Back in the gym bby!

Yay! Weekend over so today was gym day. In my previous post i mentioned that i cut myself and that the doctor said that i should let it rest for a bit. I think i also mentioned it has basically been a month now that i didn't do any arm day or whatever. I can tell, cause my body looks more deflated. My cut is healing nice though, and i'm pretty sure i can do upper body again, but i want to wait, just in case.

So now i do Monday/Friday at the gym, and Wednesday at home workout. It's gonna be tough cause it is really warm weather. I think i want to split up the gym machines on Monday/Friday and then maybe do 3 exercises on Friday, because of the heat. It is literally so effin' warm and not only that, it is literally... i can't breathe basically. It's humid and gross. Even though my gym has air-conditioning, it feels horrible. Like i am constantly out of breath and i can't breathe properly, so i don't want to push myself too hard, cause then i feel like i wont go anymore, since i don't have my gym buddy to fall back on anymore (which is a good thing tbh) (i need to learn to do it alone).

Did i btw mention i got a Garmin watch? Yeah so, for my birthday i decided to get myself a Garmin watch. I usually enjoy getting myself birthday presents. Last year i got myself a bunch of small gifts, which was nice, but my eye fell on the light purple/lilac Garmin vivoactive 5 watch. Cause i fell into this rabbit hole of smartwatches, but i didn't want one that could "sell my data". So i looked for one that i didn't have to connect to the internet and i wanted a cute one, so i found out about the Garmin watches! I still need to get a new band for it, because it comes with a rubber one which is horrible for when it is warm weather. I already found a few cute ones on Aliexpress so i will have to figure out which ones i really want. But yeah, it is easier now to get myself to focus on things cause of the watch, cause when i go out to walk, i set it on the activity "walk" and i can see my heart rate and a timer etc. and then after i'm done walking i get an overview and it just tickles my ADHD brain. It's nice! I might end up pairing it up with an old phone i have laying around so i can add more stuff to it, like tracking my water and stuff. I don't know if i will have to connect to the internet to sync up my phone and watch, but i believe i can also do it with the cable. But that is something i have to figure out. The reason i mention it is because i use it at the gym as well. I use it first for cardio and then after i use it for weightlifting so i can track my rest etc. And at the end i get an overview and i thought it would be cool to keep track of it here, so that i can maybe compare things, cause it shows how much weight in total you've been lifting so it would be cool to see how much i do now, and how much i will grow in like 1 month, 3 months, 6 months etc.

But yeah the gym today. I first didn't feel like going. I got dressed but i checked the Google thing to see if it was crowded and it said it was crowded so i didn't wanna go, but i made a list of things i had to do today, so i picked something else on my list. I then got distracted with other stuff and then i checked again and it said there weren't many people. This was around 2-2.30. I think i ended up going at 3 and i got home around 4. 

• 5 min treadmill
• Adductor 1x12 45kg, 2x12 47.5kg, 1x10 50kg
• Sitting leg press 1x15 40kg, 1x12 60kg, 1x12 70kg 1x12 80kg
• Leg curl 1x12 27.5kg, 1x12 30kg, 1x12 32.5kg, 1x10 35kg
• Sitting leg press legs high 3x12 80kg

The abductor machine is broken (it was also broken last week ffs) so i use the leg press as a substitute, although i know it is better to do cable side stretches or whatever it is called. However, i hate doing those in the gym so i'd rather not. It wasn't that crowded in the gym, and most people were doing upper body today so that was nice cause i didn't have to wait for any machines. I then went home, walked my dog, tried to save a bee, and then went home and drank my protein. I'm sweating so hard, so i will take a shower after i am done with my protein zzzzzzzzzz.

3 weeks out!!!

Okay so, i haven't written in a while. I don't really have a good excuse as to why. And i don't think it matters. I had a 3 week hiatus from working out; the longest yet. The first week was for my birthday. My best friend took off from work so i told my gym buddy ahead of time that i wasn't going to the gym "in the first week of june". Then on Monday i suddenly get a text from my gym buddy saying "hey i'm already at the gym", which was the weirdest thing ever cause like... he had never done that before? Cause usually the day before we go to the gym we text each other about the time if we didn't make any plans. So i texted him "uhh what". I basically told him "it's great you are there, but it's my free week!". I told him he should try and go alone this week. He seemed annoyed(?) at me, even though i literally told him ahead of time when i was going to take my week off. I think he just used it as an excuse to get annoyed at me; that's how it felt anyways.

I still had contact with him once more during my free week, since he send me a birthday message. I reacted the day after cause i cut myself the day after my birthday on my arm by accident and needed stitches (my first ever!!!). So i thanked him for the birthday wishes and told him that i cut myself lol. He didn't really respond or asked any questions so we kind of left it at that. Later in the week i invited him to a concert i thought he would like and asked if he wanted to go with. It's in like 1 or 2 months, but i thought i would give him a heads up. I never got a response...

Then the second week.. on Monday it was some religious holiday i believe idk, so everything was closed, so we decided to go again on Tuesday. I had 2 appointments that day, and we decided to go at 12, but i wasn't going to make 12 anymore so i texted him. I wanted to ask if we could go at 4 since i had another appointment, but i didn't hear anything from him until 3(!!!) in the afternoon. He said he "overslept" cause "he didn't feel good at night" "so he couldn't fall asleep". I just left him on read. (he btw doesn't have the read ticks turned on, but i guess he figured that i left him on read lol). I didn't go to the gym myself that week or workout at home since working out at home was gonna be difficult, cause i couldn't lift anything. And i also bruised my foot (don't ask) (and yes i actually had a bruise on the bottom of my foot) during my birthday week so putting any pressure on it hurt; so cardio was out of the question + most exercise machines. I was fully handicapped!! Lol. So i decided to just take another rest week. Also, my computer broke just before my birthday week and i only ended up getting it fixed... recently actually. So i caught up on sleep and rest (even though i still gamed on my steam deck hehe).

Then last week, he messaged me on Monday "Soo, are we going to pick up lifting again?". And i was like "i still lift though! but yeah we can go together again if you want". I obviously lied, but he doesn't have to know that. I told him that i could go tomorrow (which was tuesday) but i first had to go to the doctor to get my stitches removed, and that i can't do arm day. So then he finally asked what happened and i told him about cutting myself by accident. He said that he thought i had "cut my finger or something". Three stitches in your finger? Sure buddy. So i said "i will just do leg days when we go to the gym from now on". And he was like "okay, let me know when you are done then tomorrow at the doctor". I thought i could nudge him towards driving me, but i didn't really expect much since he had such a bitchy attitude towards me + the ignoring of my messages when i was inviting him to come to a show.. oh well. No biggie. It was super hot though on Tuesday and i had to bike for like 20 minutes in the hot sun cause of course the only road to my doctor had no trees UGH. Luckily my doctor is like 1 minute away from my grandparents so i decided to go to their place after i was done at the doctor, and just tell my gym buddy that we will go later in the day. I got my stitches removed by a cute happy gay nurse in training. I made him laugh twice and getting the stitches removed was rather uncomfortable, but nothing too bad. He did a pretty good job and was gentle. But then when i was done and i checked my phone guess what... yup. Gym buddy bro cancelled again. I had my appointment at the doctor at 01.40PM and he messaged me at 01.30PM saying "Well, i think we need to go to the gym some other time... maybe tomorrow or Thursday. cause i drank spoiled milk and now i am living on the toilet...." followed by "for the record, i checked the date and the carton said it would be good for another 3 days, so the milk should've still been good". Uhh okay???

I obviously didn't buy his story. Even if he was truthful... bro cancelled our gym plans SO. FUCKING. OFTEN. that i do not believe him anymore. And not only that, he literally told me to my face "it is 50/50 whether i get sick when i eat certain food, so sometimes i eat food and then just hope i dont get sick, so when i cancel, i just got sick". I also often think he doesn't get sick, and he just games all night with his friends and then is too tired to go to the gym. My friend said that my gym buddy seemed "gleeful" about not wanting to go to the gym after he cancels, especially seeing how he never reschedules for later in the day, but always prompts for other days.

I then talked about it with my roommate and my therapist, and especially my therapist urged me to choose more for myself. I am sick and tired of planning my days around him, cause he is always the one who wants to go at a specific time in the day. I told him multiple times i would like to go earlier, but he never really complied, except for sometimes. And i know if i were to call him out (which i have already done before and i told him to get therapy for his food addiction) he would just tell me "oh but you're always late", as if that is in any way comparable to him CANCELLING. I decided to just match his energy, so disrespecting and lack of effort. I am not stressing over him anymore. I am just going to the gym on my own.

So that's what i did yesterday. I went a bit later. I went to bed really late on Sunday night, and i wanted to go at 4 but of course i couldn't find the things i needed (earphones, water bottle etc.) so i ended up going at around 4.30PM. The gym wasn't that crowded, but there were a lot of duos, and one of the machines was broken, and i brought the wrong earphones so i could hear a lot of noise coming through which was really annoying, but hey i did it! There was also a guy working there who i had maybe seen 2 or 3 times before. He smiled at me a few times and at one point, when he walked through the gym, he gave me a thumbs up. So that was nice! 

Today my legs ache. I tried to not go too hard with my workouts. I tried about 10-20kg lower than the last time i went to the gym and i tried to go higher in weight with each set to see where my threshold was. Almost with every exercise i could almost do the weight i did last time, so i am sure i am back where i was before in like 1-2 weeks. I kinda wanted to do stuff at home tomorrow cause i got a landmine attachment now (yay!). But my legs are really sore, and i just got back into it so i think i will sit tomorrow out for now and just go back again on either Thursday or Friday!

I should write again

I kinda want to start writing here again, but i also don't. I am keeping track of my workouts pretty well. I am currently eating high protein again. I am more frequently working out at home... not as often as i would like, but often enough that i am content. My ADHD group is going pretty well. My anxiety therapy is going a bit meh. I am thinking about streaming again. My life just kind of flows atm. I'm not happy, i'm not sad; i'm just content. So yeah, maybe writing here again will be a good idea, so i can figure out how i can struggle more at the gym LOL.

Gym sabotage

Today i was supposed to go to the gym with my gym buddy, but he is sick. I chatted with him for a little bit and it just comes down to him eating fast food and then he gets acid reflux, but he uses like a fancier word for it so it doesn't sound as lame. He thinks that him going to the gym will fix it cause "he will lose weight" not understanding that diet is like 90% of the process, and if you want to lose weight you need to eat less. My roommate eats like shit most of the time, and he is a skinny bitch lol. My gym buddy doesn't believe that and/or uses the "fast metabolism" argument, which is cope. I told him that it's not even about what you eat, but how much you eat of it. It frustrates me a lot cause he is sabotaging both himself and me by doing this. He is also aware that fast food is doing this to him and it feels unfair that he eats fast food the day before we go to the gym cause he knows it will f him up. So what gives??? Very annoyed. At this point i'd rather just not have a gym buddy tbh. I also realized that in the months he worked out with our PT he barely lost any weight, while at minimum he should've lost 7kg/15.5lbs. He is fat and didn't do anything for months/years. So him going to the gym should've kickstarted his body into losing fat more, which is obviously not happening. Tragic. Also disappointed in my PT for not pushing my gym buddy harder. If i would have a client like him i would tell him that i would drop him if he doesn't start eating healthier or get help/therapy for his eating habits, cause this is ridiculous.

Well anyways, atm i have a small mouse in the bucket, and i need to walk my dog, go to town, and i want to work-out at home. I'll just do two at home sessions this week i guess. Just need to check what i want to do today. Better get my ass into gear.

Rest day, i guess

Today i was supposed to do a leg day, but i stayed up late last night because i had not done that in a while and last night was the only night this week i would be able to do that. Then in the afternoon i had 2 appointments after one another and by the time they were over and done with i was tired and my roommate came home anyways. 

Tomorrow i have an appointment at 12 in the city. It should be a short appointment so my gym buddy will pick me up after and we will go to the gym for cardio and core and then i have to rush home and i'll have my ADHD group!!! And then when my roommate comes home we have to go to the plant store cause it's my grandma's birthday on Friday and i want to get her something nice. So tomorrow is gonna be busy as hell so maybe it's a good thing i didn't do leg day today cause after my leg day last week i couldn't walk properly for like 5 days LOL. Maybe i'll do reverse lunches at the gym on Friday idk. We'll see.

PT: Day 53 (last day)

Today was the last day with our PT. I am going to miss him so much omg. I liked that i could talk to him about working out and geek out about different ways to train a certain muscle; it was so much fun! Now i won't have that anymore. Maybe i can replace an AI with him or something lol. At least i can lean on my gym buddy for now, but it's just not the same.

Yesterday, after we did our cardio day, we went into the city to look around for something small we could give the PT. We ended up giving him a bag with snacks (since he said he liked to watch movies with his gf on the couch and snack) and then my gym buddy and i each gave him a personal gift with a card. I gave him 2 sets of different socks (that still matched in some way) cause i was the "different sock" girl lol. And my gym buddy gave him a small lunch box in the shape of an apple to put his apples in (cause he always ate apples). He seemed to really appreciate it and said that most clients (even the ones he would help for a year or longer) wouldn't show their appreciation this much, so that was nice.

But yeah from now on i will have to do it alone...ish. I mean.. i still have company. I just don't know what to call my entries anymore haha. Maybe i will just continue with the "iron grind" thing. The problem is just that i want to make a distinction between my gym days and my home work-out days... let me ask AI. 

Okay so the AI and i brainstormed (a lot) and we came out with PTX, this way i still honor my PT days and i can kind of ween myself off the PT part but make it something extra. I guess PT now stands for "personal training" instead of "personal trainer" hehe. As the AI mentioned, X stands for "limited edition" which means that a few weeks from now i will change it again, probably.

• Pullups 3x12 40kg
• Chest press machine 10kg 3x12
• Shoulder machine 10kg 3x12
• Lat pulldown 25kg 1x12 1x8 30kg 1x12 25kg
• Triceps overhead 3x6 5kg
• Row 30kg 1x12 2x10
• Biceps pulldown 25 1x12 1x10 20kg 1x12

Iron Grind: Day 1 (glutes) 🔴

Soo, i'm back and so is my roommate. The 2ish weeks that i was alone were nice, but i don't feel like i've done a lot/made much progress. I am enrolled in the ADHD course now tho and my anxiety therapy started which is nice so at least those two things are going. The sessions with my PT will end next week i believe, so that is kind of a bummer.

Today i wanted to start with being more strict with my diet again and working out more in general. I was supposed to meet up with my gym buddy but he send me a text saying he slept bad last night, which was kind of a cop out cause whenever we train with the personal trainer he doesn't cancel... even if he has slept bad that night. So yeah.

We were supposed to meet at 12 but because of his text i stayed in bed (cause i also slept bad last night lol but i was still gonna go) and i woke up later so that kind of sucks. I will get ready now and go anyways. I will do my usual cardio routine (10 mins elliptical, 10 mins steps). And then go on to a leg routine. I was thinking to the the hip adductor and the high position leg press for the butt. And then come home and do hip thrusts and walking lunges. In the gym i can also do back extensions on that chair looking thing, but i haven't done that before but i think it will be a good thing to do in the gym later on to add to my routine to build my glutes. I shouldn't be in the gym longer than 30 minutes probably depending on how many people there are hugging the machines, since my gym buddy isn't there and i can just do everything on my own so it shouldn't take too much time out of my day.

I also want to eat better/more boring (read: more protein) for max gains so that is coming too. TBC.

Annoyed

So today i got up too late and i also lost my earphones yesterday so i knew i had to look for them so i was scared i would be too late at the gym... but to my surprise i got a text at 12.15PM saying "the trainer and i could go earlier so we are already at the gym!". And i was like "excuse me". I've gotten at least 5 texts over the last 2 months from our trainer asking me if i could be there at 12 on Fridays. And every time i texted him back and said "sure! but i think my gym buddy gets up at 12PM". And usually he would text me at 11. Whenever i would get the text i would get up immediately, just in case my gym buddy would be awake and we could go earlier. 

But today... nop! No message. Nothing. Just literally at 12.15 "we could be there earlier, so we already started". Wtf does that mean? I was actually annoyed. Had they texted me at 11 i would've gotten up at that time cause i was awake but i kept slumbering cause i knew i had the time for that. I also went to bed really late last night cause some stuff happened that was out of my control. Either way, super scummy idk. I feel disrespected and i also feel that it was inconsiderate of them. I haven't texted back yet. I just checked and at around 1.30 i got a message that they were gonna leave the gym. Cool. Good for you!

I'm not even in the mood anymore to go to the gym. At 4 i have to pick up the nanny dog so i think i will just clean up the living room and do some laundry and then at 4 pick up the dog and then i'll do a leg day at home tomorrow, or maybe i'll even go to the gym tomorrow. I've never gone in the weekend before so i wonder what that is like. 

On Monday my roommate will come back home and he is free that week so we will probably be doing stuff that week. After next week i want to start with a different training and eating schedule and i also want to try and start creatine. 

Vacation!!!

I brought my friend to the train station today cause he is going to the airport to go visit his family for about 2 weeks. Which means... i have 2 weeks off!!! At first i was thinking about cancelling appointments and just have at least one week to myself, but i think that isn't necessary. And it will help probably with staying in the flow, but i mean, i can always cancel appointments if i really have to. I don't think i will really miss his presence or realize that he's gone until the weekend, cause that's when he is around the most. I have a weird sense of excitement that he is gone and i feel motivated to do things. And on top of that, i can do my nightly walks with my dog and smoke and i don't have to be scared that he might smell the smoke on me or whatever. It will feel nice to just be able to be in my house and to not have to take into consideration that i have to be quiet or not leave my stuff laying around cause someone is living with me. Like, for example, after i dropped off my friend i went to a store to pick up some stuff like shampoo and cleaning things and i didn't unpack my bags. They are just laying in the living room. And i know i will unpack them at some point today, but i don't feel like it right now, because i, for example, have to walk my dog and get dressed for the gym, and i also want to stretch so i feel like those things are more important and i can clean up the bags later. Even before i go to bed if i wanted to. 

Ever since my friend lives with me i constantly feel like i have to clean up NOW, and i have to make sure i do things NOW. Not because i necessarily have to, but i know that if i slack for one second he will see that as a "signal" that he can slack too and it is really tiring. A normal person would think like "oh, she will clean that up later no problem". But he sees it as a "oh she didn't clean it up, that means that next time i can also just leave my stuff laying around and she can't complain about it". It's kind of like that, and it is tiring to live like this. I wonder how different my weeks will look. I never was really on time at the gym ever since i started training with my personal trainer, so i wonder if i can be on time now every time, since my roommate isn't here so it is easier to just leave a mess.

The problem is also, when i lived on my own and i would make a mess, it would be like "oh i'll clean that later, and if not later, i will clean it tomorrow or whenever i have time this week". But i can't do that. I have to clean it the same day. So that gives me additional stress. So i hope i will feel better this week (and next week).

I kind of hope i can get to clean the entire house this week, so next week i can focus on other things, or i can just relax. I also have a bunch of laundry i can get through, and i have an extra drying rack now, and it since i don't need the extra space i can just put it wherever i want, so i hope to get through all the laundry this week. Aaaaaa so much to do! But first, today is upper body day so gotta do that and then we'll see.

Edit 23 march: My roommate/friend came home last week. He has been home for about a week now. He had this week off too. It was annoying to have him back again. We did go to the city and shopped, went to IKEA at some point, and also cleaned the yard, but it wasn't "more fun" just because he was there. Every night it was the same thing where we would sit on the couch and just watched something on Youtube. I felt uninspired and dead inside. I also didn't get to clean my entire apartment so there is still stuff to do, bleh. At least from tomorrow on he will go to work again so i will have the day to myself! I will probably also start trying to get up earlier. I know it will be difficult for me to do, but i feel like it is imperative for me to do so, if i want my days to be functional, and my days to be mine.

No gym, just core

So today my gym buddy had an appointment early in the morning so we could meet at the gym earlier. Unfortunately, i went to bed really late last night and i also did leg day, so i was very tired and i couldn't get up. I decided to just get up when i wanted to and make sure that i was ready to get at least before 2 PM. Then when i checked my messages, my gym buddy cancelled our gym appointment. So if i had gotten up earlier we would've been to the gym. Eh. My own fault. I think i will instead just do some core routine. I don't know what i will do yet, but i'll figure it out. Every time i try to find information about what people with good bodies do for core they all claim that they don't do anything special, but i know they do. Why is everyone so secretive about it lol. 

Update post

I just updated a bunch of posts cause i haven't really been writing a lot anymore. I am just so tired all the time. I have been watching my protein again so i hope that when i up my protein i will feel better. Oh and my second monitor broke, so productivity wise i feel 0 motivation to do anything cause multitasking is hard with one monitor. I also just want to keep up the work-out schedule i have now because i am seeing a change in my body so i don't want to change anything. I hope i will get over my tiredness, otherwise i will probably just go to the doctor and check my blood levels again, to see if i am still lacking something (maybe i am and that's where my stomachaches come from idk). 

I have also been going to some therapist appointments with a bunch of different people cause they are trying to figure out what type of therapy i need. I will spare you the stupidity i've heard from some of these therapists (the fact that they can call themselves "psychologists" is laughable) (they argued, because one of my psychologists stood behind me at some point and it made me uncomfortable, that it was because of my anxiety and not because it is just a normal human behavioral feeling to just feel some type of level of uncomfortableness if someone just stands behind you and you aren't in a store setting) (then another psychologist, who was also present, said that i had too much of a fixation on wanting to be "normal") (how are these people even real?).

Oh and, in March i will start with my ADHD group that will run till June and i'm kinda excited for that idk why.