Day 5/25

So this "series" isn't going too well lol. I keep sleeping in. I did it again today. I wonder if it is the cold? Cause it is pretty cold the last few days. I was thinking to go to my grandparents today, but then i figured i could go tomorrow after my group perhaps, since i'm outside then already anyways. I just need to go to bed early tonight, so i can get up early enough to take the dog for a walk, since i'll be gone all afternoon.

Because i skipped my upper body yesterday, and i had nothing planned for today, i will do my upper body today. I just have to figure out what i want to do. I have also decided i'll do a juice/fluid fast for like two or three days one of these days, cause i feel so bloated. Going to my grandparents will be nice cause it is additional cardio (cause i will bike). It just sucks that it is so cold.

Day 4/25

Last night my friend and his friend came back to my place and we hung out. His friend stayed till like 2AM. It was fun, i guess. But because it was so late my friend asked if he could sleep over. And i was like "sure, but only if you drive me to the store tomorrow." So then today he woke up and he worked more on his truck, and i slept in a bit more. Once i got up we went to the store and then i made us dinner. I was very tired, so i decided to not work-out. I'm kinda bummed that didn't happen, but whatever. Gonna try and get up earlier tomorrow again so maybe i'll go to bed earlier tonight.

Day 3/25

I was very annoyed with myself today that i didn't clean the bathroom yesterday nor did i do leg day, but i took a bigger dose of my ADHD medication today and i managed to clean the whole bathroom and i felt pretty accomplished. I have been neglecting my bathroom for quite some time. I would clean my toilet of course, cause i can't stand a dirty toilet, but otherwise the bathroom was neglected. The only thing i have to do is clean the wall tiles, cause they have been getting pretty bad, and also the filter, but i'll do that some other time. 

I also cheated a bit yesterday with food. I didn't eat very high protein cause i had left-over sauce from the day before and i ate some cookies. So i hope to do better today, although i do not know yet what i want to eat. I will probably go to the store later, though.

Day 2/25

I woke up late again. Surprise! And then the rest of the day i just stared at the wall basically and i did not do leg day at home either nor did i clean. I think i was overwhelmed with tomorrow. However, i did walk the dog and i did run. I think in total i ran like 10-15 minutes. I didn't really keep time. I would just run until a certain spot and then i would walk back to my dog. I would then start running again after i'd catch my breath, but wasn't entirely rested either. This worked pretty well! 

Also, i have DOMs in my abdominal area so i guess what i did yesterday worked.

Day 1/25

Of course i fucked stuff up with my alarm and i just snoozed it 3 times and i slept in hard. But then again, i fell asleep pretty late as well. Today i was supposed to go to the gym for my leg day, but because i woke up later than i wanted, all my motivation drained and i hated myself. Whoops. So i will just switch it up (i already changed it in the previous post). I will keep all the days the same, except for the starting days. So today i will do core, tomorrow legs at the gym, and on Saturday i will do upper body. I think that that is a pretty decent schedule, and then on Sunday i will still do my legs at home to keep the schedule going. I just have to make sure that when i set my phone alarm that i put my phone far away from my bed. 

The problem is just that i am sleeping like absolute crap the last few weeks, mainly because of my upstairs neighbors. A few times i wasn't able to sleep until 7 in the morning. It feels like torture, but at the same time i don't want them to dictate my life anymore, and i really want to succeed with this. So i am going to try really hard to go to sleep on time tonight and wake up at a reasonable time also.

I also checked the gym and how crowded it will be and it showed that Thursday is basically the least busiest time until like 5-6pm. So now i hate myself even more cause i could've easily gone still. Tomorrow it shows that it is busy all day. This is how i have to repay for my sin of snoozing the alarm.

I also have to go to the store to get all my groceries to start eating more decently and protein dense, but i am ok with doing that somewhere this weekend. I am in no rush.

So today i did:

• 30 seconds Decline front plank 
• 1x12 Crunch with leg raise
• 1x8 Long arm crunch
• 1x15 Dead bug (no arms)  
• 1x12 Dumbbell side bend
• 1x12 Seated barbell twist (4kg)
• 1x20 Bicycle crunch 
• 1x12 Weighted Russian twist 

I just went to the weight training guide website and clicked on core and selected some exercises that i wanted to do. I took about 30-90 second breaks based on feel. I think i finished it in about 15 minutes. I had two longer breaks because i got distracted, so in total it actually took me like 30+ minutes lol.

Brainstorm + schedule

I'm brainstorming right now what to do for food. I am thinking never to eat over 1,200 calories, since this will be for fat loss, so i have to be in a calorie deficit. And then a minimum of 60 grams of protein, but preferably a minimum of 80. 

I checked some of my old food diaries and on the days where i get around 1,200 calories and 100g+ protein i eat oatmeal with protein powder, protein snacks (protein chips/bars etc.), and pasta with seitan. Especially the seitan is only like 164 calories and 30g of protein. Compared to tofu minced meat with 178 calories and 19g of protein. So i think i need to invest in seitan.

Next to that, i was thinking to maybe, at the start of my day, make a protein shake made out of espresso powder + protein powder + cacao powder. It will be less calories than oatmeal, cause the oatmeal is like 166 calories and only gives 11g protein. The protein isn't even my problem in that equation, it is more the calories VS protein problem that i have.

And then i have the protein yogurt i sometimes eat, which is like 56 calories and 9.4g of protein per 100 grams. So i could eat more of that cause the calorie-protein ratio is amazing.

I just need to go to the store and stock up on those products lol. I'm checking online now too to see if i can get some good deals.

And then now for working out... i checked some of my old posts and saw the Will video i posted where he did leg day every 2 days (48 hours). So i will adopt that too. If a day falls in the weekend i will do a leg day at home, if it falls on a weekday i will do my leg day in the gym. Then i want to do upper body as well, at home, and then core days. And then i will run whenever i walk the dog at night. So it will look like this (starting tomorrow): 

Leg day
Fri→ Sun (1) → Wed → Sat (2) → Tue → Fri (3) → Mon → Thu → Sun (4)

Upper body
Sat (1) → Thu (2) → Wed (3) → Tue (4)

Core
Thu (1) → Tue → Fri (2)→ Mon → Thu → Sun (3) → Wed → Sat (4)

I just have to lock in super hard for a month. I know i can do this. And i hope that once i get the ball rolling i can keep going. Aaaaaaaaaaa. I at least want to keep going with the leg days, everything else can die a quiet death for all i care. I need my booty back and i miss my thicker thighs. 

External pressure, yay

At the beginning of this week i made the decision to only eat dinner every day, because i constantly feel bloated. This started happening shortly after Christmas. I think it's because i bought a lot of food for Christmas, and the weeks following Christmas i was eating all of it. I also stopped taking my ADHD medication, so it was also easier for me to overeat. I also made a new planning for working out, but i keep not doing it for some reason.

But behold! Today i got a letter from my psych place. They want to do a bodily screening to figure out where my anxiety problems come from, and that my body and/or health in general can aid to it. So, that will happen on the 16th of february! Which is 26 days away (almost 1 month). So i have 1 month time to shed weight and get healthier, because they WILL weigh me. And as previously seen, i care a lot about that. And i need external motivation to get things done.

SO... i was already thinking that maybe on my nightly walks with my dogs i will start running. She usually likes to take her time by sniffing things and we are often outside for 30-60 minutes. If i just do interval running (so run/walk cycles) i can build up my stamina, and then i can also do cardio again in the gym. Since i walk my dog at night almost every night, this will be a good thing i think.

I then also need to start lifting again. For some reason i constantly fret about it. I don't know why. It annoys the heck out of me, so i hope that the february appointment adds to the external pressure and overrides the anxiety. I guess we will see!

So i will start counting calories again, and i might do some fluid fasts or extreme low calorie diets so i can get my desired body back again. 

Gym troubles

I keep telling myself "tomorrow i'll go to the gym" and then i don't. And then i say "on Monday i will go to the gym" and then i don't. And then i hate myself.

Rinse repeat rinse repeat rinse repeat. It's getting tiring :( Like today i wanted to go to the gym after my ADHD group, but my friend has to go somewhere and he asked if i wanted to come with, so i don't have time to go to the gym. Ahh, so tiring!!! I also don't work-out at home cause i feel so tired all the time, i don't know why. Like my body is giving up on me or something. I also don't eat that well anymore so it probably has something to do with that.

I think the days i will keep to go to the gym are Tuesday and Friday. Tuesday after my ADHD group and Friday whenever i wake up. And then from there i'll see what happens. Because i wont be able to go today so i will just do 5x5 squats at least, and maybe 5x5 RDL when i come back.

I also have to figure out my diet again, cause it is atrocious right now.

Some changes per November 2025

Some things that have changed in my life that i haven't written about here:

• My hair is silver/white again (yay)
• I am using an app now called Finch that helps a lot with my ADHD and keeping tasks and actually also doing them
• I have a cat (long story)
• My ADHD group is taking off
• I am still not editing my own videos for Youtube
• Going to the gym is difficult

ADHD group stuff

So every week we come up with a task at the ADHD group. I don't know if i said that last time. And last time i made the gym my task. And this week, i nicely went around the group asking everyone what their task would be for this week and no one asked me :) At one point they were discussing music and what everyone's favorite music is and no one asked me :). I literally feel left out in my own group. It might be because i am the "leader", but i literally set up this group as an accountability thing for myself. But now it is just another dead weight in my life. Everyone in my group always talks about how much they think of other people that they forget themselves or do not prioritize themselves, and i'm like "yep, think of everyone but me :)". So often IN MY OWN FUCKING GROUP i get left out, people don't ask me things. I am always the one asking everything. And i know i can speak up about it, but if they are all praising themselves on how much they think of others, but no one thinks of me... then i don't even want to share anymore.

So now i am back from the ADHD group, i wanted to make it a "task" that i was gonna go to the gym, and i don't even want to go anymore. I feel sick. I keep telling myself "just go tomorrow" but i know that i wont go. So now i have to figure out a way that i will force myself to go which is also why i'm typing here. I just hate, hate, hate that i keep trying to get myself to do things, and then in the process i find a way to help everyone but myself. And that happens every time. I am never a priority. To anyone. Ever.

Sorry for the doom posting. I want to keep this blog positive and about self-improvement and stuff, but it is really bothering me. And if i say anything then people will make a mental note and ask about me only because i told them to, not because they are genuinely interested. I guess i am just not genuinely interesting enough.

I'm back!!!

I actually wanted to write yesterday, but i didn't. I only wrote the word "Bwuh". Well, i did it! I went to the gym today!! I think the last time i went was 28th of july. And i promised myself i would go today after my ADHD group. I first went home. Got dressed and stuff and then i just went. It wasn't that crowded, not more crowded than it usually is during the afternoon. At one point tho there were people hogging my leg equipment so i just went home cause i was already happy that i went to begin with. There was almost no one in the cardio section, so if i ever want to do cardio then i think around 5 would be a good one lol.

I calculated and i didn't go to the gym for 71 days!!! That is 2 months and 9 days. So you would think, right, that i would have lost my strength? Well no, apparently not. Which is so weird to me! I did do squats every once in a while with my barbell, but i never did it with more than 4kg on each side. Also my cardio was surprisingly good. I was sweating, but i didn't feel like i was going to die or anything. Which was also weird to me. My body seems to be adjusting well, going back to the gym. Maybe it's also cause i am on my period right now i don't know. 

I basically went back to almost all the weights that i left off on last time, which is almost impressive to me.