Rabble rabble (upper body)

I got up early this morning for an appointment and when i got there the lady i had an appointment with was like "aww i'm sorry but i am going home sick". Welp... so we rescheduled for next week. It cleaned up some time in my schedule and i ended up walking my dog for an hour. The weather was nice and she laid in the grass sometimes and i would sit next to her. Which was nice cause i have horrible DOMs (in my butt mainly) from my leg day.  While i was walking i was thinking about going to the gym maybe and walk on the threadmill some more to get my DOMs out, but i dyed my hair yesterday and i do not like what it turned out to become so i'd rather stay at home. Today is arm day tho. And currently it is 12:42 PM so that means i should work out soon to make sure i wont be bothered by the sun.

I also went to the store and i saw that they were selling some pre-workout powders. There were some nice flavors so i might buy one of them to try. They also sold really big shaker drink thingies for only 5 bucks? The smaller ones were only 4 bucks. So i might buy those as well. Speaking of buying, i bought a bunch of clothes last night. There's this (online) store that was carrying shoes that i liked, and i love that store, so i bought some things from their discount corner and then i also bought a few oversized shirts. I mainly bought those shirts in case my stomach ever gets bloated again, cause i realized how limited my wardrobe is for moments like that. Most of my oversized shirts are shirts i wear around the house and they are full with stains i can't get out. 

I also feel more motivated than ever to get in shape again. It is so horribly annoying not to be able to wear what you want to wear. Not only that, but if it is warm weather outside, and my stomach ever swells again, i'd rather have nice legs so i can wear a comfy baggy dress or a tshirt with shorts. I mean i can do that now too, but it would be nicer if my legs looked nice too. I think next year before summer i want to go on vacation, so i can get a tan before summer starts here. I constantly use this tanning oil that make my legs have a nice glow, but it is annoying, because when i shower or when i shave my legs the "fake tan" comes off too. I want to be able to have more freedom with that and i cannot tan in this sun that we have here. But it will probably be easier to maintain if i get a real tan in a warm country and then maintain it when i go back here.

I'm sorry i am rambling i do not know why i am doing this haha. It is nice to think out loud sometimes i guess but it has nothing to do with working out. Yesterday i btw did core exercises. I feel it a little bit today, but not as much as i would like to so i might have to push myself a bit harder next time. I tried to yesterday but i wasn't really feeling it. I wanted to incorporate hanging leg raises, but i just wanted it to end so i scrapped those. I think i definitely have to do 4 different exercises. I also need to do more reps next time. I can easily do that. This is what i ended up doing:

• reverse crunch 3x20
• plank 30 seconds
• lying floor leg raise 3x20
• plank 40 seconds
• bicycle crunch 3x15

And well, today is arm day. I don't remember if i said anything about upping reps or sets or weights, but i don't think so.

• short stretch/warm-up
• shoulder shrugs on pull up bar 3x6
• bent over rows 3x8 (6kg)
• bar curls 3x12 (6kg)
• arnold press 3x8 (4kg)
• sitting twists 3x12
• side bends 3x12 (7.5kg)

The only thing i need to work on is my flabby core, but that is just pure fat burning. If i get to go to the gym at least 3 times a week to do 20-30 minutes of cardio, i think i will be set!

Getting better! (leg day)

Soooo, i got my blood test results back last week and turns out i have a vitamin D deficiency, like... really badly. Leave it up to me to have a vitamin D deficiency in the height of summer! Either way, i started to take vitamin D last week and my stomach is almost back to normal now. My hourglass figure is back, what seemed like excess fat before is all gone. I am so happy omg. Last week i wanted to wear a really cute pair of pants i had and i literally looked pregnant and i couldnt close the buckle. Now my pants are all loose fitting again. I was literally convinced for a while that i just gained weight and that was the issue, so i am glad that i am getting back to normal again. And also that it was only something as benign as a vitamin deficiency and not something worse! Also, my B12 was insanely high lol. So i think i will start taking my B12 gummies every other day, instead of every day.

My roommate started his new job yesterday. It was kind of chaos cause of course on his first working day his car breaks down. He ended up having to rent a car, but he made it, so that was all good. He called a repair guy who kickstarted his battery (since that was the problem) and it works fine now. Because my roommate has his job now i made a schedule for myself for the entire week since i want to go back to the gym again. I actually had planned to go to the gym today, but i had an appointment at 11.30AM and i thought it was at 12.30PM. So my entire schedule is effed up now and my anxiety is kicking in so i will just work-out at home instead. I am planning to go to the gym on Friday tho, and maybe if i feel like it any other day i will just go there and do some cardio or something. 

But today is leg day and i don't have to worry about my roommate coming home early. It is warm weather today, but my apartment is situated in such a way that the sun hits my place around 4-5PM. Which means that i can keep it relatively cool in my house before that time. So as long as i do my work-outs in the beginning of the day i should be fine. I think i will continue with 6kg, except for hip thrusts (i will try a higher weight). I will also incorporate bulgarian split squats again (my least favorite) so i will keep my sets to 3, i think 4 will be overkill. And i might just start with the split squat so i can get it over with lol.

Today i did:

• 3x10 bulgarian split squats 7.5kg
• 3x8 hip thrusts 20kg
• 3x10 romanian deadlifts 6kg
• 3x10 squats 6kg

I really had to push myself to get through the bulgarian split squats but after that it went alright. I think next time i want to put my hip thrusts at 10kg, and make my squats and romanians 8kg.

Tomorrow i have my "rest day" where i will do some stretches and core exercises.

Stomach :(

On Thursday i called my doctor regarding my swollen stomach. It became worse and worse and is becoming painful. The doc wanted me to come in so i went there on Friday. She did a small test and said that everything seemed fine and sent me out with a blood test that i will have to take on Monday (tomorrow). Today i was supposed to meet up with someone in the city, but i ended up cancelling cause i literally couldn't wear anything without being in pain. Luckily the blood test place is basically across the street and it is a walk-in clinic so i can go there any time during the day.

On Saturday i worked out and i did a small leg day. I did:

• 3x8 squats 6kg
• 3x10 romanian deadlifts 6kg
• 3x10 hip thursts 6kg

I wanted to do more but my roommate came home so i kind of cut it short. I still have a little bit of DOMs so i guess it did something. 

Oh yeah, my roommate btw got a new job he will start next week. This time it is a proper fulltime job so he will work from 8 till 5 every day. This will help me so much with getting into a proper rhythm again, and might even help me with going to the gym again. I just have to wait one more week.

Today i did some yoga and core exercises. My stomach is literally going insane. The yoga relieved some of uncomfortableness, but only ever so slightly. I think tomorrow i will go into town to see what type of over-the-counter meds i can get to see if they help. The weirdest thing is that i can tell i lost some weight and my muscles tightened around my core, because when i bent to the right or left i have a little fat roll. That fat roll is smaller now than it was 2 weeks ago. I showed it to my roommate and he also said it looked way smaller. So i am literally losing weight while not fitting in my clothes anymore, fun! Also, i am burping a lot (at least once every 30 minutes) and i constantly feel my stomach acid going insane. I do not have any acid reflux tho... So there's obviously some gas or something? I have no clue what is going on and my doc said everything seemed fine.

On Wednesday i have physical therapy again, so i was thinking to ask my therapist if she could maybe figure out what is wrong with me or if she can do anything to help eleviate the uncomfortableness, because my doc was useless in that sense. I used to have an older man as a doctor who i had my entire childhood, but i think he retired. Now two women took over his clinic (i believe one of them is his daughter). And i really do not like either of them. They are way too passive. She even forgot to tell me i had to be sober for my blood test (something that i remembered myself and ended up looking up online to be sure). I will need a new doc. There is one clinic that is near my house and there is another one that is in my town center. I think i will check those out.

Rainy upper body day

Last night i wasn't tired so i went to bed pretty late and i forgot i had an appointment in the morning that i ended up having to cancel. Once i got up i straight went into setting up my work-out! It went really well. I didn't feel very strong today, but i believe you are at your weakest just after your period so i guess that makes sense? But i felt very energized. I didn't need a lot of rest and i added some core work-outs in between my reps and sets so i could actually tire myself out.

• short stretch/warm-up
• shoulder shrugs on pull up bar 3x6
• bent over rows 3x8 (6kg)
• bar curls 3x12 (6kg)
• arnold press 3x8 (4kg)
• sitting twists 3x12
• side bends 3x12 (7.5kg)
• all work-outs done with a 7.5kg barbell or 1kg short barbell

I think if i had only done my normal work-outs i would've been done within 30 minutes which is insane. I ended up doing everything within 45 minutes or so. In between my sets and reps i did some bicycle crunches but i didn't write those down cause i didn't really keep count.

I am also on a fluid fast. My stomach is swollen (again) and i don't know why. I read somewhere that a shortage of B12 can make your stomach swollen, but also when you overconsume B12, but i don't know if it is that. I had the same problem some time ago. Usually when i go on a fluid fast the bloating goes down after 2 days or so and i am my old self. The annoying thing is just when i wear a shirt or pants my stomach pokes out and it looks really weird. Like even my loose fitting shirts rest on my belly now which is odd as hell. And it kind of hurts too. I am not gonna keep calorie or protein intake count but since it is a fluid fast and not a water fast i can just drink my protein shakes so it is okay. I also got a meal replacement drink from the store. I found a chocolate vegan one! I've never had those but i guess i will take that as dinner. If i drink that + my protein shake + some protein chocolate mylk then i should at least have gotten 60 grams of protein today so i think i am good to go!

Warm leg day

On Monday i did my arm workouts. I forgot what i did but i wrote it down somewhere lol. I think i will be focused now on just building up my routine again. I'd rather do like 4 reps in total than nothing at all (like i am doing now). Unfortunately the weather changed a lot and it is super hot now. My roommate and i bought a fan tho so i worked out with that today and it made it tolerable. I am definitely thinking of going back to the gym again. Usually during warm weather it is kind of quiet there, but idk. Today my work-out was kind of disappointing and i didn't do what i actually wanted to do but it is okay.

Today i did (all barbell exercises +7.5kg barbell): 

• warm-up 15 minutes
• romanian deadlift 3x10 (6kg)
• squats 2x8 (6kg)
• hip thrusts 3x10 (6kg)
• stretch 15 minutes

I started with Romanians cause my dog was in the way so i couldn't do squats. I only ended up doing two sets of squats cause my left leg started to cramp really bad and i think it is important to listen to my body. Then my roommate came home and i just wanted to finish my workouts so i didn't change the weights for the hip thrusts and i bailed on the bulgarians. I was still struggling tho. 6kg felt like too much for a minute. 

I also have been reading a bit here and there about DOMs and people said that eating a lot of protein really helps with DOMs. And i am pretty sure that is true. Back when i would consume more protein my DOMs lasted not as long and were less intense compared to when i would not eat as much protein. As i said, my physical therapist was a bit upset with me and said that i pushed myself too hard when i was there a month ago with my DOMs, but i think it is my protein intake. Gonna try and aim for 80grams of protein today!

I didn't keep track of my calories today, but i tried to meet my protein limit: 20 grams protein.

Misery Loves Company

So, my roommates family came over for a little more than a week, and after that i got the flu that i needed to recover from. And now that i am finally doing better i have the worst period ever. Aaaaa!! Good thing is is that a new week is around the corner and i would like to start again. I was thinking to maybe do 3x3 or 3x5 sets for legs, because it always seems so daunting to start with legs. I remember when i first got into working out i started with 3x5 and pumped it up to 5x5 with the same weights for like 1 or 2 months and i worked out almost every day (to make it a habit basically), and when i felt comfortable i went to 3x10 and higher. After that i moved on to the gym/bought a bunch of my own weights. I think what is important now is that i get into my routine again, so the number of sets and reps shouldn't matter! So Tuesday i should be here again :)

Sore

My legs and glutes hurt so much today lol. I guess the weights that i used weren't too much then. I guess next time i will keep these weights and see how i feel after next time. Today i will take a rest day and tomorrow i will do arms.

I am thinking about restricting my calories until i get my body to a point where i feel more secure with myself. The only problem is that i am not sure right now if this thought comes from my previous unhealthy mindset (i have a history with anorexia/bulimia) or if this is an actual good idea. Right now i am not going to the gym at all so i am barely getting any cardio except for my dog walks and the occasional bike ride. Cardio helped immensely with getting myself into shape and because i am lacking that right now, all the excess calories are just stored around my waist. This makes it more difficult for me to get in shape, or look like i am in shape. I would love to have a cardio machine at home but i simply do not have the space for it, unfortunately.

I have been watching some youtube videos and in one video a girl said she would catch up on her favorite Netflix shows while doing light cardio at the gym. This might be something that i could do as well. I do not like watching shows on small screens, so i might have to find a show that i am not too invested in. The last time i went to the gym i was reading celebrity gossip on a forum which was also a lot of fun, but it gets annoying to scroll constantly when you are sweating.

I think my biggest gripe with the gym is that i have to wear specific gym clothing, gym shoes, have my hair up and i have to stretch really well at home (if i don't properly stretch i easily screw up my muslces) (it has happened before). I wish i could just walk in, do my thing, and walk out. I have big fluffy curly hair that is impossible to tame sometimes so i can't just quickly put it in a ponytail and be done with it. I also usually wear oversized sweats with an oversized shirt (sometimes a tighter top) which makes me stick out like a sore thumb cause no one at my gym wears stuff like that. Again, i work-out in a small gym in a town where we have "unspoken social rules" so the minute you kind of fall outside of that people are going to have opinions. Even though city gyms are probably horribly packed, i feel like people give less of a sh!t what you look like and they just want to get their work-out over with. At my gym i sometimes feel like people think i am asking for attention cause i look slightly different... which i can't help!!! Even if i would wear one of the "normal appropriate adult woman gym fits" i would still stick out based on my hair alone (everyone here has straight hair i swear). Maybe i am just overthinking it. In either case, it is tiring to think about the gym. 

No time to sleep

Of course i planned today to be leg day and i wasn't able to fall asleep last night. I played the Sims 1 till 7AM. I was literally lying in bed thinking by myself:

>be me

>plan leg day

>not able to sleep

>rip.jpg

In the morning i had an appointment with my physical therapist, and of course i was 5 minutes too late. I didn't really do any of my homework last week, which mainly consisted of meditation type of exercises. I didn't do any of them because just the thought of them makes me feel iffy. I don't like the thought of meditation, although i have seen a lot of people with ADHD claim that it helped them a lot. I think it is the whole "making yourself vulnerable" thing that makes me uneasy. I just want to go, go, go, constantly. I guess that way i feel like the horrible nagging thoughts in my head can't creep up on me? I don't know. I relayed this back to my physical therapist and she told me to find places in my house where it feels safe to do my exercises and also positions (eg. lying down, sitting up, knees against my chest). When i think about it now, maybe building a small blanket fort would help lol. I used to lock myself in my closet when i was younger to feel safe; away from my family. It is so disturbing looking back on it. But the therapist said whatever makes me feel safe, so i guess a blanket fort could work? I just have to clean up my room and figure out a way to make a quick make-shift blanket fort that i can set up whenever.

When i get back from walking the dog, i'll do the exercises my therapist told me to. I don't usually do them right after seeing her because she makes me do some at her place. But I put things off all the time and it's different doing them at home. So, after walking my dog, I'll do those exercises and then my workouts, and then protein, and then idk???

There was a slight change of plans! When i came back from my walk my roommate was already home so i didn't feel comfortable doing my therapy homework. I did end up working out. My roommate hung around while i did that and we watched American Psycho. It was fun rewatching it as i hadn't seen it in some time. Some time after my work-out i started to get horrible period cramps so i took a long warm shower and just chilled for the rest of the evening.

For my work-out today i ended up using lower weights, because i didn't want to stress my body too much. I felt like i could've easily done higher weights, so i ended up doing higher reps/sets instead. I am happy i didn't overdo it. I need to learn my limits. I also wrote down my calories and protein intake, but it is scattered over 2 different notebooks and my phone, so i will add that info tomorrow to this post once i have gathered it all together.

Today i did (all barbell exercises +7.5kg barbell): 

• warm-up 15 minutes
• squats 4x12 (6kg)
• romanian deadlift 4x12 (6kg)
• hip thrusts 4x12 (20kg)
• bulgarian split squats 3x6  (7.5kg)
• stretch 15 minutes

      Calories: // Protein: g

Just girl things

Ugh, on Saturday i felt so, so tired and through it. The same on Sunday. I had no energy for anything and felt like laying in bed and crying. Then on Sunday night i got my period. Yesterday (Monday) i felt a bit better, but Monday is always my day off so i didn't do anything. And today it is Tuesday and i feel a little bit better already. The problem is just that i always feel like a failure when these days happen and my entire schedule gets thrown off. I need to learn that it is okay to not always feel 100%, especially when you hormones are going crazy.

Anyways, since i wasn't sure if i felt better today i didn't plan anything. This morning i also had an appointment i had to attend to so i didn't really have time to plan anything in the morning/early afternoon. And mid afternoon my roommate is back home so it is more difficult to plan things to do by myself.

Tomorrow i will have physical therapy at 11.30AM so i should be home at around 12.15PM. So i can walk my dog and afterwards do leg day. I would prefer to do leg day on Tuesday but eh, it is what it is. I tried to watch what i ate during the last 3 days tho so i wouldn't overeat and eat decent amounts of protein and i did ok except for one day. Tomorrow i 100% want to go hardcore again!

A new beginning!

I woke up this morning with a message that my personal trainer's car broke down... imagine my shock. Of course this happens. In his message he wrote that he wanted to have a call appointment, but unfortunately i read it wrong and i thought he wanted to reschedule our appointment to Wednesday. No clue how i misread that? Maybe it was a case of Mandela Effect hehe. He also called me by the wrong name which irked me. We have been sending some messages back and forth for some time and i always ended them with my real name and i got signed up to the place with my real name, but he used my messaging nickname. I am already done with him to be honest, because he reminds me of that other personal trainer that i had who was also very flaky.

The stupid thing is that he works for an organization and at first i got appointed to someone else when i signed up. This was an ex-military man who was very disciplined according to his profile. Unfortunately, his waiting list was too long so i got put in the care of his coworker. I will await my first meeting with this man, but i might just ask to be assigned back to the military man and just wait a bit longer to work with him.

My roommate just left for work and i have a bunch of things to do. I need to work-out, message the drummer, walk my dog, physical therapy meditation homework, clean up my laundry, and finish arranging my closet. I think i will first work-out, do my meditation homework, then drink my protein, message the drummer, walk my dog, and finish with my closet. Tomorrow i want to go into town to get some vitamins and cleaning supplies. I have been feeling so tired lately and just kind of... doozy? I read somewhere that magnesium tablets can really help with feeling more energized and since i am on a plant-based diet that might just be what i am lacking. And i need to buy cleaning supplies cause i want to deep clean my apartment and shower, because my roommate's family will come to visit him in two weeks and i want to make sure my apartment is looking good by then (they wont be staying here but it would be nice for them to visit his place of residence). And i also want to dye my hair.

When it comes to eating today it was a bit wonky. My roommate came home with 2 popsicles. They were huge! I felt bad about rejecting it, so i only ate half and put it back in the freezer. When he went to work i gave the other half to my dog. Luckily it does not have that many calories, but it has a lot of sugar which is lame. I also had some left over pasta sauce from yesterday so i am not entirely sure how many calories and protein were in it, so that was all guess work. Everything else was weighed and measured so should be correct!

Today i did: 

• shoulder shrugs on pull up bar 4x8
• bent over rows 4x12 (6kg)
• bar curls 4x12 (6kg)
• shoulder press 4x8 (4kg)
• sitting twists 3x12

Today i ate 1459 calories and 76gr protein.

Long time, no see

Oh my... i haven't written here for what feels like decades! So much has changed it feels like. Also it seems that no one has found my blog yet in the meantime, which i consider a good thing, because it makes me feel less "viewed". However, it would be nice to have at least like 2 or 3 readers who i can discuss things with, but i guess those days of the internet are over.

So updates, i guess? Uhh, well AI is taking over now, which has its good sides and bad sides. The good is that i can generate pictures for my posts that will fit with the theme of the day and how i feel (cause i was running out of cute work-out cartoon pictures tbh!). The bad is that it will probably take over the world and kill us all.

I currently have a roommate. He's a good friend so it has been nice. He has a car so he drives me places, which has also been nice and we have been going to concerts and stuff, which i missed. I have become lazier since he has been around and i eat like crap, but i am trying to change that now.

I have my adopted dog! She's so sweet and i love her so much. We bonded really quickly. It's just difficult for me sometimes to leave her alone at home, because i get so attached to her. She does really well though when she is left alone. She is a bit bigger than i thought and had hoped for, but that is okay. It is just more difficult for me now to take her places, which is a bummer. But now that i have a roommate it has been a bit better!

My roommate and i are trying to start a band. It will be within the metal genre of music. We are currently looking for additional bandmates and in our search someone recommended me an old drummer friend of mine! I have his number now and will contact him tomorrow and i am super stoked for that. I hope he will be as excited as i am, and if he doesn't want to join the band i would at least like to meet up with him again to see how he is doing! We literally haven't spoken in YEARS.

Working out hasn't been going too well. I have been working-out every so often at home. A handful of times i have been trying to go to the gym. I have definitely gained weight. I lost some of my muscle mass... i have been trying to build it back up in the last 3-4 weeks or so and it has been going well except for last week, but at least i haven't given up on working out entirely yet.

My anxieties are still bothering me, but i have enrolled myself in some physical therapy that helps with anxiety and it has been working wonders, honestly. I have only had 3 appointments so far but i look forward to each appointment, and i feel like i am really doing better. Even if it is only just a little bit.

Tomorrow i will have an appointment with a personal trainer who is specialized in people who battle with anxiety, so that is neat too. I hope it will become something nice, because i had an appointment with another one of those guys and he turned out to be horrible. He was a horrible communicator, extremely arrogant, and would often cancel appointments. So hopefully this guy is better.

I am writing here today (tonight) because i want to start with this blog again, and i want to start working out again. I enjoyed tracking my progress and venting every once in a while. Summer season is starting again at the gym which i am anxious for but i will try and pull through.

Tomorrow i want to do upper body. After my afternoon appointment with personal trainer guy i will probably go into town to get some supplies that i need and then when i go home i want to do upper-body while watching some obscure foreign movie a friend of mine recommended.

On Saturday i want to do legs once my roommate goes to work later in the afternoon. And Sunday will be rest/stretch day. I will just have to figure out what i will eat, so i don't overeat, and i don't undereat, but i also get enough protein. Important!

I am going to get ready for bed now! Nightnight!