Jim? Jim!

It is now MONDAY and yesterday it was Sunday and my roommate, dog, and i went for a long walk through a park/forest. Today i want to go to the gym, but i am struggling. I am also off the high dose of vitamin D for at least 5 days now and i feel much better. Continue "reading more" if you want to hear me vent/struggle with going to the gym.

I did ended up going to the gym though for like 15 minutes and i walked on the treadmill so that was pretty good. I did 3.5 incline and 4.5km speed. In the end i walked over 1km.

I woke up later than i wanted to again. I was gaming with my roommate's brother last night and it got kind of late. Now it's almost 1PM and i am just sitting in front of my computer drooling instead of getting ready to go to the gym. IT IS JUST CARDIO JEEZ. Yesterday when we went for a walk, my roommate made some pictures with his low res camera and on a few of them you could see me. I was wearing a tight top yesterday and i looked fine except for on my back i had a clearly visible fat roll? Even though i didn't look fat. It was just so unappealing what the hell. This should motivate me MORE to go to the gym lol. I am going to get ready now and then maybe write here again to motivate myself to go. I literally just want to go for 10 minutes.

Oh yeah, i am also off the vitamin D now. As in, most of it should've left my body. I feel much better. I am taking the lower dose of vitamin D now, but i think i will try and find a little bit of a higher dose that i can take. The one i take now is only 400IE and i want to find something that has at least 800IE.

Ok well i just finished my make-up and i forgot that i watched a movie yesterday that i want to write a movie review about. I am telling myself "no, you first have to go to the gym". There is also this new video game that i recently discovered that i have been playing for 3 days in a row that i also want to play, but i am telling myself "no, you first have to go to the gym". I think my line of reasoning with myself here is pretty good, i just don't understand why i cannot force my body to just go. It is like i can't push myself. Like my body becomes a brick. It feels like the flight or fight response which is normal i guess with anxiety issues. I am going to brush my teeth now and get dressed and then see how i feel after.

I went to the gym!!! I was so nervous, but it turned out fine. I stretched for like 5 minutes at home, got dressed in my gym fit and biked to the gym. I then did 15 minutes of cardio and then just left after. It helped a lot to just go in already dressed and ready so i didn't have to go to the changing rooms. Or even sit down and tie my shoelaces. Just go in, do cardio, and leave. I didn't go hard. I was on the treadmill and didn't set it too high (3.5 hill, 4.5km speed), but high enough that i was sweating a little bit. I wanted to listen to new music at the gym, but i forgot to download any new albums and charge my mp4 so i just listened to the music i had on my phone. I at first wanted to read articles or a forum thread while doing my cardio, but i wanted to be more present in the moment so i opted out of that. I instead just looked outside. There was btw no one at the cardio section. It was also not that crowded. So i think on Mondays (if it stays this way) i could go at around 2PM. Hopefully next week i can go again and i can go earlier to see how crowded it is then.

I was contemplating to do arm day today as well but i am already so happy that i went to the gym that i will not push myself further and i will just enjoy the moment lol. Arm day tomorrow then :)