ADHD group stuff

So every week we come up with a task at the ADHD group. I don't know if i said that last time. And last time i made the gym my task. And this week, i nicely went around the group asking everyone what their task would be for this week and no one asked me :) At one point they were discussing music and what everyone's favorite music is and no one asked me :). I literally feel left out in my own group. It might be because i am the "leader", but i literally set up this group as an accountability thing for myself. But now it is just another dead weight in my life. Everyone in my group always talks about how much they think of other people that they forget themselves or do not prioritize themselves, and i'm like "yep, think of everyone but me :)". So often IN MY OWN FUCKING GROUP i get left out, people don't ask me things. I am always the one asking everything. And i know i can speak up about it, but if they are all praising themselves on how much they think of others, but no one thinks of me... then i don't even want to share anymore.

So now i am back from the ADHD group, i wanted to make it a "task" that i was gonna go to the gym, and i don't even want to go anymore. I feel sick. I keep telling myself "just go tomorrow" but i know that i wont go. So now i have to figure out a way that i will force myself to go which is also why i'm typing here. I just hate, hate, hate that i keep trying to get myself to do things, and then in the process i find a way to help everyone but myself. And that happens every time. I am never a priority. To anyone. Ever.

Sorry for the doom posting. I want to keep this blog positive and about self-improvement and stuff, but it is really bothering me. And if i say anything then people will make a mental note and ask about me only because i told them to, not because they are genuinely interested. I guess i am just not genuinely interesting enough.

I'm back!!!

I actually wanted to write yesterday, but i didn't. I only wrote the word "Bwuh". Well, i did it! I went to the gym today!! I think the last time i went was 28th of july. And i promised myself i would go today after my ADHD group. I first went home. Got dressed and stuff and then i just went. It wasn't that crowded, not more crowded than it usually is during the afternoon. At one point tho there were people hogging my leg equipment so i just went home cause i was already happy that i went to begin with. There was almost no one in the cardio section, so if i ever want to do cardio then i think around 5 would be a good one lol.

I calculated and i didn't go to the gym for 71 days!!! That is 2 months and 9 days. So you would think, right, that i would have lost my strength? Well no, apparently not. Which is so weird to me! I did do squats every once in a while with my barbell, but i never did it with more than 4kg on each side. Also my cardio was surprisingly good. I was sweating, but i didn't feel like i was going to die or anything. Which was also weird to me. My body seems to be adjusting well, going back to the gym. Maybe it's also cause i am on my period right now i don't know. 

I basically went back to almost all the weights that i left off on last time, which is almost impressive to me.