly). Today i am going to do upper body  at home. I think i will keep the same weights as i did last time, since i haven't worked out my arms for a while and i will just write down which exercises went easiest, so i can adjust next time. My problem is also that i don't want to build huge arms, so i don't have to go up in weight too much when i work-out my my upper body!

• bent-over barbell row 4x12 (14kg)
• bar curl 4x12 (6kg)
• dumbbell shoulder press 4x12 (4kg)
• bent over lateral raise 4x12 (2kg)
• sitting oblique twists with bar 3x12
• Dumbbell side bend 3x12 (10kg)
• Negative pull-ups 5x5

Edit: i didn't work-out today lol

Wednesday at the gym

Sooo i didn't go to the gym on monday. I felt very down and had a bit of a depressive break. Yesterday i ended up going to the garden store and got some flowers and other stuff for my yard so i felt a little bit better after that. I did go to the gym today. I ended up going a bit later. Google said that almost no one would be there between 12 and 3. So i went around 12. There were like 7 people maybe. It was really nice. I also didn't go to the locker room. I just hung up my hoodie and my bag and immediately started working out. When i wanted to go home i put everything in my bag and went home. I wore my gym shoes but i was on my bike so i barely wore it outside so my shoes were clean.

• Warm-up cardio (20 minutes)

• Hip adductors 1x15 (25kg), 1x15 (30kg), 2x12 (30kg)

• Leg press 1x15 (50kg), 2x12 (60kg), 2x10 (70kg)

• Leg extension 1x10 (20kg), 2x10 (25kg), 2x8 (30kg)

• RDL 2x12 (10kg), 2x10 (14kg)

I did adductors today and i was really struggling. I don't know why they are such a difficult work-out to do whenever i haven't done them for a while. Also, the first set is always easy. Second one i struggle more and then after that it is just downhill. I wanted to do 35kg and 40kg but i couldn't manage to do so. I think next time i should pyramid down instead of pyramid up on adductors/abductors since i obviously struggle with them for some reason.

The leg press went pretty well. I could tell that i hadn't worked out in a while cause i did struggle a little bit but i ended up doing 2 reps of 10 with 70kg so i was pretty proud of that. On Friday i'm gonna see how many i can do with 80kg (probably not many).

I wanted to do cable kickbacks but someone was at the cable machine and near the other one was a group of zoomers so i didn't feel comfortable so i left those out.

Leg extension was PAIN, as always. I could barely walk after (as always). I did manage to do 30kg today so i am happy with that. Next time i am going to start with 25kg and i'm gonna try and do 35kg. I think i could easily do that.

At home i wanted to do hip thrusts but i felt more like doing squats. I first did warm up squats with just my barbell and my quads were burning so much still from the leg extension that i just did RDLs cause i didn't work out my hamstrings today, which ended up being a good conclusion to my workout! Happy!

Sunday funday

Was supposed to do arms today and core but didn't happen. Kind of annoyed with myself, at least i got a little bit of cardio with the dog. I also look more flabby again so i really want to go a bit harder this week. I just wrote out what i want to do tomorrow at the gym. I also think i will go a bit later, since now all the zoomers go at the same time to the gym which is around 10-11 i would say. But also i realized that those really young kids usually go around 12. I am supposed to trust Google it says that there is almost no one at 2-3, but last time i fell for that a group of teens came in (i guess after school). I think i'll go tomorrow at around 11.45AM then i have 20 minutes of cardio and i should be done at around 12.15PM and i should be home at around 13.15PM. It is so difficult to gauge how many people there are at the gym cause it keeps changing depending on the days that you go too. I'm pretty sure that i clearly remember there being a lot of people around 12-1 too, so idk anymore.

I do want to try to go to the gym every day, if anything just for cardio. My birthday is in early june and i want to look good lol. I also need to make an overview of what to eat so i can hit my protein intake. I bought bananas last time i was at the store and i got some vegan protein powder on discount (no idea if it's any good) so i can at least make smoothies with that.

I just really hope it is not crowded tomorrow at my chosen time. Now i am doubting myself.