Update

Ever since my roommate left (it's 3 weeks now i think) i have tried to find my footing and it's difficult! The first week i was just binging and not doing anything. My head was still in the "he will come home at 5" mindset, so i only started to relax in the evening when my brain realized he wasn't coming home. Then i tried to make a schedule for myself to clean, because my apartment is a horrible mess and it is DIRTY. I am messy, but not dirty, so it is upsetting that my apartment is in this state right now. Next to that, before my roommate left there were all kinds of bugs i had to get rid of, and on top of that my dog has fleas. Ugh, i feel like i'm living in a nightmare right now lol.

I also started a support group and asked the help of a non-profit organization which has also been a nightmare cause those people are unorganized and 100% of the work ended up falling on me, which meant that i didn't need the non-profit to begin with... buuuut because i am hosting the group under their name i am basically stuck with them now which suuuucks. There were days where i worked on stuff for them for 8 hours. I don't get paid. Nothing. I hate it.

So that's why working out has kind of taken a backseat, which i hate too. I kept making plans to go to the gym, but then something would happen again and my entire schedule got messed up and having to dedicate a lot of time to working out at home also got me in a stressed mood, so i came up with another idea. Every day now i am doing squats. 5x5. I started with just the barbell, then i put 1kg on both sides, then 2kg etc. I am currently still at 2kg lol but i'll be working my way up until i get at my max that i am comfortable with squatting on my own. After the squats i do overhead presses with the same weight. At the end i hold it for as long as i can (this helps me with core). So essentially i am trying my whole body daily with minimum input. I just do 5x5 for both and then the hold at the end, and i take 2 minute breaks in between which means i can do chores in between my rest which is nice. This also makes me hold focus.

Also, a few weeks before my roommate left, and the first week after he left, i was binging like crazy. Like my mind just shut off and i just wanted him to leave so i could focus on stuff again. The downside is that i gained weight. But the good news is that i am training most of it off already. I am eating way less and because i work-out now daily i am already seeing a difference. I think that feeling better in my skin will make it easier to go to the gym again as well.

As for a protein heavy diet, i am not really counting calories right now or watching my protein. I do want to introduce a daily protein drink again especially now that i am lifting daily, so i will be doing that. I just now want my apartment to be cleaned up, so i can focus on my gains again which includes the gym and my diet.

I've also been seeing some traffic coming to my blog recently. I think it is all AI bots. Before it would be that only my posts with pictures would get like 3 visitors, now all my posts get visitors. But as i said, i think they are bots. So... i don't know how i feel about that. Have fun training your AIs on my shitty writing i guess lol.