So every week we come up with a task at the ADHD group. I don't know if i said that last time. And last time i made the gym my task. And this week, i nicely went around the group asking everyone what their task would be for this week and no one asked me :) At one point they were discussing music and what everyone's favorite music is and no one asked me :). I literally feel left out in my own group. It might be because i am the "leader", but i literally set up this group as an accountability thing for myself. But now it is just another dead weight in my life. Everyone in my group always talks about how much they think of other people that they forget themselves or do not prioritize themselves, and i'm like "yep, think of everyone but me :)". So often IN MY OWN FUCKING GROUP i get left out, people don't ask me things. I am always the one asking everything. And i know i can speak up about it, but if they are all praising themselves on how much they think of others, but no one thinks of me... then i don't even want to share anymore.
So now i am back from the ADHD group, i wanted to make it a "task" that i was gonna go to the gym, and i don't even want to go anymore. I feel sick. I keep telling myself "just go tomorrow" but i know that i wont go. So now i have to figure out a way that i will force myself to go which is also why i'm typing here. I just hate, hate, hate that i keep trying to get myself to do things, and then in the process i find a way to help everyone but myself. And that happens every time. I am never a priority. To anyone. Ever.
Sorry for the doom posting. I want to keep this blog positive and about self-improvement and stuff, but it is really bothering me. And if i say anything then people will make a mental note and ask about me only because i told them to, not because they are genuinely interested. I guess i am just not genuinely interesting enough.
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